Intimacy: Fair Warning

Fair Warning

By TheNoseKnows - 16/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 863

You deserved it 2 572

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 22:31 - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 105

You deserved it 4 706

By jimbop - 23/05/2009 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 890

You deserved it 10 314

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 778

You deserved it 2 347

Fishing

By notgoth - 27/07/2014 22:17 - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 639

You deserved it 8 418

By Anonymous - 27/05/2014 19:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 768

You deserved it 5 496

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 280

Late night customers are the worst

By viviham - 04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 862

You deserved it 2 345

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 514

You deserved it 2 638

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 691

You deserved it 11 367

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 7 364

almost_there44 26

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:02

If she was already drunk, why would you offer to buy her another drink?

Magnoxidans 19

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:33

If you're trying to get drunk chicks drunker, that probably isn't a deal breaker for you...

Comments

almost_there44 26

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:02

If she was already drunk, why would you offer to buy her another drink?

crudeandrudeguy 29

Friday 17 February 2017 14:39

Lack of morals...

tin_cup 27

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:03

Alcohol is the best truth serum!

yes31601 16

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:04

Dodged a bullet there, OP. Drunk words are sober thoughts and if her thoughts were true...

StarOfDoom 26

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:07

Drunk words are sober thoughts!

darwinism 30

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:25

Reply with "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look". Cheers.

Magnoxidans 19

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:33

If you're trying to get drunk chicks drunker, that probably isn't a deal breaker for you...

Goblin182 26

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:34

Well there you go, truth in advertising.

itssnotfunny 24

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:35

At least she told you before you (possibly) found out the hard way.

Cynical_1 26

Thursday 16 February 2017 20:40

Yes...why were you trying to buy her another drink? I find it most likely that you were trying to take advantage of an intoxicated woman. I think drunk or not she realised your intentions and told you that just to get rid of you. The fact that it seems to have worked only makes the theory all that much more plausible. Shame on you and kudos to her.

rldostie 19

Thursday 16 February 2017 23:13

Thank you.

Kitsi 14

Friday 17 February 2017 3:18

You're awesome

Kitsi 14

Friday 17 February 2017 3:18

You're awesome

Kitsi 14

Friday 17 February 2017 3:18

You're awesome

darkangel7410 17

Monday 3 April 2017 14:08

Way to assume. I know lots of people who but drinks for people just because they can. Sure getting a drink pertain more wasted looks bad but your putting words in his mouth. Maybe he was trying to pick her up. Neither of us know that so ease up on the bashing