Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
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Top comments
livewire1701 8
Your dad is awesome!
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.
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Comments (259)
you_failed 15
Amen to your pops! :D
peasinacan 0
...he has a point...
Peasanthunter_fml 0
Lol your dad is right...
saturnsonic 3
your Dad is awesome!!!!
shinydragonmist 0
whenever your parents are not going to be home for a whole go and get some of your mom's clothes which you think are ugly and bring them out side and biry them maybe even soak them before you bury them. ah sweet revenge
shinydragonmist 0
sorry wrong one but you did sound like a teenager
BabyLuis 0
hoe
jess6blondie9 3
How does that make her a hoe?
salsalover_12 5
It's an FML because the OP was just trying to hide the condoms because generally if you hav ea guest come over to your house you don't want the first thing they see to be a pack of condoms it's almost like leaving maxi pads out.
SaharNar 0
bwhahaha funny :) your dad has a point!
GeneralMotors 23
best dad ever award should go to him!