By Bleached_Eyes - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

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7463

638

This Charming Man

Season finale

Taking stock

By MemoKrosav - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

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By bdayloser - Canada

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

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34585

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3824

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By hell - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

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27799

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1762

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By Maryanne Swain

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

218

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By Holls - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML

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27767

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14110

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By Glutton - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

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6228

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By WTF - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

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34327

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By gumbymn - 17/3/2021 00:30

Wakey wakey

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

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677

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325

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By Butterfly - France

Today, I warned my boss that I couldn't take part in a very important meeting I've been working on for 6 months (my son is ill). "Never mind" he said, "We'll just put a pot plant on your seat". FML

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27788

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By Anonymous

What's your emergency?

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

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1708

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272

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By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

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151

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By Anonymous - United States

Doggy dog world

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

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20134

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By saywhat - United States - Yakima

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

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76131

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By .... - United States - Geneva

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

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38454

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3386

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By parkinglotslayer - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

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9987

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47626

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By jobless - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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34608

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1975

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By failfailfail - United Kingdom

Leave me alone !

Today, I had a big exam. Twenty minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled, "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

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10993

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

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42387

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7287

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By rice_cake - Australia

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

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59093

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By Sam

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

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4133

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1217

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By Anonymous - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

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4965

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By thermos - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

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19111

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By sexisdead

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

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16912

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By itsjustemcee - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

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23489

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By sy123 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

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35351

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By Anonymous - United States - Surprise

Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

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26682

You deserved it

1887

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML

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8163

You deserved it

1189

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By my dumb bro - United States - Gillham

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

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55310

You deserved it

8746

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By wow - United States

Today, my virgin girlfriend who wanted to lose her virginity to me got on Google, and quizzed me on how to properly put on a condom. She doesn't trust me. FML

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30031

You deserved it

8841

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Glittery letters

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

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2100

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415

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By grounded - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

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19225

You deserved it

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By idk - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

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25913

You deserved it

2774

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By srhoa01

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

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16203

You deserved it

1574

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By Terrible Boss - United States

Stability

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

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371

You deserved it

6241

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By daisythebunny1988

Confinement is rough

Today, my mother is snoring so loud that I can still hear her with the door shut and with earplugs in. So much for sleep. FML

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1376

You deserved it

124

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By Lonely - New Zealand

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

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32027

You deserved it

5658

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By fridgemylifee - United States

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

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25390

You deserved it

2976

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By EvictingItSoon

The miracle of barf

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1635

You deserved it

643

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By Anonymous - United States - Duarte

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32207

You deserved it

4848

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By hendrix1 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML

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36523

You deserved it

4500

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Top comments

By AstroTurfMatador | 11

#7618028 - Monday 2 April 2018 7:16

This really doesn't make sense. By the sounds of things, this took place at your girlfriend's family's house. Seeing as how this was the first time you met them, why were you the one sent to get her brother?

By interesting33 | 36

#7615506 - Sunday 25 March 2018 19:21

I don't know for sure but it sounds like you walked in without knocking or waiting for an answer. If that's the case then YDI

COMMENTS

By interesting33 | 36

#7615506 - Sunday 25 March 2018 19:21

I don't know for sure but it sounds like you walked in without knocking or waiting for an answer. If that's the case then YDI

By Sinshine | 27

#7618019 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:07

You don't just walk in on people. Show some respect for people's privacy!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7618020 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:09

Looks like they could’ve skipped the tossed salad course.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7618023 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:20

I just want to know what happened next. Did you tell anyone? Did her brother say anything to you? Was his cousin a female? I need to know

RichardPencil | 30

#7618027 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:56

Would that have made it better if the ass-licker was female? How?

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7618024 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:20

I guess he'd rather have what they had last night.

By thelittlem | 15

#7618025 - Monday 2 April 2018 6:22

incest is wincest!

By AstroTurfMatador | 11

#7618028 - Monday 2 April 2018 7:16

izzajaneful | 24

#7618193 - Monday 2 April 2018 20:16

Sounds like they are all making an effort to get him involved in the family. I don’t think it’s that strange. What’s strange is that either the door was open or he walked in without knocking.