Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, while I was at a restaurant, my drink had a straw that made a very obnoxious sound whenever I drank from it. Everyone near me was giving disapproving looks. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but they weren't buying it. Even after I got a new straw that didn't make an annoying sound, they still didn't believe me. FML
Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Melix 31
.....Did it work?
BassTurdo 22
I find that seductive
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (91)
UnluckyIrishKid 9
I mean, it could've been worse? You could've dumped the drink all over you. Though depending on the color of your shirt, that could've been more seductive.
thatssomia 12
but you can still see if there's a straw through the corner if ur eye
Lebeaugars95 20
LMAOO
BassTurdo 22
I find that seductive
DippinGrizzly907 27
That's probably the most seductive thing I've ever heard a woman doing. Hubba hubba!
Nevermind212 11
Just imagining that.. is incredibly hilarious
zandalee 20
Am I missing something here? I was picturing a man not a woman. A man with an incredibly long very pink tongue...
yerawizardlizzy 27
FML says OP is female.
B1ackthesun 31
#51 You're missing the fact op is female. I pictured a man too at first but the gender icon shows op as a female.
JD1147 27
Someone should let OP know she talks like a bloke.
Melix 31
.....Did it work?
OctoDope 15
If that was a guy who did that, charges would be flying left, right, and centre.
jet_life 3
not even gonna lie, if my date did that I would have thought it was cute. hilarious but cute.
MisterDoge 14
Man I've done that before and the looks I've gotten kill me inside ...
ZY1431 24
its the new mating ritual
beaverteaser 16
why does the m&m commercial come to mind with the song hungry eyes
NotGabe 28
Some people find that attractive.
not_happening 11
But did your seducing work?
jpsullivan 36
I bet you looked exstrawdinary
illmatic2 16
Or it just sucked
Meraki 19
I think you meant 'cunnilinguist.'
EpicSquishii 21
Why would they mean that? That's not the joke.