By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Hmmm, twins

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

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This is fine

Ideal first date

Knock off

By fckdsamaritan - Tunisia

Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to him gratuitously stroking my breasts with his elbow. FML

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By anonymous - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

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By stinker - United States

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

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By Airplane crap - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

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By blarghhhh - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bay Shore

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

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By just hangin

Today, as I was pulling wire for an addition to my bosses house, I was on a ladder drilling a hole when my coworker kicked the ladder out from under me and left me hanging from a rafter twenty feet in the air. To make matters worse, I had to pee. I'm now in my car with dead arms and wet pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

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By DisappointedDaughter

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

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By BFfail - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML

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By Angela17

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

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By Noalixah - Finland

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

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By DravensMommy - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there awhile. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for "help". FML

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By b.fritz - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

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By unhappyelf - United States

Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML

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By Norah - United States

Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML

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By Kohsukeff - 6/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Overreact much?!

Today, my dad called me a "worthless human being", and told me that I'm "better off committing crimes and living life in a prison cell", all because I haven't gotten into the industry I studied for right out of college. I'm currently at a temp job doing accounting. FML

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By Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

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By kappu

Today, I got home to find my house trashed, my TV, PlayStation, and laptop smashed, all my clothes burning in the backyard, and all my food gone. Turns out my girlfriend did this after going through my phone and finding a contact named "Kristi". Kristi is my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 00:30 - Germany

You tried!

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML

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By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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By Shirley - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

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By brylynn - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

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By shrutisoma - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 05:01

Technologically challenged

Today, my aged mother continued to complain about her computer issues to me. A relative, who is good at tech support, won't bother servicing her computer because whatever she does ends up bogging it down the next day, so I have to hear about it on the phone. FML

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By concernedson - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

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By GrLifeusx - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

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By effmylife - United States

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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By badparent - Australia - Southport

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

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By not my fault you got knocked up - 9/8/2020 20:02

Sister of the year

Today, my older sister threw an epic tantrum, demanding that my parents not pay for my 21st birthday trip. She insists it’s not fair for them to gift me a trip, since she didn’t get to celebrate her 21st. She didn’t get to celebrate because she was pregnant. Now my mom wants to reconsider. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

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By Fred - France

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

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By TayRenee - United States - Rock Hill

Today, while in an ambulance after being in a car wreck, the EMT told me I would need to sign some electronic paperwork. He held it above my head for me to sign and promptly dropped it on my my face, breaking my nose. FML

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By left out - United States - Spencer

Today, I sang "happy birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

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Top comments

By Helldozer | 0

#615449 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:21

It could that it's because you fuck like a porn star.

By blackicysheep | 8

#615474 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:35

hahahahaha what's the porn stars name?? and you should be flattered. guys jack off to you :)

COMMENTS

By Helldozer | 0

#615449 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:21

It could that it's because you fuck like a porn star.

Reply

White667 | 0

#615544 - Sunday 11 October 2009 17:44

Most guys pick their porn stars that look like their girlfriends, so at least your guy is interesting.

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#969646 - Sunday 28 March 2010 4:58

which one?

Reply

victoria4161993 | 0

#1019998 - Saturday 5 June 2010 7:37

hahaha so Ive had guys only date my for my boobs i'm not complaining

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#3849651 - Sunday 8 January 2012 10:03

At least he thinks you're attractive

By matthew91 | 0

#615457 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:25

dump him. he's a low life. no joke.

Reply

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#2778997 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 12:34

isnt that wat all guys do?

Reply

THEsuperMANLYman | 10

#4541228 - Friday 8 June 2012 19:10

No

Reply

Autistic_Slut | 9

#6560206 - Wednesday 16 March 2016 5:36

i doubt you can find a guy that doesnt watch porn, does that mean that all men are no lifes?

By blackicysheep | 8

#615474 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:35

hahahahaha what's the porn stars name?? and you should be flattered. guys jack off to you :)

Reply

alexg823 | 0

#2449363 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 3:47

Amen.

Reply

randomstudios | 0

#2547497 - Sunday 22 May 2011 5:52

What does "amen" even mean?

Reply

olive47_fml | 0

#2685100 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 8:36

"let it be so" thats what it means

Reply

tutuluzer5968 | 0

#3656178 - Tuesday 29 November 2011 4:03

Yeah but it's the only reason he's dating her that's fucked up

Reply

threer | 30

#5946471 - Friday 16 May 2014 0:08

Not only guys; girls masturbate to porn as well.

By Jizzylol | 0

#615476 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:36

why dump him? its a compliment

By dmmd8686 | 0

#615489 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:49

I'm sure this comment will be removed but it's true and should be said anyway: no matter how much we say otherwise, we (guys) are with you (ladies) for your looks. so be flattered! that's a lofty compliment.

Reply

ryguy1997 | 0

#973472 - Saturday 3 April 2010 8:08

No not always...

Reply

CamBam97 | 7

#6250657 - Thursday 2 April 2015 17:19

Word,

By mycintosh | 0

#615498 - Sunday 11 October 2009 16:58

I really don't know what are you complaining about ...

By scateice | 0

#615508 - Sunday 11 October 2009 17:07

figgle bop giggity goo u r my favorite porn star oh sweet honey dew you

By flyboy57 | 0

#615512 - Sunday 11 October 2009 17:12

that means you're hot. get over it!

By burnquist764 | 0

#615537 - Sunday 11 October 2009 17:39

Porn stars are hot, take it for the compliment is.

Reply

gameoverman_fml | 0

#615626 - Sunday 11 October 2009 18:45

Unless of course her boyfriend is into overweight midget porn...

Reply

CynicComedian | 2

#625208 - Sunday 18 October 2009 3:36

LMAO!

At any rate, if there's a way to show images on this site, I think we need comparison pics...;)

Reply

mknewt95 | 0

#974943 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 4:13

Oh snaps!! (>^.^<)

Reply

loganm22 | 0

#1841429 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 8:09

or anime porn...

By Bunny702 | 0

#615551 - Sunday 11 October 2009 17:51

Dont ruin his dreams. Thats a dream that all of us men hold dearly and few ever accomplish.