Miscellaneous: Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked...

By ScarredForLife - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

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Miscellaneous

"Life is unfair…"

Billy no-mates

Family matters

By unashamed - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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23428

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By Mark - United States

Today, it was the last day of school, and I said goodbye to one of my students. She then told me how to correctly pronounce her name. I'd said it wrong all year. FML

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23764

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By Username - United States

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

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35428

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5089

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By anon17 - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

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34511

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By Anonymous - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

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55250

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By Ew?Really? - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

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47957

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By ragingwaffles - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

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42146

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By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

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31136

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By ihatetheholidays

Today my boss informed us that there were no more single shifts we were all working doubles until further notice. Also there’s a way for us to “earn” a half day but we have to out sell everyone else in the office to get it. So being new I haven’t had time off in two weeks... FML

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2384

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170

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By notgoth - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

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44407

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By Anonymous - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

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10173

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By JK - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

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30853

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By Amber - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

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25617

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By Troy

Mom knows best

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

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933

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

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29404

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By Fml - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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51071

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By pissed

Today, I got offered an interview for a job after months of unemployment. It's a 3-month contract 3 hours away from where we live. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell me to move out and take our hamster with me. FML

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14777

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By fatass - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

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31427

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

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4075

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By sucksatlove - United States - Sewell

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

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64873

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

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7605

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By herzausstein - Belgium

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

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28568

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

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By Renna303

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

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3700

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521

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

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32368

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By pervert - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

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10482

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By SkeetinKeaton - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

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58929

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

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34484

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By latepayer - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

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30771

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By Casdmo

Today, the person who is supposed to train me at my new job left the country for a week due to a family emergency. I can't start until they return. This pushes my first paycheck back a pay period, two weeks later than expected. I'm already broke. FML

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4018

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314

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By cogu - France

Today, I realized my girlfriend has more hair on her abdomen than I have on mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30120

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6510

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

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9762

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By hawkwardd - Australia

Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML

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43730

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3220

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42687

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3380

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By Briana Bettis

Don't dip your pen in company ink, etc.

Today, after 2 years of searching, I finally have a job that I love. Now I'm probably going to lose it because I started having sex with one of my managers, and our coworkers are starting to catch on. They caught on pretty much the day I told him that we should stop having sex so we wouldn't lose our jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

514

You deserved it

3058

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By natalie_sarantos - United States - Marshfield

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21716

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By hairycarrie - 28/8/2020 04:49 - United States

Splitting hairs

Today, although the I’ve always kept my pubic hair neat and trimmed, my boyfriend once again complained that I don’t shave. When I told him that shaving is uncomfortable and risks ingrown hairs, he sulked and said, “But it’ll look so much better!” He needs to lay off the porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1918

You deserved it

485

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By no compassion - United States - Aurora

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

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45234

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4002

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

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52018

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6412

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Top comments

By powersticks | 16

#736029 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

Even though that's totally fucked up you have to admit that he has an awesome grandma.

By RuralNinja | 0

#736026 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

YDI for drinking with your grandma.

COMMENTS

By Maxine17 | 8

#736019 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:02

..Yum?

Ajjas013 | 6

#736130 - Friday 25 December 2009 17:42

Talk about distraction...

liveBabylon | 0

#736205 - Friday 25 December 2009 19:38

ROFL....
Thanks for not saying 1st :) Your are the best!!!!
+My name is Maxine :) nice to meet u

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#736344 - Friday 25 December 2009 21:33

Wow. Most favorite FML ever.

textasy2000 | 0

#738363 - Sunday 27 December 2009 5:05

LMAO that is freaking awesome...note to self burn eyes out lol fyl ydi for introducing it...sounds like a fun family though

rwac07 | 0

#975144 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 14:29

#20 is attempting to pick up?

FYL OP, you'll be scarred with visions of those wrinkled sandbags for the rest of your life.

Jordna | 0

#1057392 - Saturday 3 July 2010 10:18

I don't care what anyone else says. that family is AWESOME!!!

mind_geek | 15

#2398993 - Sunday 24 April 2011 19:01

wrinkled sandbags...*shudders*

pedosmurf | 7

#4028525 - Monday 13 February 2012 6:17

I bet he liked it

By RuralNinja | 0

#736026 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

YDI for drinking with your grandma.

LovelyTokyo | 0

#1740441 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 16:36

Yu'r family sounds awesome!

By Butcher_1419 | 0

#736027 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

*vomit puddle*

By powersticks | 16

#736029 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

Even though that's totally fucked up you have to admit that he has an awesome grandma.

karo_mit_k | 11

#736036 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:09

I agree.

DisappearingRose | 18

#2514846 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:56

Amen.

By Muffinish | 0

#736032 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:08

Please tell me you flashed her back.

Mylees | 0

#1425538 - Sunday 19 September 2010 6:26

omg love it

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#736035 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:09

GRAB THEM SADDLEBAGS AND RIDE HER ALLLLLL NIGGGHHHHHHHTTTTT LOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG

FNovus | 0

#736121 - Friday 25 December 2009 17:26

Puscifer FTW

By trackstar12 | 0

#736039 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:12

Come on. You never play beer pong with your family. FYL for gettin grandma drunk

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#736040 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:13

Pics or it didnt happen!
Your granny sure wants to win! introduce them to strip poker next...

Dylan94_fml | 8

#953525 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 12:49

yes, the first thing that came into his head after being flashed by his grandmother was to take a picture ...

By SimplySweetness | 0

#736049 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:23

oh, yuck!

By noobcaek | 2

#736061 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:31

LOL
Heres one thing;
YDI for introducing it to them.
YDI for not giving them a rule of nonos to flashing

esines | 9

#4413378 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 23:10

You mean two things?