Miscellaneous: Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked...

By ScarredForLife - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Weird kid

Medicare for all, please

By juvenile friends suck - Germany - Tangstedt

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

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By CharlieKearney - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

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By shampoogirl - United States

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

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By englishclasshigh - United States

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

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By gassy

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

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By thatwasmiz - United States

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

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By Anonymous

Seems fair

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

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By rejectedmidair - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

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By psychortiz - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

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By Anonymous

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

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By fishyrael

The Rainbow Bridge

Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

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By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver

Hummmmmmmmm

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

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By rejected - United States

Smoke signals

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

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By overpriced coffee shop worker - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

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By Pain_intolerant - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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28387

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By NoMoney4Me - United States - York

Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML

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26686

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By Stickerless - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42cent postage so now I have to pay $250.00 because my mother is cheap. FML

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By gregm97 - 6/6/2020 05:03

Motel 6 to 9

Today, after my family and I returned to our motel after a long day trip, we saw that the room was made. As we were getting ready to sleep, I pulled my sheets back to find a large piece of crap smeared all over the bed. When we told the front desk about this, they told us to "fuck off." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML

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By ruined

Cooked it up

Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML

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By S. Fancyson - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

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By holladaddy - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

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By BaconBreathBlonde - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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By ouch - Australia - Collaroy

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

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By boredatwork - Canada

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

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By none - United States

Who said life was better before ?

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1 p.m., smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4 a.m., jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

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By Good Luck Chuck - United States - Orlando

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

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By OG Pinecone - United States - Englewood

Today, I was hanging with friends up at my best friend's cabin. We were in his hot tub cracking jokes when he told one that sent me into a fit of hysterics. He tried to shut me up by splashing water on me. It worked, because when I jerked my head to the side, I dislocated a rib. FML

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1559

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

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31028

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By Anonymous - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

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54686

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

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34235

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By piece of shed - United States

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

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37142

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By Catremorse - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

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1292

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By - France

Today, I am spending new year absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with alcohol and strangers. Somehow, I still love her. FML

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By Datingdisaster

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

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By deez_nutz - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

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By WTF - United States

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

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Top comments

By powersticks | 16

#736029 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

Even though that's totally fucked up you have to admit that he has an awesome grandma.

By RuralNinja | 0

#736026 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

YDI for drinking with your grandma.

COMMENTS

By Maxine17 | 8

#736019 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:02

..Yum?

Ajjas013 | 6

#736130 - Friday 25 December 2009 17:42

Talk about distraction...

liveBabylon | 0

#736205 - Friday 25 December 2009 19:38

ROFL....
Thanks for not saying 1st :) Your are the best!!!!
+My name is Maxine :) nice to meet u

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#736344 - Friday 25 December 2009 21:33

Wow. Most favorite FML ever.

textasy2000 | 0

#738363 - Sunday 27 December 2009 5:05

LMAO that is freaking awesome...note to self burn eyes out lol fyl ydi for introducing it...sounds like a fun family though

rwac07 | 0

#975144 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 14:29

#20 is attempting to pick up?

FYL OP, you'll be scarred with visions of those wrinkled sandbags for the rest of your life.

Jordna | 0

#1057392 - Saturday 3 July 2010 10:18

I don't care what anyone else says. that family is AWESOME!!!

mind_geek | 15

#2398993 - Sunday 24 April 2011 19:01

wrinkled sandbags...*shudders*

pedosmurf | 7

#4028525 - Monday 13 February 2012 6:17

I bet he liked it

By RuralNinja | 0

#736026 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

YDI for drinking with your grandma.

LovelyTokyo | 0

#1740441 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 16:36

Yu'r family sounds awesome!

By Butcher_1419 | 0

#736027 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

*vomit puddle*

By powersticks | 16

#736029 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:06

Even though that's totally fucked up you have to admit that he has an awesome grandma.

karo_mit_k | 11

#736036 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:09

I agree.

DisappearingRose | 18

#2514846 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:56

Amen.

By Muffinish | 0

#736032 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:08

Please tell me you flashed her back.

Mylees | 0

#1425538 - Sunday 19 September 2010 6:26

omg love it

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#736035 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:09

GRAB THEM SADDLEBAGS AND RIDE HER ALLLLLL NIGGGHHHHHHHTTTTT LOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG

FNovus | 0

#736121 - Friday 25 December 2009 17:26

Puscifer FTW

By trackstar12 | 0

#736039 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:12

Come on. You never play beer pong with your family. FYL for gettin grandma drunk

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#736040 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:13

Pics or it didnt happen!
Your granny sure wants to win! introduce them to strip poker next...

Dylan94_fml | 8

#953525 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 12:49

yes, the first thing that came into his head after being flashed by his grandmother was to take a picture ...

By SimplySweetness | 0

#736049 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:23

oh, yuck!

By noobcaek | 2

#736061 - Friday 25 December 2009 16:31

LOL
Heres one thing;
YDI for introducing it to them.
YDI for not giving them a rule of nonos to flashing

esines | 9

#4413378 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 23:10

You mean two things?