Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband told me that the only reason he took up jogging 4 years ago was because my mother moved in next door to us and he knew it would kill my sex drive. We haven’t had sex in 4 years. FML
Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I just moved to a new house so I was looking for new jogging routes. I ended up in an area I was unaware was a big dogging hotspot. Two couples invited me to threesomes, and when I said no and tried to leave, I had stones and litter thrown at me. FML
Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML
Today, I attempted a casual jog in my neighborhood. Halfway through, my shoelace snapped, and I tripped, skidding across someone’s lawn. The homeowner rushed out, not to help, but to ask why I was “attacking” their grass. FML
Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML
Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kayladance101 13
Well if his wife wont have sex with him, maybe she'll do it with you! Give it a try :)
cooperd52 6
That's assault. Why dont you report him?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
krackednyc 0
U should file charges and restraining order
FYLDeep 26
I'm assuming that he has no reason to blame you for his wife not wanting sex. If I'm wrong, then you left some pretty important information out of the story. I would suggest reporting the assault and possibly getting a restraining order.
rastafarhi 0
Jog a new route bro.
Enigmax2514 7
Call the cops genius
trellz17 19
Next time you see him say "of course she won't sleep with you cause she already had some of this" then jog home, I doubt he can keep up with you
leadman1989 16
That'll teach you! Running around here all fit and sexy. Making my fat bald lazy ass look bad. >:(
CryMoreFMLs 15
Yeah you tell him 21! Stand up for us heavy guys!
albow2dking007 14
I would shove a restraining order up his a**
instnt1nfction 17
Up his ant
JokerJohn7 0
It's ace^
twisted54 1
I think it's arm...:)
albow2dking007 14
its probably ass...just sayin
Btreasure 8
Your such a homewrecker. I'm kidding I just wanted to call someone a homewrecker. Maybe he should go jogging with you so his wife might have sex with him again
Juicy0023 0
**** his wife for revenge
perdix 31
You must be wearing your Richard Simmons short shorts. Fashion today dictates that men can only wear shorts ranging from Bermudas to culottes. When ladies see a man jogging by showing some manly thigh, and maybe a flash of buttock or scrotum, their desire for their husbands dries up.
RainbowHeadache 2
I'm sure he was shirtless & glistening with sweat too. A real man lets his junk swing wild & free when he runs. Ah. Got to love those sexy joggers.
perdix 31
If you like it so much, you ought to come out and say hi. I'll flash you a little extra bonus scrotum ;)
hercs95 0
Wow you're beautiful #57
hercs95 0
Wow # 57 is beautiful