Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
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Top comments
alstbv12 13
I guess he wanted to try the one-eyed pirate with you.
alissa222 15
At least he tried?
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Comments (185)
HunterAlpha1 8
YAR-HAR! Fiddle-dee-dee, bein' a pirate is alright to be! do whatcha want 'cuz a pirate is free! you ARR! a pirate! XD
skodizle29 7
I think you're being a bit unfair.. He atleast gets an A for effort, and that moment could've been hot... Ya just gotta work it :)
noisebox 1
Did he also mount an assault from the rear like pirates do?
ellytoad 13
As Calico Jack said of picking up women: "No time wasted, straight up alongside, all guns brought into play, and the prize boarded."
ellytoad 13
That was my laugh of the morning.
beastnicks 5
Hey at least hes trying to spice up ur sex life
Schnauser 2
Well, you got what he thought you wanted! You should have been more specific when you were giving him a hard time earlier.
RogueWarrior869 23
At least he's trying. That's a lot better then what I've been seeing from other fml's in the intimacy/love section lately.
xX_LilSammie_Xx 4
That's hot.
hateevryone 15
Well he was being spontaneous. Isn't that what you wanted?
SkullRift 0
Yarrr he be wanting to hook into it. Man the bilge, there's no turning back...