Love: Check this out

Check this out

By cunning glassist - 08/03/2014 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 153

You deserved it 10 922

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 251

Troublemaker

By Straw man - 31/10/2022 06:00

Today, while I was at a restaurant, my drink had a straw that made a very obnoxious sound whenever I drank from it. Everyone near me was giving disapproving looks. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but they weren't buying it. Even after I got a new straw that didn't make an annoying sound, they still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 162

Impressive!

By ol faithful - 03/09/2011 09:24 - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 41 891

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 251

You deserved it 46 552

Cool moves

By littlegirl - 07/05/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 581

You deserved it 45 351

By yum - 07/07/2013 05:09 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 297

You deserved it 4 330

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 17/05/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 170

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 244

You deserved it 45 072

By Slayer - 09/10/2011 23:28 - Canada

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 577

You deserved it 35 704

Interruption

By Freddie06 - 18/10/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 127

Melix 31

Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

.....Did it work?

BassTurdo 22

Sunday 9 March 2014 2:49

I find that seductive

Comments

SunTzu2 9

Sunday 9 March 2014 2:57

Mmmmm Cunning.....

Black_Knight80 13

Sunday 9 March 2014 2:59

Did it work? cause I might try it lol

kilullu 16

Sunday 9 March 2014 5:32

Haha

CanyonRose 16

Sunday 9 March 2014 2:59

What did they say in response?

the_zero_article 15

Sunday 9 March 2014 3:25

"Hawt."

EpicSquishii 21

Sunday 9 March 2014 3:03

I do that a lot when speaking with people if I'm holding a cup or bottle with a straw in it. I often miss the straw completely for a few seconds. People usually just giggle and call me a spaz or a dumbass. Pretty sure your date would also have simply laughed at you and forgotten about it if you'd joked about it with them :-)

buttcramp 21

Sunday 9 March 2014 5:20

yeah, I feel like we have all done this before. On a date though, I can see how that'd be embarrassing. OP, this needs a follow up. I wanna know if the date went well from here or how bad it ended up getting.

OptimusVader 23

Sunday 9 March 2014 6:07

Still not as bad as missing the straw and having it get stuck in your nose.

OhWhoCares 42

Sunday 9 March 2014 7:55

Still could be worse, as the impact of the straw in your nose may shock you into launching an accidental snot rocket in an attempt to get rid of the invading straw...

Schizomaniac 24

Sunday 9 March 2014 12:52

Alright take it easy pal.

Karenezzy 20

Sunday 9 March 2014 3:03

I don't think that's creepy at all!

Fatwahhh 10

Sunday 9 March 2014 3:04

Okay honestly, at one point, you should've at least looked down to find it. You shouldn't have to keep wiggling your tongue to find it; just look down. Your date won't be offended if you take your eyes off him for a second.

kevnotmyday645 7

Sunday 9 March 2014 3:33

your date was probably like " ohh man, that was quick didn't even have to work for it"

Earths_Venus 25

Sunday 9 March 2014 3:53

My date did that to me once, we ended up turning it into a joke and went on 3 more dates before he told me he had herpes :(

ksks1234 33

Sunday 9 March 2014 4:07

Wow! That took an unexpected turn!

swick25 22

Sunday 9 March 2014 4:27

@20. ya and? use protection or do not have sex when he has or even thinks he is getting an outbreak. at least he was honest with you about it, unlike most people who have it and do not tell their partners.

dabomb0513 10

Sunday 9 March 2014 5:21

At least he told you.

buttcramp 21

Sunday 9 March 2014 5:22

you can still get it between outbreaks!

cryssycakesx3 22

Sunday 9 March 2014 6:24

yes, #38 so sick of people thinking you can't get it without an outbreak. if that were the case, why would people have sex with each other with sores on their units?