Money: Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night...

By winner winner chicken dinner

Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night for months. It was a $750 bingo. I split with 85 other winners. My share was $8. FML

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Money

Late term

And today, on Dr Phil…

Bad timing

By Stephanie - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

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10521

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'd had it with my mom's addiction to weed, so I told her to choose between me or the weed. I'm currently looking on Craigslist for an apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39921

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13996

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By The fat and the ugly - Finland

Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41962

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44441

You deserved it

5489

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By tomtomcutiepoof - United States

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70679

You deserved it

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By footfetish - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42413

You deserved it

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By thefatnurse - United States - Roswell

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33129

You deserved it

4600

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15268

You deserved it

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By AtLeastIGetOvertime - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my supervisor if I could take a week off next month to go visit family. He laughed and said, "That's funny, I've put you down for extra time that week, so you can cover my shifts while I go to Spain!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1800

You deserved it

160

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By youcould'vejusttoldme - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3270

You deserved it

446

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By openmouthinsertfoot - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13569

You deserved it

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By nevasurprised - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8812

You deserved it

42706

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By shaverguy - United States

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39702

You deserved it

13540

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By Ugh

Today, I had my last assessment for my university degree in the form of an interview at 11am. Without doing this interview, I can't graduate. The interviewer was a no show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4302

You deserved it

194

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while practicing my gymnastics routine on the uneven bars, I was so distracted by my teammates' conversation about a party later that I miscalculated my flip and smacked my head on a bar. Ten stitches and a concussion later, I was left alone in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31579

You deserved it

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By littl3storm

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2204

You deserved it

159

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24876

You deserved it

1906

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By morethanredhands

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

You deserved it

7767

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Paul

High Times

Today, I got hit by a car while I was on the phone. I was sat at a bus stop. The driver was high and lost focus lighting another blunt. My family and some friends are mad that I'm pressing charges and making weed look bad in the media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1725

You deserved it

330

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By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Pyrotechnics

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1018

You deserved it

101

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By dtmfa - United States

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29952

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Warrior

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when halfway through, he leaned over to grab his cup of hot coffee off the nightstand. He then attempted to drink it and spilled most of it on me. He never stopped thrusting the whole time, and wanted to continue after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30362

You deserved it

3270

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By Brayden - Australia - Crib Point

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24218

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 07:58 - United States - Greensburg

Stuck on amber

Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

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1129

You deserved it

166

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By Shawn Bennight - 10/6/2020 08:07

Alexa, play "I Won't Share You" by The Smiths

Today, my wife of 23 years said she wanted a divorce, that she didn't love me anymore and is moving out. Why? I told her I didn't want us to date and have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1985

You deserved it

199

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By kaydebug

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1860

You deserved it

190

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By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25383

You deserved it

7755

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By Dopeydancer - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36127

You deserved it

13010

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By nobieb - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44037

You deserved it

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By blah - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20496

You deserved it

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By double trouble

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35768

You deserved it

2545

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By yuck

Today, my father informed me that he is going to divorce his bitch of a wife, but told me not to say anything to mess things up, in case he wants to "hit that one more time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1814

You deserved it

130

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By Username - United States

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13774

You deserved it

51884

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By Grimmy - United States - Brunswick

Crack wars

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18572

You deserved it

9667

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By Crazyyyymomentsss - United States

Today, I found why exactly my clothes always seemed more stretched out after about a week of owning them. My mom steals and wears them when she goes clubbing. My mom is 46, twice my size, and gets out more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45918

You deserved it

3812

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By nobody asked you! - United States - New York

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2507

You deserved it

179

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By Joshua Sheldon - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23164

You deserved it

8477

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45494

You deserved it

6711

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By strictly cum prancing - United States

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20210

You deserved it

6856

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By Maggie123 - Canada

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33214

You deserved it

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Top comments

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#7699243 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:08

Ah Bingo. One of the ways to make sweet old ladies say the F word.

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7699245 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:21

B- Begging to daub
I- I have one spot left!
N-Noooo!
G- G*ddamn
O- Owning my $8 win

And Bingo is it's name-O!

COMMENTS

By LostInTheZone11 | 28

#7699243 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:08

Ah Bingo. One of the ways to make sweet old ladies say the F word.

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7699245 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:21

B- Begging to daub
I- I have one spot left!
N-Noooo!
G- G*ddamn
O- Owning my $8 win

And Bingo is it's name-O!

By Ih8teenageangst | 19

#7699249 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 5:45

Ahhh now I get it, it's a profit deal!

By Isamermaid | 17

#7699302 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 8:15

85 other winners? Jesus, where do you play bingo at?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7699342 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 9:07

Funnily, a chicken dinner does cost around $8!

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7699826 - Thursday 27 September 2018 1:48

You should have received $8.81 at least then, assuming it was split perfectly evenly...

By Justin Allan Bannister | 9

#7699859 - Thursday 27 September 2018 3:39

invest your winnings at mcdonalds

By Matt Laraway | 4

#7700261 - Thursday 27 September 2018 16:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Sonotsuave | 33

#7752842 - Monday 14 January 2019 5:43

Welp you can buy some chipotle lol