Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost... - FML

By InDebt - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

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Not now!

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Fake News

By Anonymous

Today, I went in for I thought would be an interview for a promotion, but turns out there was no interview set up, and they'd already decided who would be the next manager. FML

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By Titatoum - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

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By klynn267 - United States - Portland

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

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By Danielle - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

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By internetloser - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used the adult swim "we should see other people" commercial. FML

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By Weirdo - 22/11/2020 08:02

Technologically challenged

Today, once again, my mom chewed me out for, “playing games on the computer all day.” I’m not playing, it’s 3D modeling, and it’s my job. FML

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By MIG2204 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my school told us that we all need to be checked and treated for threadworms. So now I need to go tell my girlfriend that she needs to be checked and treated for threadworms. We have been dating for little over a week. FML

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By hopeless - United States

Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML

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By NotSpiderman - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Balwyn North

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Skidaddle123 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to switch my glass of coke with a glass of pure vinegar. FML

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By whymommywhy - United States

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

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By TexasGirl24 - United States - Houston

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

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By fml - 13/1/2020 07:00 - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Great Falls

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Paso

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

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By marz88 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

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By FUUUUCK - United Kingdom

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

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By 8to10days - United Kingdom

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

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By MrZach - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

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By oh god. - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

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By itssdianaa - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

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By all tweened out - Canada

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

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By smf_ds - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

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By youredisgusting - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

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By Rainbow92 - Bulgaria

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

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By bluebride - United States

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

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By Lickmebaby - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

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By MoMoneyMoProblems - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

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By ididlookgood - United States

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

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By K. - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

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By damnit - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

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By ashily24

Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML

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By nickthetank - Canada

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

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By poopshooter101 - United States

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

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Top comments

By mattzawesome | 28

#6528508 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:35

0 liability for valuable items? when are they liable then? For my $3 tube of toothpaste?

By sarkaar | 30

#6528507 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:34

Buy a new drill. Invite them over for free treatment. Hold them hostage. Should get the loss covered and then some.

COMMENTS

By sarkaar | 30

#6528507 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:34

Buy a new drill. Invite them over for free treatment. Hold them hostage. Should get the loss covered and then some.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#6528539 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:05

And then some meaning jail time. lol

Reply

TrickyDeath | 14

#6528627 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:48

Definitely the professional way to go!

Reply

Deadpool47 | 23

#6528696 - Thursday 4 February 2016 21:49

It's called a hand piece actually.

By mattzawesome | 28

#6528508 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:35

0 liability for valuable items? when are they liable then? For my $3 tube of toothpaste?

Reply

apineapple | 40

#6528773 - Friday 5 February 2016 0:55

Nah, thats too valuable.

By Kevin_Kestel | 24

#6528510 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:40

number 1 is right

Reply

Obito_Uchiha651 | 17

#6528892 - Friday 5 February 2016 3:31

You telling us that wasn't necessary

Reply

ShleeG | 23

#6528927 - Friday 5 February 2016 4:51

number 58 is right

Reply

ELoni_fml | 25

#6531271 - Sunday 7 February 2016 18:52

So is number 59

By chyiochan | 30

#6528512 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:42

Find out what they will claim, and state that's what was in it instead. Make the value even more than $2,000 and get your money's worth! What do you have to lose?

Reply

ub3rpwn4g3 | 9

#6531076 - Sunday 7 February 2016 13:52

Expensive dental equipment, apparently.

By FueledByFate | 22

#6528514 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:43

Two words: Travel Insurance. If you're traveling with anything valuable, please get it next time!

By jake131000 | 21

#6528516 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:45

I'm in insurance.... File a claim... If you have homeowners or renters insurance..... They will reimburse your property, no matter where you are!! Trust me!!! My name is jake and i actually work at State farm as an insurance salesman in training!

Reply

willsnow18 | 11

#6528533 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:00

she sound hideous

Reply

annoyedperson | 25

#6528547 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:12

#11 She sounds hideous

Reply

Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6528604 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:12

You're legit Jake. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Reply

Amama_fml | 30

#6528610 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:27

Are you wearing khakis, Jake?

Reply

Sathane | 21

#6528662 - Thursday 4 February 2016 20:40

Jakes doesn't wear pants.

Reply

EarlFug | 19

#6528764 - Friday 5 February 2016 0:40

I bet his nickname at the office is Jake the Snake.

By afrightenedhuman | 16

#6528519 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:46

Well, you could check with a lawyer, except if you signed something saying that you agree to that.... Then you're pretty much screwed.
Hope it was insured, if it wasn't then you learned a lesson, always insure expensive things.

By weird_adult | 27

#6528522 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:50

Will they be liable for the inevitable foot that gets lost when someone shoves It up their metal arse with those rules?

By Publikwerks | 14

#6528523 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:51

14 CFR Part 254 - google it.

Department of Transportation requires airlines to reimburse you for up to $3,300 of luggage value.

Reply

igive | 28

#6528530 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:57

Whaaaaatt! Good to know! Thanks!

Reply

allforfun | 23

#6528551 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:18

It's the information they don't volunteer, most people will never know so they don't have to pay most people. Shady!!!

By SoBeSatan | 22

#6528543 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:09

Perhaps you should consider carry-on for the more expensive pieces next time.

Reply

Suaria | 37

#6528611 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:27

Except it was dental instruments as stated in the FML. Most of those instruments would be considered weapons by the TSA.

Reply

EarlFug | 19

#6528766 - Friday 5 February 2016 0:42

Dammit I was going to make a carry-on joke but #13 unwittingly beat me to it.