By Bleached_Eyes - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7445

635

Late term

Bad news

Father material

By Anonymous

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1636

You deserved it

3179

Favorite

By nerdsgetmehot - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55681

You deserved it

5838

Favorite

By crossl17

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1100

You deserved it

4529

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23005

You deserved it

1579

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I felt so lonely that when I was watching a ghost show, I wished my house was haunted so at least some sort of presence was with me, even if it was in another dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

243

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58758

You deserved it

4886

Favorite

By Moe - United States

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30049

You deserved it

7617

Favorite

By imscrewed - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15185

You deserved it

85767

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51638

You deserved it

14032

Favorite

By ohtheirony

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2503

You deserved it

569

Favorite

By FML - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24848

You deserved it

1441

Favorite

By Pavlov Dog

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4492

You deserved it

1519

Favorite

By EnglandRocks - Switzerland - Bern

Today, it is the one-year anniversary of my mother's death. It's also the day my father chose to announce his engagement to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40196

You deserved it

2740

Favorite

By utensils123 - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33245

You deserved it

2284

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5399

You deserved it

417

Favorite

By fatty - United States - West Chester

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34191

You deserved it

5207

Favorite

By future brain bleach addict - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76853

You deserved it

8529

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Middletown

Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17743

You deserved it

4968

Favorite

By soccerscout7

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49679

You deserved it

3144

Favorite

By ICanExplain - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32954

You deserved it

1546

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20883

You deserved it

62184

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42798

You deserved it

3160

Favorite

By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10836

You deserved it

1133

Favorite

By knee2tak - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73706

You deserved it

11119

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Sounds healthy

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1627

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By KimberleyIrene - Canada

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a job I interviewed for. The guy called me and told me I got it. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" He responded with "You're welcome Emily". My name isn't Emily, it's Kim. He got the numbers mixed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48482

You deserved it

2512

Favorite

By Simms - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22437

You deserved it

6437

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58182

You deserved it

5405

Favorite

By failure - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36745

You deserved it

15682

Favorite

By Poorman - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30204

You deserved it

4267

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10827

You deserved it

32006

Favorite

By feeling single - United States - Burbank

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23348

You deserved it

5104

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43845

You deserved it

3952

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gaffney

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43713

You deserved it

4484

Favorite

By shadybarbie

My Love Life in a Nutshell

Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3434

You deserved it

842

Favorite

By MyS3lf - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32018

You deserved it

3303

Favorite

By Autumn

TMI

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5173

You deserved it

399

Favorite

By twowords - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18841

You deserved it

59516

Favorite

By jesus christ - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks

35257

You deserved it

3423

Favorite

By Emily J. - United States

Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17427

You deserved it

38596

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By AstroTurfMatador | 11

#7618028 - Monday 2 April 2018 7:16

This really doesn't make sense. By the sounds of things, this took place at your girlfriend's family's house. Seeing as how this was the first time you met them, why were you the one sent to get her brother?

By interesting33 | 36

#7615506 - Sunday 25 March 2018 19:21

I don't know for sure but it sounds like you walked in without knocking or waiting for an answer. If that's the case then YDI

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7615506 - Sunday 25 March 2018 19:21

I don't know for sure but it sounds like you walked in without knocking or waiting for an answer. If that's the case then YDI

By Sinshine | 27

#7618019 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:07

You don't just walk in on people. Show some respect for people's privacy!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7618020 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:09

Looks like they could’ve skipped the tossed salad course.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7618023 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:20

I just want to know what happened next. Did you tell anyone? Did her brother say anything to you? Was his cousin a female? I need to know

RichardPencil | 29

#7618027 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:56

Would that have made it better if the ass-licker was female? How?

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7618024 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:20

I guess he'd rather have what they had last night.

By thelittlem | 15

#7618025 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:22

incest is wincest!

By AstroTurfMatador | 11

#7618028 - Monday 2 April 2018 7:16

izzajaneful | 24

#7618193 - Monday 2 April 2018 20:16

Sounds like they are all making an effort to get him involved in the family. I don’t think it’s that strange. What’s strange is that either the door was open or he walked in without knocking.