Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 108

You deserved it 5 247

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Same thing different taste

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 337

You deserved it 40 457

By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 57 607

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 470

You deserved it 32 638

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 422

You deserved it 6 700

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 899

You deserved it 6 675

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 591

You deserved it 15 227

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 10 181

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 328

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 886

You deserved it 68 152

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 122

You deserved it 10 613

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

bbgisbeautifull 1

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:24

well what do u expect.... boys are odd when it cones to sex

nashvillelover 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:34

lmfao!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!... wtf...

maddie2015 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:40

is he gay?

jannie22 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:50

well at least you ha to wear a fake one and don't actually have a mustache op!

bzett 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:57

i mustache you a question, but ill just shave it for later.

GrahamAker 3

Sunday 3 July 2011 6:24

he trolled the shot outta of you. making you a tranvsviste? anyone else read it like that?

HarrietPotter239 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 6:47

ITS-A ME, MARIO.

Bananaque 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 7:17

He loves the molest-ashe!

Ray_of_midnight 22

Sunday 3 July 2011 7:23

Tell him, "I'm sorry, Mario, but your princess is in another castle."

ReynshineCutting 10

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:02

...or another closet...

ErinKidCannibal_fml 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 7:34

Your boyfriend is wise.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my delusional parents are harassing me to donate my house to my little sister, because she's now a single mother at 17, and needs a house for the baby, but sure, I should reward her by giving her my stuff that I worked hard for, just because she can’t keep her knees together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 96

Today, our roof collapsed due to water damage. I had saved the money to get the roof fixed months ago, but my wife saw a scare story about gas stoves and demanded we spend the money getting every gas-powered appliance ripped out and replaced. That new HVAC system will work great in a condemned house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 184

The Top

Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 195

Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 204

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 768

You deserved it 7 457

Today, I had to dig into my savings to help my parents pay for their divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 4 183

Today, every one of the girls in the friend group I’m in collectively agreed that I'm too soft, innocent, and adorable looking to date or hook up with. However, they expressed that they each want to get with my best friend, and asked me if I can set each of them up with him to hook up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 86

Today, my parents ate at a new Italian restaurant. They said it was the best they'd ever had and brought me some, insisting I try it. It had so much garlic and sugar in it that I couldn't finish. They're upset because one of our cousins owns the restaurant, and they say I'm not being supportive. We're Irish, not Italian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 65