Intimacy: Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

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Intimacy

BO Central

Season finale

Serious times

By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

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By Lapis - United States

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

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By Peachtree

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

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By too dumb for sex

Today we tried to have sex for the first time but I got so excited my blood pressure shot up and I got a nosebleed that didn't fully stop for nearly 30 minutes. Then when we tried again she accidentally headbutted me. The new bleeding still hasn't stopped and I'm feeling very lightheaded. FML

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By ChestExploding - United States - Greensboro

Today, I tripped and fell, damaging my sternum and making it incredibly painful to breathe in or out too much. About ten minutes later, I got the hiccups. FML

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By skmusic - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

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By great - United States

Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

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By Insomniac

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

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By annoyed - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one was stolen. It took the bank six weeks and five separate orders to figure it out, on top of which they've charged me a rush fee. FML

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By Anonymous

Bad liar

Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML

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By notexactly - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML

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By wakinginvegas87 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, my girlfriend was suspended from work after she was caught fucking one of her co-workers. FML

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By joanikens - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

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By Sunshinenwhiskey - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

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By imok - United States

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

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By EvilMother - United States - Hinsdale

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML

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By naps aren't what they used to be - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

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43010

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By loveinanelevator

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

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By rhya4n - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

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By why they bomb - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

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By dj163 - Australia

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

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By badass - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

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By disturbed2103 - United States

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

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By Egtat216 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my boss bitched me out on the sales floor for a good 10 minutes, because I wasn't "smiling the right way" for our customers. FML

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By JeezyCherieze - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

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By Mrs.Slyfox - Canada

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

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By myheart75 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

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By ihatespiders - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

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By fucking Karens! - 11/8/2020 14:02

Karen strikes again

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

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By Thanks dicks

Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML

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By dyingtinkerbell - Australia

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

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By StupidBerk - United Kingdom

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

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By mrdave - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

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By lolatmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

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Top comments

By littlegolferboy | 4

#597990 - Thursday 1 October 2009 20:27

On their bed? Wow, at least they know you're classy...

By kimcachu | 0

#598022 - Thursday 1 October 2009 20:51

you couldn't have sex with her in HER bed?

COMMENTS

By Ilovelife07 | 0

#597903 - Thursday 1 October 2009 19:29

win

wintamint101 | 7

#1014502 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 3:48

how come no one makes sure they know who's bed they're getting it on in? and ydi for not checking to see if they were home

todo350 | 0

#1033962 - Thursday 17 June 2010 19:24

no one noticed op is a girl? this fml is HOT. if i were dad id join in

Miss_Represented | 0

#1174689 - Monday 2 August 2010 5:39

WTF... sex in the rents bed?! YDI, that's gross, that's where her parents do the deed!

hahafylop | 4

#1226458 - Thursday 12 August 2010 5:55

lesbo.

Herropreez17 | 0

#2687514 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 18:29

Lol OP is a lesbian. Double kick in the ass for parents...

By lovin_bigsister | 0

#597909 - Thursday 1 October 2009 19:32

maybe u shouldve met them before you ficked their daughter

By anniemarie | 0

#597913 - Thursday 1 October 2009 19:33

lolll

By tacoman | 1

#597923 - Thursday 1 October 2009 19:43

well at least they know you will keep her satisfied

BamBAmGG | 14

#6562999 - Sunday 20 March 2016 6:44

And at least OP made a lasting first impression! Way to get'em tiger!

By musiclife_fml | 0

#597930 - Thursday 1 October 2009 19:48

2nd?

harrypotter955 | 19

#5318381 - Friday 11 January 2013 1:54

No. 6th

By Jarlais | 0

#597953 - Thursday 1 October 2009 19:59

at least you got laid...

youaresofucked | 0

#599325 - Friday 2 October 2009 12:08

loser....

what_the_fail | 0

#825690 - Friday 5 February 2010 0:25

#7 i know right? no fml here

alissa412 | 33

#6262227 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 5:35

Doesn't matter, had sex

By littlegolferboy | 4

#597990 - Thursday 1 October 2009 20:27

On their bed? Wow, at least they know you're classy...

By FYLbutYDI | 0

#598002 - Thursday 1 October 2009 20:36

Nice...

By DynamicDave | 11

#598006 - Thursday 1 October 2009 20:38

YDI for being on their bed and also for having premarital sex.

jannie22 | 0

#2376163 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 5:57

there's nothing wrong with the premarital

Herropreez17 | 0

#2687540 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 18:31

They do deserve it for not being careful but pre marital sex you are pissed at? And on an FML thing??? Fuck off damn bible humper.

By Wankster | 0

#598010 - Thursday 1 October 2009 20:38

Dude that's wrong. Now they are really going to hate you. YDI