Money: Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night...

By winner winner chicken dinner

Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night for months. It was a $750 bingo. I split with 85 other winners. My share was $8. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2658

You deserved it

601

Favorite

Money

Serious times

DINOSAURS!!

Can they do that?

By squirty_joe - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68164

You deserved it

20464

Favorite

By FML - United States - Pine Bush

Today, I was at work and a guy walked up holding his phone with the camera facing me. He then looks up at me and says, "I'm not taking a picture of you. I'm just trying to catch a Pokemon." And here I was thinking that I looked nice today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11694

You deserved it

2433

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24043

You deserved it

37387

Favorite

By neveragain - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20497

You deserved it

4612

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49844

You deserved it

6873

Favorite

By maddieex - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35234

You deserved it

3270

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 17:00

Let it all out

Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1353

You deserved it

586

Favorite

By jazz - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32179

You deserved it

5729

Favorite

By dumbbb - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10240

You deserved it

45861

Favorite

By extra crispy or original recipe - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24474

You deserved it

42712

Favorite

By uglyorstupid - Croatia

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a restaurant with a few other couples, and my boyfriend started to rant on how "all the hot chicks are dumb." Apparently, I'm either ugly or stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34192

You deserved it

5211

Favorite

By familyofpsychos - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29326

You deserved it

2330

Favorite

By reject - United Kingdom

Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33953

You deserved it

5905

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47833

You deserved it

4302

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96643

You deserved it

11161

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29338

You deserved it

8556

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1609

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By Brandy_Dandy78 - United States

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34313

You deserved it

5788

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Daphne

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21660

You deserved it

3393

Favorite

By Bug5992 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31722

You deserved it

10285

Favorite

By badcomparison - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks

7461

You deserved it

800

Favorite

By aceshot97 - Canada

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30405

You deserved it

7535

Favorite

By evilwater - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant when I knocked my glass of ice water over. In my attempt to clean it up with a napkin, I knocked a freshly filled cup of coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28497

You deserved it

8316

Favorite

By JayBausch - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51645

You deserved it

7039

Favorite

By squeak - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34047

You deserved it

13922

Favorite

By Humiliated - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29744

You deserved it

5337

Favorite

By bagpipesrkmywrld - United States

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51627

You deserved it

7835

Favorite

By Savannah - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9941

You deserved it

54939

Favorite

By blah - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66760

You deserved it

3796

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6438

You deserved it

420

Favorite

By blahblah - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16302

You deserved it

52874

Favorite

By brokebackanus - United States - Detroit

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23464

You deserved it

7768

Favorite

By Phil - Canada

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20486

You deserved it

3220

Favorite

By Michael D. - United States - Duluth

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14780

You deserved it

26940

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was singing the National Anthem at a school game and totally forgot the words. So I kept singing the same two lines over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16528

You deserved it

34182

Favorite

By jdmarine83 - United States

Today, I got my first job after having spent months looking, and graduating college in the meantime. I got it based on my pre-college qualifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26772

You deserved it

3306

Favorite

By accidentalslut - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22039

You deserved it

56086

Favorite

By Jodie - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11876

You deserved it

50121

Favorite

By I'm over it - United States

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23077

You deserved it

1526

Favorite

By mustanggt

Today, I submitted an offer on a house. I got a call a few minutes later saying that it had collapsed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2544

You deserved it

181

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#7699243 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:08

Ah Bingo. One of the ways to make sweet old ladies say the F word.

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7699245 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:21

B- Begging to daub
I- I have one spot left!
N-Noooo!
G- G*ddamn
O- Owning my $8 win

And Bingo is it's name-O!

COMMENTS

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#7699243 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:08

Ah Bingo. One of the ways to make sweet old ladies say the F word.

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7699245 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:21

B- Begging to daub
I- I have one spot left!
N-Noooo!
G- G*ddamn
O- Owning my $8 win

And Bingo is it's name-O!

By Ih8teenageangst | 19

#7699249 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:45

Ahhh now I get it, it's a profit deal!

By Isamermaid | 17

#7699302 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 8:15

85 other winners? Jesus, where do you play bingo at?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7699342 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 9:07

Funnily, a chicken dinner does cost around $8!

By melisssa87 | 30

#7699489 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 14:06

Oh I love playing car bingo. Go buy some candy for your win, you deserve it!

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7699826 - Thursday 27 September 2018 1:48

You should have received $8.81 at least then, assuming it was split perfectly evenly...

By Justin Allan Bannister | 9

#7699859 - Thursday 27 September 2018 3:39

invest your winnings at mcdonalds

By Matt Laraway | 4

#7700261 - Thursday 27 September 2018 16:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Sonotsuave | 33

#7752842 - Monday 14 January 2019 5:43

Welp you can buy some chipotle lol