Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
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Top comments
almost_there44 26
If she was already drunk, why would you offer to buy her another drink?
Magnoxidans 19
If you're trying to get drunk chicks drunker, that probably isn't a deal breaker for you...
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Comments (40)
almost_there44 26
If she was already drunk, why would you offer to buy her another drink?
crudeandrudeguy 29
Lack of morals...
tin_cup 27
Alcohol is the best truth serum!
yes31601 16
Dodged a bullet there, OP. Drunk words are sober thoughts and if her thoughts were true...
StarOfDoom 26
Drunk words are sober thoughts!
darwinism 30
Reply with "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look". Cheers.
Magnoxidans 19
If you're trying to get drunk chicks drunker, that probably isn't a deal breaker for you...
Goblin182 27
Well there you go, truth in advertising.
itssnotfunny 24
At least she told you before you (possibly) found out the hard way.
Cynical_1 26
Yes...why were you trying to buy her another drink? I find it most likely that you were trying to take advantage of an intoxicated woman. I think drunk or not she realised your intentions and told you that just to get rid of you. The fact that it seems to have worked only makes the theory all that much more plausible. Shame on you and kudos to her.
rldostie 19
Thank you.
Kitsi 14
You're awesome
Kitsi 14
You're awesome
Kitsi 14
You're awesome
darkangel7410 17
Way to assume. I know lots of people who but drinks for people just because they can. Sure getting a drink pertain more wasted looks bad but your putting words in his mouth. Maybe he was trying to pick her up. Neither of us know that so ease up on the bashing
RichardPencil 32
No *********** for you!
jdogg1971 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dude your comments are shit
RichardPencil 32
Do you know who the Soup Nazi is?