Work: Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to...

By What does this button do? - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6752

You deserved it

620

Favorite

Work

Proactive

There's no helping some people

One law for me…

By OhDear - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38330

You deserved it

4816

Favorite

By Idon'thave£12000

Could go either way, really

Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2416

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By Arsinoe - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32792

You deserved it

2608

Favorite

By Fag_Hag - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37265

You deserved it

3292

Favorite

By fartz - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48420

You deserved it

8075

Favorite

By serveandprotectyeahright - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47158

You deserved it

4545

Favorite

By DumpedHisAss - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37894

You deserved it

3732

Favorite

By 1337fade - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38119

You deserved it

9690

Favorite

By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40100

You deserved it

3669

Favorite

By ihatepizza - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

8065

You deserved it

1015

Favorite

By AudraRose - United States

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37375

You deserved it

3510

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39574

You deserved it

24215

Favorite

By H-B - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17571

You deserved it

88774

Favorite

By PoorCar - United States

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42184

You deserved it

2335

Favorite

By hikari_chan_xo - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13481

You deserved it

21190

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I realized that the random string of numbers I deleted in my phone notes a few months ago was actually the pin code to my new bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2186

You deserved it

2662

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22984

You deserved it

2224

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5453

You deserved it

259

Favorite

By runsinthefamily - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42478

You deserved it

4507

Favorite

By assault and imnotracistbuttery - United States - Waxahachie

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32850

You deserved it

2941

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11919

You deserved it

59808

Favorite

By Socarates - Ireland

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29177

You deserved it

5669

Favorite

By handymandy - United States

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30928

You deserved it

2590

Favorite

By Smashed - United States

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33379

You deserved it

2588

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34423

You deserved it

3534

Favorite

By "Jam2019"

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2065

You deserved it

223

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Stalker vibes

Today, I had a surprise visitor at my place. A guy I was talking to a few months back. He said he was down my way getting gas and thought he’d stop by. He lives more than 45 minutes from my place, in the opposite direction, with about 20 gas stations between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1074

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By rejected4555 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30990

You deserved it

6267

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30486

You deserved it

6627

Favorite

By RickTooBomb - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12672

You deserved it

801

Favorite

By grantsidiots - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56696

You deserved it

3129

Favorite

By hahagirl - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10414

You deserved it

34743

Favorite

By AnDroidZ_BabY - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36337

You deserved it

3808

Favorite

By Peaches - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8427

You deserved it

393

Favorite

By Perpetually F-ed. - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34211

You deserved it

9265

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I told my students that I would be taking a few weeks off because a member of my family is very ill. They all cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30405

You deserved it

9650

Favorite

By Sonakshi - 11/9/2020 13:03 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Detained

Today, I forgot to bring a letter to my secondary school, so I went to detention. I told them it got lost, but it's only when my parents phoned and told them the same thing that they believed it. So I got detention for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1109

You deserved it

191

Favorite

By konens_dick - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

275800

You deserved it

36915

Favorite

By TrolleyCollector - Australia - Seymour

Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14094

You deserved it

1978

Favorite

By f__k_it - United States

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22880

You deserved it

42044

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By definte | 8

#7411636 - Thursday 16 February 2017 22:37

As a certain infamous businessman known for 'Apprentice' once said, "You're fired."

By maharb01 | 17

#7411672 - Thursday 16 February 2017 23:29

if while in training they pushed a button before they understood what it did, that person is in the wrong line of work

COMMENTS

By Cynical_1 | 26

#7411622 - Thursday 16 February 2017 22:04

Maybe he mistook it for the "easy" button.

By thedragonborn456 | 4

#7411626 - Thursday 16 February 2017 22:08

Well, at least now they know

By definte | 8

#7411636 - Thursday 16 February 2017 22:37

As a certain infamous businessman known for 'Apprentice' once said, "You're fired."

cheshireau | 26

#7411693 - Friday 17 February 2017 0:22

I think I like Arnie's better. You're terminated, now get to the chopper. It's a bit more whimsical.

By hekinokuroihi | 20

#7411651 - Thursday 16 February 2017 22:59

Probably the first thing you should have told him when he got the job is not to touch that button unless there is an emergency...you know, like Men In Black.

By maharb01 | 17

#7411672 - Thursday 16 February 2017 23:29

if while in training they pushed a button before they understood what it did, that person is in the wrong line of work

By Moerighan | 23

#7411674 - Thursday 16 February 2017 23:37

Shouldn't that be explained before they get the chance to do that? Any emergency stop button should be one of the FIRST things someone learns about.

By SecretApprentice | 0

#7411709 - Friday 17 February 2017 0:44

Is your Apprentice DeeDee from Dexter's Lab

By jcash52426 | 5

#7411748 - Friday 17 February 2017 1:52

Today I didn't like the unpaid apprenticeship I started at so I pushed this button and while saying what does this do, causing the their production to completely stop. #suckstobethem

By Hippo_Holiday | 19

#7411762 - Friday 17 February 2017 2:14

Lucky it wasn't a fire all missiles button. Hey! I know what you can fire!

By Hippo_Holiday | 19

#7411763 - Friday 17 February 2017 2:14

Lucky it wasn't a fire all missiles button. Hey! I know what you can fire!