Animals: Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation,...

By chuchundra - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

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Animals

Proactive

TMI

This is fine

By ratherbealone - 27/10/2020 02:06 - United States - Phoenix

Life's what you make it

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

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1100

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 23:01

They're everywhere

Today, I started a new job. I was in a meeting, all day, training under a guy. This was the same middle-class-gravyboat guy who has no idea what he's doing, attributes things to false-positive root causes, and is defensive whenever someone knows more than him. I left my last job because of this type of guy. FML

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1112

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By Snufflopagus - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

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52282

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By Cindy - United States

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

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143646

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By JessThompson - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

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24877

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By Fox_Undercover - United States - Wareham

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

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17340

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2938

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

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By wolfwhowanders - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML

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9346

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By jack

Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML

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1827

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By Moose - Poland

Today, my boss signed and sent me back my timesheet. He named the PDF file "Timeshit". Now I don't know whether he's terrible at spelling, or just expressed his view of my job. FML

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13648

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

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By MrG - United States

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML

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33781

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

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27042

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2485

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By policeopenup - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

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54211

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By Jake - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

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39432

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By ohno - United States

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip. FML

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28297

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By Trey Deluna - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

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33397

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By Anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

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29786

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By jasmith - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

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26934

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By Really? - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

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46745

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By froyo - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

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107437

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 14:01

Walking Dead

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

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1407

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By stupidboss - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

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20434

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By RyoKioKio

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2737

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By amanda - United States - Lafayette

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

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74781

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By :/ - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

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30376

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By dumb dumb dumb - 20/10/2020 11:04 - United States

Not a good look

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

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1088

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158

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By notgettingany - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

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43623

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By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

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33795

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By ForgottenAgain - United States

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

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By all by myself - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27562

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

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29439

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By pissypants

Maybe he's into that...

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

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2071

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By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

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42052

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML

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41749

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By Sarah - United States

Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML

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31767

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By lucywatson - United Kingdom

Today, working as a veterinarian, I received a complaint from a client. He said I sucked at my job, purely because I implied he should have brought his severely ill cat in a lot sooner. Which he should have. FML

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14241

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22909

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By LoveMeMother

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

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Top comments

By julian0605 | 9

#5879757 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

I thinks its normal my dog loves other people when their at my house but when they leave he loves me again. Dogs use us

By BassTurdo | 22

#5879758 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

Puppy love

COMMENTS

By julian0605 | 9

#5879757 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

I thinks its normal my dog loves other people when their at my house but when they leave he loves me again. Dogs use us

IAmNotAnAnimal | 9

#5879815 - Sunday 9 March 2014 3:17

Maybe the dog is whining out of joy because he's so happy to see you, he's just overwhelmed with happiness.

warsun | 27

#5879894 - Sunday 9 March 2014 5:18

Have you ever heard a puppy whine? It's the most depressing thing ever D:

buttcramp | 21

#5879903 - Sunday 9 March 2014 5:24

be happy your pup made a friend! try to engage your dog with play or treats and maybe the pup will come around!

GraceyBlueEyes | 13

#5880092 - Sunday 9 March 2014 12:06

perhaps you shouldn't get a puppy right before your holiday.

Alm1ghty_Push | 15

#6499308 - Saturday 2 January 2016 6:58

They're*

By BassTurdo | 22

#5879758 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:50

Puppy love

DippinGrizzly907 | 27

#5879851 - Sunday 9 March 2014 4:07

"Puppy love"
Reminds me of high school haha

By ZY1431 | 24

#5879768 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:52

give the puppy some time. im sure things will be fine

DippinGrizzly907 | 27

#5879852 - Sunday 9 March 2014 4:08

Serious relationship advice regarding the love of your puppy haha

By not_happening | 11

#5879770 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:52

Time to break out the dog treats!

By beaverteaser | 16

#5879779 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:55

well atleast it was just the dog and not your kid

AnOriginalName | 19

#5880006 - Sunday 9 March 2014 8:29

53,itsprettyeasytoaccidentalkyskipthespacebarwhiletypingquickly.

Nilorak | 24

#5880019 - Sunday 9 March 2014 8:46

Calmdown.

Douchbag_fml | 4

#5880020 - Sunday 9 March 2014 8:46

Well none of your business dude. You don't own FML. They have the rights to type what they want. Not for you to control dude.

beaverteaser | 16

#5880230 - Sunday 9 March 2014 17:02

sorry sir i will make sure i check my spelling every time I see the grammar nazi on duty

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#5879781 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:55

Some dogs seem to go crazy over visitors. Just give it some time and your puppy will be all good.

By cleary30 | 13

#5879782 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:56

Dogs just love people. Maybe he played with the dog more than you do?

By thefmlcounter | 1

#5879784 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:56

Don't sweat it. Just work on getting the puppy to love you more again by constally being with him or her

RenoTheRhino | 30

#5879794 - Sunday 9 March 2014 3:00

*constantly. Sorry, I had to.

By RenoTheRhino | 30

#5879785 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:57

Give your puppy some treats and cuddle! Hopefully, he'll warm back up to you.

By lotr4 | 18

#5879787 - Sunday 9 March 2014 2:58

It's like that sponge bob episode where Gary likes Patrick more, but it was only for the cookie :)

hellnosucka | 27

#5879969 - Sunday 9 March 2014 6:58

yes. maybe OP should check their friends pockets for cookies.