Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation,...

By chuchundra - 8/3/2014 20:06 - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43598

You deserved it

7911

Favorite

Animals

Freak out

Yappy neighborhood

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 17/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Sainte Genevieve

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9152

You deserved it

623

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 20:00

Secret life

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By sammyxoxo - 18/12/2011 08:32 - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36651

You deserved it

2754

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3647

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By kittens go meow - 15/2/2012 00:35 - United States

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33700

You deserved it

3515

Favorite

By its_all_legit - 19/3/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18423

You deserved it

127467

Favorite

By stupidboss - 31/3/2016 03:23 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20412

You deserved it

1115

Favorite

By spiderchick23 - 10/2/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28401

You deserved it

2825

Favorite

By ouchbrow - 10/8/2013 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46733

You deserved it

14693

Favorite

By Welp - 3/7/2016 12:39 - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14185

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1088

Favorite

By jalisc512 - 21/8/2014 20:16 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42317

You deserved it

5476

Favorite

By spitstopper - 7/8/2014 02:22 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43473

You deserved it

3073

Favorite

By Ouch - 22/5/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45319

You deserved it

13201

Favorite

By badjob - 12/9/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36137

You deserved it

3056

Favorite

By Marty - 10/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took 3 hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4050

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By mamagelmane - 8/8/2014 04:27 - France - Vervezelle

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47766

You deserved it

4046

Favorite

By tommy - 20/12/2011 22:41 - United States

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35769

You deserved it

5543

Favorite

By Cerezo - 22/11/2009 15:39 - Guatemala

Today, as I woke up early to do my physics homework, I heard my parents talk about how big a disappointment I am for them. They discussed how stupid, immature and how big a burden I was. They knew I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39823

You deserved it

4544

Favorite

By Jordid - 19/8/2010 04:12 - United States

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62543

You deserved it

4179

Favorite

By dumbass - 12/1/2017 09:37

Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4575

You deserved it

2227

Favorite

By Smooth - 11/4/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16325

You deserved it

112029

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/2/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42619

You deserved it

4848

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 08:08 - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38155

You deserved it

3761

Favorite

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/8/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17435

You deserved it

1871

Favorite

By anon - 16/1/2016 23:15 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13700

You deserved it

20971

Favorite

By Burning Love - 15/3/2014 07:35 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45995

You deserved it

5327

Favorite

By jgboy - 14/9/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48033

You deserved it

9453

Favorite

By LadyJane - 13/1/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5755

You deserved it

2483

Favorite

By MacBook - 14/5/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, my dad was in town for 1 day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dads slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85701

You deserved it

4154

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49921

You deserved it

3724

Favorite

By TJFuentes - 11/2/2015 13:39 - United States - Appleton

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38193

You deserved it

3656

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

74854

You deserved it

8392

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26165

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/2/2016 17:04 - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21822

You deserved it

1705

Favorite

By rj93 - 5/11/2011 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44280

You deserved it

5825

Favorite

By therundown - 20/7/2011 13:38 - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49453

You deserved it

3962

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28339

You deserved it

5804

Favorite

By hkkilla - 16/3/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26739

You deserved it

10493

Favorite

By Sorry - 2/10/2014 23:51 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38159

You deserved it

3242

Favorite

By snotface - 23/4/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76256

You deserved it

8788

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By julian0605 | 9

#5879757 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

I thinks its normal my dog loves other people when their at my house but when they leave he loves me again. Dogs use us

By BassTurdo | 22

#5879758 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

Puppy love

COMMENTS

By julian0605 | 9

#5879757 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

I thinks its normal my dog loves other people when their at my house but when they leave he loves me again. Dogs use us

IAmNotAnAnimal | 9

#5879815 - Sunday 9 March 2014 3:17

Maybe the dog is whining out of joy because he's so happy to see you, he's just overwhelmed with happiness.

warsun | 27

#5879894 - Sunday 9 March 2014 5:18

Have you ever heard a puppy whine? It's the most depressing thing ever D:

buttcramp | 21

#5879903 - Sunday 9 March 2014 5:24

be happy your pup made a friend! try to engage your dog with play or treats and maybe the pup will come around!

GraceyBlueEyes | 13

#5880092 - Sunday 9 March 2014 12:06

perhaps you shouldn't get a puppy right before your holiday.

Alm1ghty_Push | 15

#6499308 - Saturday 2 January 2016 6:58

They're*

By BassTurdo | 22

#5879758 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

Puppy love

DippinGrizzly907 | 27

#5879851 - Sunday 9 March 2014 4:07

"Puppy love"
Reminds me of high school haha

By ZY1431 | 24

#5879768 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:52

give the puppy some time. im sure things will be fine

DippinGrizzly907 | 27

#5879852 - Sunday 9 March 2014 4:08

Serious relationship advice regarding the love of your puppy haha

By not_happening | 11

#5879770 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:52

Time to break out the dog treats!

By beaverteaser | 16

#5879779 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:55

well atleast it was just the dog and not your kid

AnOriginalName | 19

#5880006 - Sunday 9 March 2014 8:29

53,itsprettyeasytoaccidentalkyskipthespacebarwhiletypingquickly.

Nilorak | 24

#5880019 - Sunday 9 March 2014 8:46

Calmdown.

Douchbag_fml | 4

#5880020 - Sunday 9 March 2014 8:46

Well none of your business dude. You don't own FML. They have the rights to type what they want. Not for you to control dude.

beaverteaser | 16

#5880230 - Sunday 9 March 2014 17:02

sorry sir i will make sure i check my spelling every time I see the grammar nazi on duty

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#5879781 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:55

Some dogs seem to go crazy over visitors. Just give it some time and your puppy will be all good.

By cleary30 | 13

#5879782 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:56

Dogs just love people. Maybe he played with the dog more than you do?

By thefmlcounter | 1

#5879784 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:56

Don't sweat it. Just work on getting the puppy to love you more again by constally being with him or her

RenoTheRhino | 30

#5879794 - Sunday 9 March 2014 3:00

*constantly. Sorry, I had to.

By RenoTheRhino | 30

#5879785 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:57

Give your puppy some treats and cuddle! Hopefully, he'll warm back up to you.

By lotr4 | 18

#5879787 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:58

It's like that sponge bob episode where Gary likes Patrick more, but it was only for the cookie :)

hellnosucka | 27

#5879969 - Sunday 9 March 2014 6:58

yes. maybe OP should check their friends pockets for cookies.