Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Countdown

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 524

You deserved it 15 575

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Shopping stories where discounts aren't the only surprises! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 047

You deserved it 10 586

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 075

You deserved it 2 890

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 311

You deserved it 13 178

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 16:00

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 397

Escape route

By crap - 26/03/2009 08:37 - Thailand

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 708

You deserved it 17 906

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 465

You deserved it 8 076

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 277

You deserved it 3 818

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 266

You deserved it 11 965

Stop begging

By cuckolddreams - 21/01/2015 19:06 - United States - Broken Bow

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 288

You deserved it 11 750

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 096

You deserved it 6 385

nibawan 0

Thursday 28 October 2010 16:08

maybe she was checking to see if you passed the one minute mark yet

drakem 7

Thursday 28 October 2010 16:07

Be faster :D

Comments

killjunkies 0

Saturday 13 November 2010 3:21

Wow it totally looks like she is waiting on another lover to show

LA_Barbie 11

Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:23

hahaha FYL I did that to my ex cuz I was bored lol! not sure if he noticed

ptrckb14 0

Wednesday 13 April 2011 20:06

call her a ****

tweiler 15

Sunday 25 December 2011 18:50

Sounds like it was enough already and she just wanted to get some sleep.

9R1NC3S5 0

Friday 6 January 2012 13:08

No. That blows!

ifinsane 6

Tuesday 24 January 2012 4:16

She was lookin at her watch, doesnt matter had sex.

GokinYagami 1

Tuesday 13 March 2012 5:36

"She kept looking at her watch" "Doesn't matter, had sex!"

beautiful_lover 0

Sunday 8 April 2012 4:16

Haha that sucks maybe u should do it harder

COolErKiD1414 0

Monday 16 April 2012 6:27

Doesn't matter had sex!

Kathts7 12

Saturday 28 July 2012 8:59

You guys are so sweet when you want to make sure that we come first.. But it really can take too long even though it's good..

Keywords

Weird Underwear Miscellaneous Clothes Cute Halloween Animals Dogs Fire Awkward First Dates Smells Love Work Scary Phobias Shopping Kids Embarrassing Mental health Therapy Health Friends Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Customers Thief Argument

The Top

Today, I’m an adult and my mother lives with me, not me with her. She found out I was going to be gone for 9 days on vacation and that she couldn’t come, so she had a “mental break down” and checked herself into a psych ward. Last year, she did the same thing when I graduated college and celebrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 102

Today, my boyfriend has been super nice to me all day and I was enjoying the attention. At bedtime, he asked me if I was happy, I said yes, he asked if was I happy enough to try butt stuff. I said no, like I do every time he asks for butt stuff. He turned over and went to sleep. So much for being nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 581

The Top

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 530

You deserved it 4 239

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee." I'm the only woman working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 114

You deserved it 2 779

Today, I found out that I have a bacteria causing me to smell bad. For the last three years, strangers would say that I stink, I thought it was because I'm a smoker and they could smell cigarettes from my clothes, only to find out that people could smell my vagina through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 284

Today, I posted a review, on a strictly anonymous site, about a doctor I went to see for my anxiety but who actually made me worse. A while later, the same doctor called my home phone, addressed me by my full name and threatened to sue me for slander if I didn't take down the review. All of which was 100% true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 592

You deserved it 194

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 181

You deserved it 4 069

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 363

You deserved it 334