Dramatic Entrance Fail By FML Approved - 01/08/2017 03:28 It's not easy being cheesy... I agree, your life sucks 577 You deserved it 210 Share Tweet Share
Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML I agree, your life sucks 32 261 You deserved it 8 797
Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML I agree, your life sucks 33 219 You deserved it 5 884
Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her Snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face, then tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML I agree, your life sucks 36 915 You deserved it 7 681
Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday, in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML I agree, your life sucks 28 777 You deserved it 5 143
Today, I told my supervisor that I would have appreciated more oversight when running an advanced protocol for the first time recently. I'm now doing remedial basic training, for reduced pay and benefits, and my probationary status is "extended indefinitely." FML I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 133
Today, I saw a homeless woman and a young man wrapped in a blanket so I went to give them a fiver. Turns out the woman was just helping calm her autistic son by wrapping him up, and not homeless at all. She kicked me in the balls and took the money anyway while I was on the ground. FML I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 161
Thank god the garage door was in the way, mom might have been just another statistic from being run over.