Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend dumped him. I overheard my mom tell him "It could be worse. Your brother can't even get a girlfriend". FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. My brother insulted her weight so many times she left in tears. Not only does he not understand why what he did was wrong, he’s genuinely livid with me for being upset with him, to the point that he damn near slugged me when I confronted him. FML
Today, I overheard my husband’s disgusting misogynist brother saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to discipline my son, because “it’ll turn him into one of those pussy ass soyboy simps that listens to bitches.” My husband didn’t even back me when I told the douche to leave our house. FML
Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML
Today, I celebrated my birthday. My brother's girlfriend gave me a few snide comments about the choice of music and my dress. Then she teased me about not having a boyfriend. By the way, I haven't had a relationship in five years because I'm still traumatized from past domestic abuse. FML
Today, my tall, handsome, perfect cousin told me to stop bitching about being single and "work on myself", as if that would magically attract hordes of women. I told him to fuck off and swung at him. He knocked me on my ass and had the balls to say he forgave me but that I needed to stop being bitter. FML
Today, in our family group chat, my sister-in-law asked me what I got my new girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Not long after, my brother called me pissed off about me making him look bad. FML
Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML
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Top comments
organizse 28
Does he wear a fedora and have a neckbeard too?
gummehbewr 19
You're brother needs to learn what manners are..
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Comments (125)
jarshablarg 8
Well he's going to be a 90yr old virgin
MysteryGuest214 10
Please don't help him polish his manners. Leave him as the lone, unvarnished a**hole that he is. He's less likely to reproduce.
MenacingMe 17
I laughed FAR too hard at this not to give it a thumbs up haha ?
writerchic85 25
Sounds like one of those guys who use the word "friendzoned" a lot
imhere_tocomment 2
Tell him that he is a dick, but this time say it's from us all as well.
LlamaLover04 5
I personally always mix my soft drinks
openminded8 17
wow that's a douche bag big enough to clean a whales ******
kafka13 9
he's a real dick with a person attached
zyero 9
Perpetual single eh? I've met a few folks bitching "why does nobody want to date me?!?" To which I respond "perhaps because you tell all your female friends to "get off your ass, get in the kitchen, and make me a sammich bitch!" Real lady killer that one. Your like a towel, all the ******'s just dry up around you."
drangonangel14 8
Seriously? This is why ppl are turning to there own kind.
Sparx1_1 16
Just be glad he doesn't have a girlfriend - do you really want that kind of idiot to reproduce?