Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I went on my first date in months. It was going well until the waiter brought our drinks. I went to take a sip of my cocktail, but I misjudged the size of the glass and the stupid paper straw, and spilled it all over myself. The waiter said, “Well, at least it’s not a first date curse,” and I replied, “Oh, it definitely is.” It was, because I doubt I'll be seeing her again. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, while I was at a restaurant, my drink had a straw that made a very obnoxious sound whenever I drank from it. Everyone near me was giving disapproving looks. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but they weren't buying it. Even after I got a new straw that didn't make an annoying sound, they still didn't believe me. FML
Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. Everything was going great until I laughed so hard at one of his jokes that I snorted, choked on my drink, and accidentally slapped his face while trying to cover my mouth. We didn't order dessert. FML
Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
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Top comments
Melix 31
.....Did it work?
BassTurdo 22
I find that seductive
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Comments (91)
Tannasgh 22
Smooooth...
mkayden 23
So.. Did it work?
bell_pinkk 8
the opposite has happened to me where I completely forget there's a straw and end up poking my self in the eye
transcedental 18
OP, you made my day. And not only mine, I can see a lot of people laughing in the comments. Your FML's publication should win a badge/medal, or something. :D I hope you guys laughed it off as well ^^
iowacountrygirl 9
Hahaha!! That just pretty much made my day
alex_jaguara 33
Hehe, you've had quite a blond moment there.
brandishmandii 2
This cracked me up idk why but I was laughing like crazy lol!!!
JimmyHasNoHands 7
if he was a smart date he would've just done the same thing back to you to make it less awkward. and maybe given it some more tongue action for the frisky ladies
katie55220 14
He probably thought it was cute
Nasher86 8
As soon as I started picturing this in my head I couldn't help but laugh