Relationships and Relatable: Good girl

Good girl

By StarvedForAffection - 13/01/2021 17:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 233

Relationships Relatable

Leave us alone

The runs

Friend's best friend

By pygmalion - 26/09/2009 10:39 - United Kingdom

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 504

You deserved it 5 344

Very frustrating

By Anonymous - 18/01/2020 05:00

Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him full force dead center in the chest right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 854

You deserved it 1 989

Unloveable

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 23:01

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 73

By LiLGeek - 12/01/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 510

You deserved it 9 123

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 4 001

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 19:51 - Estonia

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 019

You deserved it 2 842

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 250

You deserved it 4 374

By Shame - 19/09/2012 20:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 042

You deserved it 3 592

By shinee - 15/08/2010 16:05 - Singapore

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 313

You deserved it 3 611

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 012

You deserved it 31 556

Bad, so bad

By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 07:20 - United States

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 828

You deserved it 2 318

By my face though - 25/01/2016 17:04 - United States - Kettle Falls

Today, I had to leave class early due to a profusely bleeding pimple on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 761

You deserved it 2 438

By mcds2 - 18/03/2013 08:28 - United States

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 731

You deserved it 3 500

By aridaley - 21/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 512

You deserved it 64 852

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 297

You deserved it 8 041

By Anonymous - 11/01/2012 20:08 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 306

You deserved it 7 478

By imsad - 06/11/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 682

You deserved it 2 589

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 461

You deserved it 11 093

By FML - 24/12/2011 01:32 - Sweden

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 5 045

This Is Us

By CrackHouseBaby - 16/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 141

By chacha_bby - 23/08/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 617

You deserved it 51 599

By EastOneTen - 06/10/2012 07:28 - United States

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 247

You deserved it 3 500

By that violates the Geneva conventions - 05/08/2016 09:33 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 389

You deserved it 980

By jjjjjjmmmmm92 - 20/07/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 849

You deserved it 76 848

By boardwalk the fuck out of my resturaunt - 17/06/2019 00:01 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I received a tip in Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 127

By sydsophnova - 02/07/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 046

You deserved it 9 447

By Too much skin? - 18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 552

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 21:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 803

You deserved it 14 903

By mcadabax - 05/11/2011 11:06 - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 203

You deserved it 3 878

Blackout drunk

By MagnusDeus - 07/06/2015 15:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 761

You deserved it 1 745

By poop towel - 15/09/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 2 223

By werewolfoflondon - 03/11/2010 02:16 - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 531

You deserved it 2 870

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 14:31 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 366

You deserved it 4 245

By lalalee - 18/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 047

You deserved it 3 324

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - 08/08/2016 19:12 - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 730

You deserved it 3 041

By Ashley - 03/05/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 717

You deserved it 2 251

By trying2breathe - 22/11/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 269

You deserved it 2 834

By concom - 27/05/2015 19:40 - Cyprus

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 608

You deserved it 2 084

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 558

You deserved it 7 007

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Top comments

Warp1978 15

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 23:59

Not to be funny but praising is a definite kink it's more common than you'd think. Because everyone likes a little praise in their lives

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 14 January 2021 0:34

Hey, you've got great shoes. Now will you send me some noodz, plz?

Comments

Warp1978 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 13 January 2021 23:59

Not to be funny but praising is a definite kink it's more common than you'd think. Because everyone likes a little praise in their lives

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 14 January 2021 0:34

Hey, you've got great shoes. Now will you send me some noodz, plz?

J15237 25

Send a private message

Saturday 20 February 2021 21:52

If you have a man who does not compliment you every day its time to look for somebody else. Clearly this person does not appreciate you.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 20

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 190