Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 107

You deserved it 5 247

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Same thing different taste

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 335

You deserved it 40 457

By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 57 606

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 467

You deserved it 32 638

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 418

You deserved it 6 699

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 898

You deserved it 6 674

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 588

You deserved it 15 227

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 10 181

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 1 326

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 867

You deserved it 68 138

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 121

You deserved it 10 610

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

ashleii2010 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 3:40

hhhahahhha that's great ^_^

gogreen8856 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 3:45

um yea, he might be gay!

gondor17 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:07

GAY

ledara111 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:24

well your from arakansas...

nahgemsoohc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:28

shit... you're in trouble...

TheJashinist 8

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:38

Could be worse, maybe it isn't a facial moustache?

KittyOnHigh 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:08

Right when he's about to finish just say 'IT'S A ME A MARIOO'

5Letters_YMCMB 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:13

I guess your boyfriend wants a boyfriend.

alexandrab 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:15

get a hint!!!!!

theworldandme_fml 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:16

yeah I think you need to have a serious talk to him because during sex he is totally picturing someone else and not you. how sad.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said that I reminded her of her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 402

You deserved it 7 420

Today, after a very long, nasty custody battle with his ex, my boyfriend’s kids were finally scheduled to spend the night at our house. Today is also the day my daughter came home with a note from school about the massive lice outbreak on campus. Yup she has it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 103

The Top

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with, "When I win the lottery…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 560

You deserved it 9 672

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 59

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 402

You deserved it 586

Today, my mother-in-law thinks she's the only person in the world who can stop the coronavirus crisis. So far, she has brought thyme, honey, lemons, parsley, ridiculously expensive and poisonous silver water and, of course, the cure-all: berry juice. You'd wonder how I have managed to keep my family alive until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 143

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 148

You deserved it 30 561

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He said, "Yeah well, you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 4 142