By vegas-81 - 10/02/2014 03:39 - France

Spicy
Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML
I agree, your life sucks 50 532
You deserved it 16 389

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*morgan freeman voice* she's right you know

The Hangover: Part Sex "Holy shit, men, we've somehow made it to her bladder!"

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*morgan freeman voice* she's right you know

hilarious #1! OP, maybe she wants sex to be more special than just drunk sex. Sorry you got turned down though.

Maybe she was drunk too.

Then her drunk ovaries would create total chaos with drunk sperm; Armageddon

The Hangover: Part Sex "Holy shit, men, we've somehow made it to her bladder!"

Doesn't seem like she is the sharpest tool in the shed.

seems more like OP is the dumb one here, actually taking offense enough to post this on fml and expecting sympathy

Stop talking about yourself like that.

That's how accidents happen

Is that how you happened?

well maybe she......yea no I got nothing sorry. not the sharpest tool in the or whatever you wanna use.

erm, what!!??

Apparently #8 is drunk as well.

Either she's really stupid or simply wasn't in the mood to sleep with you.

Legit excuse, I'll remember that one.

She doesn't want to take any chances just in case you don't pull out quick enough

pulling out doesn't work.

can someone please inform me how pulling out "doesn't work" the only fucking way to get pregnant is for the sperm to be inside, if he pulls his shit out before he finishes, there won't be a problem.

pre-ejaculation my friend.

To add to #71, pre-cum. Don't think anything is foolproof...

This is the problem with abstinence-only "education". Before a man comes, there's already fluid leaking (pre-ejaculate), and it often will have enough sperm to knock a woman up if she's at the right time in her cycle. Not to mention if a guy is drunk, he may not do so in time. I'm willing to be OP's girlfriend just didn't want to have sex with her drunken boyfriend and made up a stupid excuse.

the tiniest amount of pre-cum. That's how my nephew was conceived.