Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML
Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML
Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
You should have been more clear when you told him you prefered a shaved ****.
WCARlover 34
Well at least it's not actually a naked mole rat...but no worries the hair will grow back soon enough
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Comments (83)
Rainbow_dumpster 28
:(
WCARlover 34
Well at least it's not actually a naked mole rat...but no worries the hair will grow back soon enough
EatnBeef 7
Haha what would it look like if you gave a dog a tattoo? Now would be a good chance to find out
ankoku 2
For the dog to become an actual naked molerat would be kimpossible
Pelreskovich 11
I'm assuming it'd look just like one on a human.. Just on a dog?
Pelreskovich 11
I'm assuming it'd look just like one on a human.. Just on a dog?
shanemaximo 7
10: I wonder what it would feel like to have the shit bitten out of you by a hairless cocker spaniel? Giving it a tattoo would be a good way to find out!
ShroomsOnAcid 16
Some people do give their dogs and cats tattoos, piercings, and even ****** plastic surgery. Think about that next time a dog in a sweater vest annoys you. It could be much worse, as there are nuts who take their anthropomorphic fanaticism way further.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Dont let anyone mistake it for a XXL ***** like i did ..
Swiftly 0
^^^Wtf...
urdirtyolduncle 15
A ***** that vibrates with life?
maxmex13 7
I did the same thing with my pet rabbit once. Those things are ugly without their fur.
unitedfan11 0
You should change the dog's name to Rufus.
unitedfan11 0
You should change the dog's name to Rufus.
AssassinsCRB 0
Awe i have an american cocker spaniel too when she gets it cut really short it looks terrible but dont worry it will grow back soon
AssassinsCRB 0
Awe i have an american cocker spaniel too when she gets it cut really short it looks terrible but dont worry it will grow back soon
AssassinsCRB 0
Awe i have an american cocker spaniel too when she gets it cut really short it looks terrible but dont worry it will grow back soon
Bball_boy15 3
Rat basterd
spazz666 18
This would have almost been funny had you spelled "bastard" correctly.
sadistmonkey 19
I bet you're gonna say Inglourious Basterds would've been a good movie if the title were spelled correctly...
Bball_boy15 3
Tomato potato
xcowboys 0
Inglorious bastards would have been good anyway, even if it was named "Edward Penis Hands"
sadistmonkey 19
xcowboys - That's exactly my point. I'm just pointing out a flaw in the logic that misspelling something automatically makes it not funny.
Bball_boy15 3
73 you must live a sad life wow one typo doesn't kill anybody
sadistmonkey 19
Bball_boy15 - If you had read what I wrote carefully, you'd realize that I'm saying exactly what you're saying. I'm writing mainly in response to 25.
ea49610 0
Luuuucky!
1PaulyD 9
It'll grow back, but when something looks out of the ordinary, and in this case if your dog looks like a rat, i cant imagine your reaction would be like if you saw your dog at night in the dark :S
zingline89 18
You should have been more clear when you told him you prefered a shaved ****.
Margemander 4
She likes her ****(er) nice and smooth. When she rubs that ****(er) it gets excited. I could do this all day.
spazz666 18
Yes, you could do this all day but I think all of us would appreciate it if you didn't. Also, nice name #6
zingline89 18
Why thank you
Margemander 4
Aww, perhaps you would prefer Shih-Tzu jokes instead? Also, I think you speak only for yourself and maybe a few others. The Internet is a vast and varied place where there are plenty of individuals as childish as I am.
ICATiger 13
Even the pubes??
darwinism 30
Yes. Actually that's how it all started. He tried to give the dog a Brazilian, and things went bad from there.
RedPillSucks 31
LOL. I would think it went bad at "He tried to give the dog a Brazilian"
ilulife 4
If you have one, you my just as well have two. Shave your boyfriend in his sleep. Everywhere.
lil_ham1644 29
It's better if you give the boyfriend a full body WAX in his sleep
MeLuvBewbs 7
Well it's still not as great as a naked pussie.
haZzbin 0
You wanna catch me, you gotta reach me, KIM POSSIBLE!!