Sex, Drunk and Intimacy: Drunken antics

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 524

You deserved it 87 578

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 547

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 247

You deserved it 19 303

By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 605

You deserved it 7 443

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 876

You deserved it 11 301

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 413

You deserved it 14 009

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 778

You deserved it 2 347

By anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 5 936

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 760

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 277

You deserved it 6 301

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 583

You deserved it 8 213

ffpoisongirl 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.

LuckyCharms_fml 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning

Comments

hottiegurl 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:20

LMAO! Wow, very nice. We can't control what we do in our sleep!

baby_love 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:20

you should make fun of them when they act up and don't redeem their place as scum in the world :]

KeithHarris 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:20

I'll be nice. You're probably not that bad of a person babylove and I know you didn't mean the cutting in a messed up way. Just trying to crack jokes. no harm done

burberry_fml 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:23

I didn't mean that the cutting remark was mean to Keith. I'm sure he takes it as a joke. It's mean to people who read this and have actually have had to deal with depression/self-harm/suicide or something either from them or a friend or a family member. It's not funny. Not one bit.

KeithHarris 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:24

I know what she meant but she didn't mean it. she was just making a joke. Kinda like the special olympics joke obama made. If comedians had to appologize for every joke they made, they'd be unemployed. she was being funny. like I said no harm done.

Boudica 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:25

Everyone farts in their sleep, don't take it personally. =P

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:26

#76, you're speaking my language. I support what you're saying completely. It's not someone's fault whether they have emotional problems, complications, or difficulties or not. It's an unfair fight.

Ricochet_fml 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:26

#72, I think it relates more to someone telling you that you have a smelly ******. You certainly wouldn't feel good about them vocalizing it if it was fact. Your sexuality is embodied by one organ (not your **** or possible god forsaken ugliness) and people, man or woman, just don't want people mocking it.