Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked...

By ScarredForLife - 25/12/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34659

You deserved it

11841

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

Higher standards

All for nothing

By Anonymous - 31/3/2018 15:00

Today, a customer asked a question I couldn’t answer. I asked if she would wait while I consulted someone else, but she spat in my face and stormed off. My manager saw, wrote me up for refusing to help, and gave the woman a gift card for her troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4873

You deserved it

229

Favorite

By badenoughflowers - 14/1/2013 15:47 - United States - Ben Wheeler

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37511

You deserved it

3565

Favorite

By SenescentSouthernBoy - 17/8/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9452

You deserved it

60609

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/8/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, it was my first day of school as a freshman. I soon became lost and decided to ask a senior for directions to my class. They smiled at me and said "It's on the third floor to the right." After ten minutes of walking up and down stairs and hallways, I discovered there is no third floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33413

You deserved it

20906

Favorite

By Jessica - 8/7/2011 00:58 - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39497

You deserved it

3099

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40589

You deserved it

3836

Favorite

By McKenna - 16/7/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39162

You deserved it

17792

Favorite

By anonymous - 17/3/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41911

You deserved it

4061

Favorite

By sendhelp - 30/4/2017 16:00

Today, my mom asked me to take my dad's mail to him. The "mail" was divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5362

You deserved it

312

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/3/2017 08:00 - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4415

You deserved it

809

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2016 21:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12203

You deserved it

980

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2013 18:25 - United States - Unionville

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28994

You deserved it

38488

Favorite

By Voice29 - 26/3/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

179521

You deserved it

24759

Favorite

By - 31/1/2020 18:00

Selfish

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4323

You deserved it

291

Favorite

By pissed - 4/5/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63032

You deserved it

4950

Favorite

By Hornymuch - 2/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8074

You deserved it

28698

Favorite

By Sir Anon - 29/2/2016 20:18 - United States - Champlin

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

18396

You deserved it

2162

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/3/2012 16:28 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9963

You deserved it

48293

Favorite

By garfield749 - 29/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that I have to share a room with my new stepbrother. I also discovered that he takes the same number of showers over the course of two weeks as I do in a single day: one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30025

You deserved it

2223

Favorite

By choldcreations - 7/3/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22010

You deserved it

41144

Favorite

By sn-511 - 1/3/2013 22:54 - Italy - Naples

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68710

You deserved it

5953

Favorite

By Laurel - 25/5/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50746

You deserved it

9031

Favorite

By lingadoo - 7/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31915

You deserved it

4824

Favorite

By xolaurennnn - 22/5/2015 15:55 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26156

You deserved it

3275

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/5/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33224

You deserved it

5653

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:55 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25709

You deserved it

3566

Favorite

By Marona - 16/4/2015 07:59 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, after a discussion, my boyfriend said, "I think it's time you found somebody better." After I gave him a look, he continued, "For me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30942

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By ladyhead - 18/12/2008 16:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22901

You deserved it

3989

Favorite

By in this day and age.... - 27/3/2016 16:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20975

You deserved it

1772

Favorite

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30879

You deserved it

6266

Favorite

By brokenhome - 25/1/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24745

You deserved it

2638

Favorite

By Username - 23/1/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29147

You deserved it

2595

Favorite

By Good sister - 13/10/2011 23:20 - United States

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71944

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

By bananamuffin - 30/3/2012 19:13 - United States

Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6986

You deserved it

73757

Favorite

By axel519 - 31/12/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27933

You deserved it

3036

Favorite

By BiteMe - 30/8/2016 23:29 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16165

You deserved it

1164

Favorite

By TheHam - 5/9/2019 18:00 - Sweden

Restrictions

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1327

You deserved it

580

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11817

You deserved it

37650

Favorite

By a person - 5/3/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42577

You deserved it

12771

Favorite

By Myriam - 18/6/2012 16:05 - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25754

You deserved it

3389

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By powersticks | 16

#736029 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

Even though that's totally fucked up you have to admit that he has an awesome grandma.

By RuralNinja | 0

#736026 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

YDI for drinking with your grandma.

COMMENTS

By Maxine17 | 8

#736019 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:02

..Yum?

Ajjas013 | 6

#736130 - Friday 25 December 2009 17:42

Talk about distraction...

liveBabylon | 0

#736205 - Friday 25 December 2009 19:38

ROFL....
Thanks for not saying 1st :) Your are the best!!!!
+My name is Maxine :) nice to meet u

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#736344 - Friday 25 December 2009 21:33

Wow. Most favorite FML ever.

textasy2000 | 0

#738363 - Sunday 27 December 2010 5:05

LMAO that is freaking awesome...note to self burn eyes out lol fyl ydi for introducing it...sounds like a fun family though

rwac07 | 0

#975144 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 14:29

#20 is attempting to pick up?

FYL OP, you'll be scarred with visions of those wrinkled sandbags for the rest of your life.

Jordna | 0

#1057392 - Saturday 3 July 2010 10:18

I don't care what anyone else says. that family is AWESOME!!!

mind_geek | 15

#2398993 - Sunday 24 April 2011 19:01

wrinkled sandbags...*shudders*

pedosmurf | 7

#4028525 - Monday 13 February 2012 6:17

I bet he liked it

By RuralNinja | 0

#736026 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

YDI for drinking with your grandma.

LovelyTokyo | 0

#1740441 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 16:36

Yu'r family sounds awesome!

By Butcher_1419 | 0

#736027 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

*vomit puddle*

By powersticks | 16

#736029 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

Even though that's totally fucked up you have to admit that he has an awesome grandma.

karo_mit_k | 11

#736036 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:09

I agree.

DisappearingRose | 18

#2514846 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:56

Amen.

By Muffinish | 0

#736032 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:08

Please tell me you flashed her back.

Mylees | 0

#1425538 - Sunday 19 September 2010 6:26

omg love it

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#736035 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:09

GRAB THEM SADDLEBAGS AND RIDE HER ALLLLLL NIGGGHHHHHHHTTTTT LOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG

FNovus | 0

#736121 - Friday 25 December 2009 17:26

Puscifer FTW

By trackstar12 | 0

#736039 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:12

Come on. You never play beer pong with your family. FYL for gettin grandma drunk

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#736040 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:13

Pics or it didnt happen!
Your granny sure wants to win! introduce them to strip poker next...

Dylan94_fml | 8

#953525 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 12:49

yes, the first thing that came into his head after being flashed by his grandmother was to take a picture ...

By SimplySweetness | 0

#736049 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:23

oh, yuck!

By noobcaek | 2

#736061 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:31

LOL
Heres one thing;
YDI for introducing it to them.
YDI for not giving them a rule of nonos to flashing

esines | 9

#4413378 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 23:10

You mean two things?