Transportation: Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost... - FML

04/02/2016 04:47 - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 405

You deserved it 1 947

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

Hiding from the drama

07/10/2011 00:40 - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 693

You deserved it 41 678

01/09/2014 01:56 - United States - Grinnell

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 917

You deserved it 2 916

21/04/2012 14:50 - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 140

You deserved it 3 211

23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Spicy

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 507

You deserved it 11 236

24/04/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, it is both my birthday and Easter. My whole family came into town and my mom made a big dinner with all of my favorite foods. After church, I took a nap. When I woke up, all the food, including my cake, was gone. No one thought to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 361

You deserved it 6 846

29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 626

You deserved it 865

Time to run

By wastedtime - 13/09/2020 10:57 - United States

Today, things were going great with my girlfriend of six months. She knew I had kids and it seemed to be getting serious, so I decided to introduce her to them. After dinner, I walked her to her car and she said, "That’s real nice but what are you going to do with them once you and I have kids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 101

You deserved it 179

Nice

By happypineapple - 17/07/2014 03:31 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 626

You deserved it 19 850

21/06/2016 16:12 - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 568

You deserved it 3 277

19/06/2012 16:42 - France - Vic-fezensac

Spicy

Today, my parents made a list of all the things they could have done had I not been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 749

You deserved it 3 545

02/03/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 703

You deserved it 4 359

13/05/2016 22:57

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 171

You deserved it 1 347

You wish!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, on my first day of a new factory job, I discovered that my new boss had lied to me about my hours. I found this out when my coworkers burst out laughing when I mentioned having the weekends off, and talking about my recreational plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 2 459

16/12/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 585

You deserved it 30 236

06/04/2014 21:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 752

You deserved it 13 824

13/09/2012 05:19 - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 732

You deserved it 24 101

30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 968

You deserved it 5 472

03/09/2017 13:00

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 225

The sound of silence

By hearing too much - 03/11/2019 02:00

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 200

14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 108

You deserved it 3 501

22/07/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 332

You deserved it 83 256

26/04/2014 12:28 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 385

You deserved it 30 279

17/08/2012 16:45 - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 2 227

He Mad

By kitty - 09/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my grandpa yelled at me, telling me to stop being ugly and rude. I only asked if he could cut the watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 141

Time to lay down the law

By Christiana Lipphardt - 09/07/2021 20:01

Today, I was told that my in-laws are visiting next weekend. I already have anxiety, as they behaved really badly last time and treat our newborn like a toy and keep bothering her. My husband won't say anything as he wants to spare their feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 99

11/10/2013 03:04 - United States

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 547

You deserved it 5 137

21/11/2012 09:54 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 2 331

15/03/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 4 383

12/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 520

You deserved it 15 192

06/09/2016 13:36 - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 340

You deserved it 959

18/10/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 065

You deserved it 37 115

04/01/2010 03:50 - Canada

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 817

You deserved it 34 759

28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 727

You deserved it 15 872

15/04/2017 04:00 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my mom let my younger brother borrow my car. He managed to crash it through the garage door. While I was in another country. Somehow, I manage to get berated by my mom because I'm not doing enough to make my brother feel better about him having an accident involving my car and my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 674

You deserved it 331

27/04/2013 04:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 482

You deserved it 15 361

12/09/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 593

You deserved it 5 008

25/08/2013 18:21 - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 10 573

26/08/2013 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 829

You deserved it 14 777

11/05/2019 23:30 - India - Thane

Today, I set an alarm to wake up for a football match. I woke up after it finished. Turns out, I set my alarm to 12:15 p.m. instead of a.m. I ended up missing one of my team's best performances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 1 453

19/12/2012 20:53

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 247

You deserved it 17 665

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Top comments

mattzawesome 28

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:35

0 liability for valuable items? when are they liable then? For my $3 tube of toothpaste?

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:34

Buy a new drill. Invite them over for free treatment. Hold them hostage. Should get the loss covered and then some.

Comments

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:34

Buy a new drill. Invite them over for free treatment. Hold them hostage. Should get the loss covered and then some.

firefighter925 18

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Thursday 4 February 2016 18:05

And then some meaning jail time. lol

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Thursday 4 February 2016 19:48

Definitely the professional way to go!

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Thursday 4 February 2016 21:49

It's called a hand piece actually.

mattzawesome 28

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:35

0 liability for valuable items? when are they liable then? For my $3 tube of toothpaste?

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Friday 5 February 2016 0:55

Nah, thats too valuable.

Kevin_Kestel 24

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:40

number 1 is right

Obito_Uchiha651 17

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Friday 5 February 2016 3:31

You telling us that wasn't necessary

ShleeG 23

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Friday 5 February 2016 4:51

number 58 is right

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2016 18:52

So is number 59

Send a private message

Thursday 4 February 2016 17:42

Find out what they will claim, and state that's what was in it instead. Make the value even more than $2,000 and get your money's worth! What do you have to lose?

Send a private message

Sunday 7 February 2016 13:52

Expensive dental equipment, apparently.

FueledByFate 23

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:43

Two words: Travel Insurance. If you're traveling with anything valuable, please get it next time!

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:45

I'm in insurance.... File a claim... If you have homeowners or renters insurance..... They will reimburse your property, no matter where you are!! Trust me!!! My name is jake and i actually work at State farm as an insurance salesman in training!

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Thursday 4 February 2016 18:00

she sound hideous

annoyedperson 25

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Thursday 4 February 2016 18:12

#11 She sounds hideous

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Thursday 4 February 2016 19:12

You're legit Jake. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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Thursday 4 February 2016 19:27

Are you wearing khakis, Jake?

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Thursday 4 February 2016 20:40

Jakes doesn't wear pants.

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Friday 5 February 2016 0:40

I bet his nickname at the office is Jake the Snake.

afrightenedhuman 16

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:46

Well, you could check with a lawyer, except if you signed something saying that you agree to that.... Then you're pretty much screwed. Hope it was insured, if it wasn't then you learned a lesson, always insure expensive things.

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:50

Will they be liable for the inevitable foot that gets lost when someone shoves It up their metal arse with those rules?

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:51

14 CFR Part 254 - google it. Department of Transportation requires airlines to reimburse you for up to $3,300 of luggage value.

igive 29

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:57

Whaaaaatt! Good to know! Thanks!

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Thursday 4 February 2016 18:18

It's the information they don't volunteer, most people will never know so they don't have to pay most people. Shady!!!

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Thursday 4 February 2016 18:09

Perhaps you should consider carry-on for the more expensive pieces next time.

Suaria 37

Thursday 4 February 2016 19:27

Except it was dental instruments as stated in the FML. Most of those instruments would be considered weapons by the TSA.

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Friday 5 February 2016 0:42

Dammit I was going to make a carry-on joke but #13 unwittingly beat me to it.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 115

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136