Relationships, Friends and Weird: Creepy

Creepy

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 20:01

Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so having a friend nearby is a huge win for her. What my wife doesn’t know is that her new friend keeps hitting on me, and has already sent me unsolicited nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 277

Relationships Friends Weird

Leave us alone

No sex, lots of violins

So compassionate

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 089

You deserved it 195

By Noname - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 819

You deserved it 48 540

By Anonim23 - 15/08/2019 20:00

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 215

Stay classy

By chattyloz - 07/02/2013 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 816

You deserved it 39 752

Annie's Song

By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 279

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 729

You deserved it 360

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 20:58 - Philippines

Today, my hypochondria is getting worse. I think it's because of watching too much Grey's Anatomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 618

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 23:00 - United States - Marlton

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 421

You deserved it 3 955

By Coffee - 06/08/2018 16:30

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 807

You deserved it 1 057

Maths

By math is literal violence - 20/11/2021 08:01

Today, despite doing extra credit, staying after class to have one-on-one tutoring with the TA, doing online tutoring and watching YouTube videos, I still absolutely cannot do math! I’ve been reduced to bribing my nephew to do my work for me. I’m in college. He’s in 7th grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 327

By Username - 26/04/2011 19:11 - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 896

You deserved it 40 180

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 075

You deserved it 7 929

Tasty

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 05:01

Today, despite having the choice of several bowls of clean water in the house, as well as puddles and ponds outside, my cat was drinking out of a pot I was soaking in the sink. She doesn’t seem to mind the taste of dish soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 054

You deserved it 75 437

By Missedtheboat - 30/10/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 651

You deserved it 32 538

By roadrage - 22/10/2009 13:11 - Australia

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 000

You deserved it 3 279

By iamlauraheremecry - 27/01/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my power went out due to a huge snow storm. I was in desperate need of candles and flashlights. I had to walk to the store since the roads were closed. I walked 4 miles in the blizzard. When I got home, the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 912

You deserved it 8 448

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 12:37 - Canada

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 937

You deserved it 28 816

By icyrebel25 - 12/11/2013 23:57 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 886

You deserved it 5 221

By theothercassie - 10/02/2011 14:55

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 474

You deserved it 2 596

By Goatczar - 29/04/2015 14:49 - United States - Orem

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 768

You deserved it 2 883

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 842

You deserved it 4 487

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 10:35 - Norway

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 854

You deserved it 2 376

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 286

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 544

You deserved it 2 505

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 695

You deserved it 5 264

By xxccruzxx - 29/06/2012 13:30 - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 133

You deserved it 29 752

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 18:14 - Canada

Today, my sister was playing a rock star in a play. When she got home, she told me she used one of my old guitars, because I told her it was ok. I said she could take one to practice on, not destroy on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 4 025

By idgit42 - 27/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 699

You deserved it 30 286

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 19/04/2015 15:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 7 850

By Nudge23 - 26/09/2011 07:26 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 749

You deserved it 4 645

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 978

You deserved it 8 019

By luvs2spooge89 - 01/05/2013 14:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 872

You deserved it 76 301

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 989

You deserved it 2 402

By Small_Fry_Hero - 21/10/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 557

You deserved it 3 512

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 705

You deserved it 5 544

By Goobie - 15/01/2010 07:24 - United States

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 3 631

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 02:00

Today, despite over 100 colleagues agreeing to attend a protest over our working conditions, no one turned up because they were too afraid of losing their jobs. Since I was alone, I was sacked on the spot and physically thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 194

Harsh

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 16:59

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 711

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Top comments

Ambrily 27

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 20:03

You need to tell your wife about it. I understand that having a friend is a huge thing for her, but the neighbor is obviously NOT a friend, she's just using her to get to you. And your wife deserves a better friend than that.

ghostinflames 13

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Thursday 14 January 2021 1:30

Knowledge is power. The more aware she is of the situation, the better she can deal with it. Or you both can deal with it together. Avoiding the truth and lying is just going to dig a hole for yourself that you can't get out of even if you are supposedly "innocent ." Lying makes you part of the problem.

Ambrily 27

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 20:03

123Puppy 32

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 21:02

I agree. You should tell your wife! She deserves to know!

mskeptik 12

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 23:04

There is one more reason to tell her ASAP - she may talk to your wife first and pretend you are the one hitting on her. It is a very old trick described even in the Bible (Genesis 39:12-20). Tell her, dude!

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 20:18

So I'm guessing threesomes and swinging are out? Damn the luck!

Niniva 5

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Thursday 14 January 2021 10:04

Worked for me. The instant I hit-on her, she was suddenly no longer interested in flirting.

Warp1978 15

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Thursday 14 January 2021 0:00

Time to keep that neighbour at a distance yeah

ghostinflames 13

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Thursday 14 January 2021 1:23

Sounds like more chicken shit. Damn, grow a pair and communicate.

ghostinflames 13

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Thursday 14 January 2021 1:30

Chels 10

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Thursday 14 January 2021 5:02

Why would you not tell your WIFE you received nudes from someone??

ghostinflames 13

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Thursday 14 January 2021 7:40

Good question. I can understand waiting for the proper time, which normally is immediately, waiting for privacy is a factor, but keeping it withheld altogether is a no no.