Intimacy: Good catch - FML

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

agreeclassic 21 597

vote type 1 91 053

Watch out for the New Year
It's time to say goodbye to the current year, but when the goodbye goes wrong, it's a different story. Be careful, you might want to stay at home. More…

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By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

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Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

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By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

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Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

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By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

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Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

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By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

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Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

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By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

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Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

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By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

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By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

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Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

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By NotSoComfortable - 17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

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Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

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By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

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Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

livewire1701 8

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

Your dad is awesome!

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.

Comments

randomosity11 3

Friday 18 March 2011 16:11

And this is an FML because.....

Grand_Cookie 21

Friday 18 March 2011 16:34

lol

takemewithy0u 0

Friday 18 March 2011 16:42

pick up after yourself, dumbass!

Mitcha857 0

Friday 18 March 2011 16:47

your a grown man so act like it dumbass

Patrickboy 0

Friday 18 March 2011 21:43

actually it's a woman dumbass

Frenchface 0

Friday 18 March 2011 16:50

hahaha looks like your pops told you

fawkingAye 0

Friday 18 March 2011 17:08

is your dad Red?

seximexi911 10

Friday 18 March 2011 17:08

does your dads name happen to be red Forman?

freshx_fml 6

Friday 18 March 2011 17:12

you're sofa king dumb. ass.

you_failed 15

Friday 18 March 2011 18:08

Amen to your pops! :D

you_failed 15

Friday 18 March 2011 18:10

Amen to your pops! :D

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Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

agreeclassic 89 552

vote type 1 6 358

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "Eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

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