By massachusettsan - United States - Monomoy Island

Guitar Porn

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

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Out of it

Own it

Vulture

By blaze - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

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By NAT - United States - Gaffney

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

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By mhmohyeah - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

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By Stripperofthemall - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

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By Ihadnoidea - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

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By partypooper - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

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By Addianna - Canada - Edmonton

Today, and every day this week, my office mate has decided to "liven up the place" by singing and whistling Christmas tunes and other unknown songs. She has zero musical ability. FML

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By eringoBRA - United States

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

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By unhappystudent - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML

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By _sourdiesel7 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

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By idgit42 - United States

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

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By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

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By Swivel - Singapore

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

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By Fairymyass - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

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By Anonymous

Sounds reasonable

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

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By yper - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

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By anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

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By Snowflakepandi

Sneaky sneaky...

Today, while on vacation, I found out that my boyfriend moved out. He had claimed that he couldn't come with me because his boss messed up his time off request, and for the last two days he said he'd been "cleaning". FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2021 17:01 - Sweden - G?teborg

PS I Love You

Today, I had a group project on Zoom with some classmates I'm not so familiar with. When we were done and said our goodbyes, I said, "Bye bye, I love you." FML

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By Tweety - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

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By Awkward - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

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By maxthndr - United States

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

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By micheal - United States

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

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By Grad2010 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

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By sastgamer - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

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By GuessImWalking

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

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By Baby_girl - United States

Remember bars?

Today, my best friend whom I have been in love with for years, called me, proposed, and confessed his love for me. He was at a noisy bar so I asked him to call me back later and we'd discuss it. He called back later, hungover, with no recollection of our conversation whatsoever. FML

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By SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

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By charlie - United States

Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML

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By Joey - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

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By Fefrank

I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. Today I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

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By sorrynotsorry - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

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By WTTFFFF - United States - Tecumseh

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

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Top comments

By BradTheBrony | 19

#5987492 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:27

I fail to see the problem.

By mmaalouf97 | 12

#5987488 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:26

hard much..?

COMMENTS

By mmaalouf97 | 12

#5987488 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:26

hard much..?

Reply

DarksideDoll | 31

#5987610 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 11:25

Gotta love cheap thrills.

Reply

Helpfulman | 17

#5987899 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 17:37

Guitar Hero is the shit.

Reply

LeBoss2001 | 5

#5988407 - Thursday 26 June 2014 0:29

I see what u did there #1 :D

Reply

pooldude | 24

#5990082 - Friday 27 June 2014 17:52

Yah, it was not that hard to see #75!

By luke_preston | 11

#5987489 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:27

Sorry, but your life does suck OP

Reply

gjikvtj | 18

#5987525 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:39

Duuude on an FML? Duuuude

Reply

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5987532 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:44

14, your profile picture gets me every time.

Reply

gjikvtj | 18

#5987540 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:48

Sorry bugs

Reply

Soulsbane96_fml | 11

#5987847 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 16:18

Gee, I wish there were a button to express that sentiment.

By BradTheBrony | 19

#5987492 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:27

I fail to see the problem.

By Sebastian2022 | 22

#5987493 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:27

I bet you are a great guitar player. :D

Reply

coklara | 15

#5987949 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 18:29

*guitar HERO player

Reply

WD_Stevens | 22

#5987990 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 18:57

Very true, 61. Paul McCartney's children have beaten him at Guitar Hero and he's just said 'Well, I wrote the originals so nyerh.'

By Mr_Brightside209 | 12

#5987495 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:28

be grateful, excessive masturbation is a real problem here in america...

By ConstantlyAnna | 8

#5987496 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:29

I have the same problem when I play too! Maybe we should play together?

Reply

gjikvtj | 18

#5987569 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 9:03

Do you need some water because....

Reply

juan3611 | 14

#5987583 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 9:35

The thirst, it's real.

By Vgthtju65u | 4

#5987497 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:29

Maybe guitar hero is the one for you

By Fredbluewhite | 9

#5987501 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:30

You should by a real guitar

Reply

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5987530 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:42

You should by a real education.

Reply

BunchieRules | 31

#5987561 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 8:43

You should buy a vowel. Perhaps "u" would suffice.

Reply

dreamweaver1227 | 11

#5987597 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 10:11

Oh God, the irony.

Reply

massachusettsan | 7

#5988197 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 20:58

#8 i do

Reply

mattyiscool123 | 26

#5988271 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 22:25

Let's start by spelling buy correctly, and then go from there

By kelsorg | 21

#5987502 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:30

brings guitar hero to a whole new level. fyl, you might need a new hobby.

By cassiemarie1023 | 5

#5987510 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:33

Well you're easily pleased.