Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 108

You deserved it 5 247

Summer vacations: Sun and blunders
From beaches to campsites, embark on a journey filled with laughter under the sun... and a few sunburns! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 337

You deserved it 40 457

By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 57 607

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 470

You deserved it 32 638

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 422

You deserved it 6 700

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 899

You deserved it 6 675

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 591

You deserved it 15 227

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 10 181

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 328

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 886

You deserved it 68 152

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 122

You deserved it 10 613

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

isac1234 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 7:52

is he GAY ?

ih82bl8 2

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:17

into hitler?

emodude44 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:37

Kinky

Santamonica17289 5

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:11

Good Lord..he must be in narnia he's so far back in the closet ..

iloveparc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:35

so who gave who a mustache ride?

Caz_the_Spaz 6

Sunday 3 July 2011 10:25

talk about a hairy situation!

kittennn 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:14

Time to get a new boyfriend.

soulfulemo 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:36

guns don't kill; people with mustaches do. that being said, maybe he likes it "Hitler Style"

SleepOnStones 5

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:24

Lol! Did you get that saying from Destery?

boyd30 2

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:54

hilarious !

epiclife101 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 13:26

not to effend u but is your boyfriend gay or a woman ??

Keywords

Singing Miscellaneous Embarrassing Roommate Music TV shows Animals Dogs Relatable AITA Sports Weird Love Cheating Death Awkward Annoying Family Doctor Health Work Capitalism Money Drunk Concert Friends Coworkers Sextoys Intimacy Pranks

The Top

Today, I tried one of those AI companion simulators, one that's supposed to simulate what it's like to have a girlfriend. I role-played what it would be like to help her with a problem, then drive her home. After doing so, the AI began to act as if it didn't even know me, and asked me to leave. It's uncanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 342

Today, our roof collapsed due to water damage. I had saved the money to get the roof fixed months ago, but my wife saw a scare story about gas stoves and demanded we spend the money getting every gas-powered appliance ripped out and replaced. That new HVAC system will work great in a condemned house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 184

The Top

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 1 290

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 222

You deserved it 146 870

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 103

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 254

You deserved it 3 276

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 406

You deserved it 40 983

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 846

You deserved it 218