Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML
Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML
Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
livewire1701 8
Your dad is awesome!
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (259)
nathantat 0
YDI for still using condoms after 9 years. I feel sorry for your husband.
marissabunge23 0
haha lmao
needsagf14 12
mean father. you were just avoiding an awkward moment...didn't work
justthinkaboutit 2
watch out. it's the grammar police! get a life Geesh!!!!
IamCharlie1 0
.
IamCharlie1 0
Everyone has their own preference. it's not that big of a deal.
MyBabyAeries 3
Your dad is such a jerk. It's a respect thing... Granted, having condoms on the table is convenient, but not for company. :P -- IMO, it's a Dad-thing. They'll never get over themselves.
momma_jess20 0
lmao! ur dads fffuuuunnny
OhFiona1 0
Okay, first off why were there condoms on your table? You should put them in your nighstand drawer like normal people do, lol.
WildInTheStreets 5
this isn't even a FML.