Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. My brother insulted her weight so many times she left in tears. Not only does he not understand why what he did was wrong, he’s genuinely livid with me for being upset with him, to the point that he damn near slugged me when I confronted him. FML
Today, I overheard my husband’s disgusting misogynist brother saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to discipline my son, because “it’ll turn him into one of those pussy ass soyboy simps that listens to bitches.” My husband didn’t even back me when I told the douche to leave our house. FML
Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML
Today, I celebrated my birthday. My brother's girlfriend gave me a few snide comments about the choice of music and my dress. Then she teased me about not having a boyfriend. By the way, I haven't had a relationship in five years because I'm still traumatized from past domestic abuse. FML
Today, my tall, handsome, perfect cousin told me to stop bitching about being single and "work on myself", as if that would magically attract hordes of women. I told him to fuck off and swung at him. He knocked me on my ass and had the balls to say he forgave me but that I needed to stop being bitter. FML
Today, in our family group chat, my sister-in-law asked me what I got my new girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Not long after, my brother called me pissed off about me making him look bad. FML
Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
organizse 28
Does he wear a fedora and have a neckbeard too?
gummehbewr 19
You're brother needs to learn what manners are..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (125)
Tannasgh 22
Women seem to gravitate toward douchebags like that...or so it has been my experience
TheLastCenturion 19
Deck him in the face.
RedPillSucks 31
OP. you don't HAVE TO listen to him. next time just cut him off, or leave the room. let him know that you're not going to listen to someone whine while treating women badly.
shadow1248 23
Ugh, just based on this your brother sounds disgustingly douchey.
MrKento11 12
exigology (n.) A statement whose converse is its own explanation. ...The more you know.
PhoenixChick 26
Ya know, I've seen dudes that wear things like that/say things like that and always wondered how they did with the ladies. I'm glad at least one is reaping the rewards. Sorry it's your brother though. Maybe when he's a little older or more mature (hey, it could happen) you can try again to point out the girl-repellent power of his attitude.
genshift 8
I think I see what his problem is: he's a plank.
allforfun 23
Just let him do his thing, he'll get what he deserves
ohSNAPyall 26
Does he think a girlfriend is inevitable?
pasupathymuthu 16
Someone probably advised him that for him to get laid, he needs to give off the "bad boy" vibes.