Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML
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By
shadowfighter10
| 9
*morgan freeman voice* she's right you know
Reply
buttcramp
| 21
hilarious #1! OP, maybe she wants sex to be more special than just drunk sex. Sorry you got turned down though.
By
DorklyComicFan
| 8
Maybe she was drunk too.
Reply
SgtAssCheeks
| 21
Then her drunk ovaries would create total chaos with drunk sperm; Armageddon
Reply
ShadowNinja445
| 12
*Spermageddon
By
JoeyJaws68
| 18
Lethal
By
Pleonasm
| 34
The Hangover: Part Sex
"Holy shit, men, we've somehow made it to her bladder!"
"Holy shit, men, we've somehow made it to her bladder!"
By
Queen_bee1234
| 21
Doesn't seem like she is the sharpest tool in the shed.
Reply
klorehore
| 24
seems more like OP is the dumb one here, actually taking offense enough to post this on fml and expecting sympathy
Reply
sardonique
| 11
Stop talking about yourself like that.
By
seprunner
| 12
That's how accidents happen
Reply
iLike2Teabag
| 27
Is that how you happened?
By
ZY1431
| 24
well maybe she......yea no I got nothing sorry. not the sharpest tool in the or whatever you wanna use.
Reply
bubblyhayley
| 16
erm, what!!??
Reply
Hiimhaileypotter
| 52
Apparently #8 is drunk as well.
By
girlrome
| 19
Either she's really stupid or simply wasn't in the mood to sleep with you.
By
booze_n_bitches
| 35
Legit excuse, I'll remember that one.
By
Zen_Mei
| 17
She doesn't want to take any chances just in case you don't pull out quick enough
Reply
SuperStormCindy
| 8
pulling out doesn't work.
Reply
anon42146
| 8
can someone please inform me how pulling out "doesn't work" the only fucking way to get pregnant is for the sperm to be inside, if he pulls his shit out before he finishes, there won't be a problem.
Reply
Ari1337
| 15
pre-ejaculation my friend.
Reply
mrlopez
| 13
To add to #71, pre-cum. Don't think anything is foolproof...
Reply
DanielleinDC
| 32
This is the problem with abstinence-only "education". Before a man comes, there's already fluid leaking (pre-ejaculate), and it often will have enough sperm to knock a woman up if she's at the right time in her cycle. Not to mention if a guy is drunk, he may not do so in time.
I'm willing to be OP's girlfriend just didn't want to have sex with her drunken boyfriend and made up a stupid excuse.
I'm willing to be OP's girlfriend just didn't want to have sex with her drunken boyfriend and made up a stupid excuse.
Reply
sonictardis
| 8
the tiniest amount of pre-cum. That's how my nephew was conceived.
"Holy shit, men, we've somehow made it to her bladder!"