By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Serious times

Greed

By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 14:00

Lightweight

Today, I have a hangover. From one small glass of pink Cava. FML

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By GiveMeCake

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

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By maximumpower - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

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By mushroommouth - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

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By SuperCoolGurl - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

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By ugh - United States - Athens

Today, while driving home after the legal curfew, I narrowly avoided a police roadblock and backtracked a mile to drive home another way. I then ran out of gas a mile away from my house. FML

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By Charitable - United States - San Francisco

Today, I donated to a charity website. My card was repeatedly refused by the website but when I went on my account, I was charged for each time I tried. I was scammed by a charity. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 02:01

Shitpants blues

Today, I recently started taking some antidepressants and they have been working really well for me, except for the fact that they have made me crap my pants twice now. Both times in public. FML

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By fuck wannabe knowitalls - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

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By newestallen

MILs gonna MIL...

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

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By lon01t - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

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By gaggin - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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By Justinthebox

Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

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By she knows - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

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By LivingInMisery - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, I was supposed to have my advising appointment for my next semester of college. When I got to campus, it was windy and raining so heavily that my clothes were sopping wet within a minute of stepping out of my car. My advisor didn't show up. FML

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By onlyme - United States

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

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By bras r expensive ppl

Today, I realized I was at a top quality ski resort when, while riding the lift, I counted three bras which appeared to have been thrown into the trees from the lift. My little brother counted eight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

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By heart of cold - United States

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

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By TordNorski - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

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By CastAway - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

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By Matthew - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

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By pathetic - Poland - Warsaw

Don't feed the trolls

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote, "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

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By baffleduncle - Canada - Montreal

Today, I listened to my niece explain to me, in great detail, that the Titanic never sank, and that the year it supposedly did was a prediction of 9/11. She learned all of this from some whackjob conspiracy theory videos, and acts like she's an expert now as a result. FML

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By HDCkid - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

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By awkwardd - Hong Kong

Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

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By ColdStones - Norway - Bergen

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

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By kernelkat - United States

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

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By KtSue - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

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By Hi-Tech - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

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By No-Sleep Nellie - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

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Top comments

By Socrates_fml | 0

#149288 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

let me guess...sociology?

By ForestFire0 | 1

#149301 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:28

good catch, at least. imagine if you went and were scammed. THAT would have been a real FML. This is an FML with a bright side

COMMENTS

By TikkleMeTorry_fml | 0

#149286 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:25

Awww, damn economy.

1st

By Socrates_fml | 0

#149288 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

let me guess...sociology?

Reply

HouseKeeping | 0

#2916859 - Monday 18 July 2011 0:12

I guessed Scientology :/

By acidcloud | 0

#149290 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

Ahaha that sucks.

By heatherewf | 0

#149293 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

Gah, that sucks. And what I'm deathly afraid of myself... I graduate next year. =

By ForestFire0 | 1

#149301 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:28

good catch, at least. imagine if you went and were scammed. THAT would have been a real FML. This is an FML with a bright side

By grazynaanka | 0

#149303 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:28

Just because you graduate from a good school with a good GPA average doesn't mean you are going to get a job because of that. Especially in this economy. Now if you were a nurse, that be a different story.

By borhos222 | 0

#149307 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:29

Aww, don't worry, you'll get another job soon. :)

By 0kay | 0

#149316 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:30

i've applied to 12 jobs in the past 3 weeks and haven't even had ONE call back..

By Serial | 2

#149319 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:31

are you sure you didnt go to a fake college?

By acertijo | 0

#149321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:31

ohh i'm sorry :(