Transportation: Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost... - FML

By InDebt - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

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Understandable

Dementia or hate? You decide

No pain, no meds

By anonymous - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

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By GracieGirl

When feral kids attack

Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML

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By Shinobi_3 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

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By mike - United States

Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML

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By Anonymous - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Double take

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

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By KMilly - United States

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

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By cjkelly1 - United States

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

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By qx5 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By lifesuck - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

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By Indiana - Canada

Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. FML

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By GuillermoCJ - Mexico

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML

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By Embarrassed

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

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By N - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

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By TheSublime - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

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By kenken5

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

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By FML FML FML!!

Today, we had to do a scene from Romeo and Juliet. I was Romeo, and this really pretty girl was Juliet. When she found out she was with me, I heard her say "FML." FML

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By hehe

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

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By Ferniferousfern

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML

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By mrs.nerd - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

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By why?? - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 11:01

Deception

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

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By mikalovernj - 27/11/2020 14:02

Pets are life

Today, my neighbor asked me to check in on his pet. When I went into his house, I couldn't find any animals. I searched all over, and finally gave up and called him. I asked him what type of pet he had. His response? "My pet rock, Stubby." That's right, I just spent some time looking for a rock. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 05:02

Sticky situation

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

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By pussy - Italy

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

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By RescuePups - United States - Waterford

Sneaky Bitch

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

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By newscomes - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I stubbed the same toe three times in fifteen minutes. How? My sister moved most of the furniture in the house to the left by a few inches, because she thought it would be funny to watch me get confused and suffer. FML

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By AmberHavoc - United Kingdom

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

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By my poor eyes - 15/2/2021 16:01 - United States - Danville

Can't be unseen

Today, I found out the hard way that my 74-year-old dad sometimes wakes up early and washes dishes. Sounds great, except sometimes he likes to do so with nothing on from the waist down. FML

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By Lisa - United States

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

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By jo1429 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

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By ugh - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

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By hoggypig

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

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By heretoserve - United States - Winchester

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

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By Broke - United States

This is my life

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

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By Animal cruelty - Australia

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

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By holyshitbatman - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

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Top comments

By mattzawesome | 28

#6528508 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:35

0 liability for valuable items? when are they liable then? For my $3 tube of toothpaste?

By sarkaar | 30

#6528507 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:34

Buy a new drill. Invite them over for free treatment. Hold them hostage. Should get the loss covered and then some.

COMMENTS

By sarkaar | 30

#6528507 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:34

Buy a new drill. Invite them over for free treatment. Hold them hostage. Should get the loss covered and then some.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#6528539 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:05

And then some meaning jail time. lol

Reply

TrickyDeath | 14

#6528627 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:48

Definitely the professional way to go!

Reply

Deadpool47 | 23

#6528696 - Thursday 4 February 2016 21:49

It's called a hand piece actually.

By mattzawesome | 28

#6528508 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:35

0 liability for valuable items? when are they liable then? For my $3 tube of toothpaste?

Reply

apineapple | 40

#6528773 - Friday 5 February 2016 0:55

Nah, thats too valuable.

By Kevin_Kestel | 24

#6528510 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:40

number 1 is right

Reply

Obito_Uchiha651 | 17

#6528892 - Friday 5 February 2016 3:31

You telling us that wasn't necessary

Reply

ShleeG | 23

#6528927 - Friday 5 February 2016 4:51

number 58 is right

Reply

ELoni_fml | 25

#6531271 - Sunday 7 February 2016 18:52

So is number 59

By Seeya55 | 31

#6528512 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:42

Find out what they will claim, and state that's what was in it instead. Make the value even more than $2,000 and get your money's worth! What do you have to lose?

Reply

ub3rpwn4g3 | 9

#6531076 - Sunday 7 February 2016 13:52

Expensive dental equipment, apparently.

By FueledByFate | 23

#6528514 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:43

Two words: Travel Insurance. If you're traveling with anything valuable, please get it next time!

By jake131000 | 21

#6528516 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:45

I'm in insurance.... File a claim... If you have homeowners or renters insurance..... They will reimburse your property, no matter where you are!! Trust me!!! My name is jake and i actually work at State farm as an insurance salesman in training!

Reply

willsnow18 | 11

#6528533 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:00

she sound hideous

Reply

annoyedperson | 25

#6528547 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:12

#11 She sounds hideous

Reply

Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6528604 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:12

You're legit Jake. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Reply

Amama_fml | 30

#6528610 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:27

Are you wearing khakis, Jake?

Reply

Sathane | 21

#6528662 - Thursday 4 February 2016 20:40

Jakes doesn't wear pants.

Reply

EarlFug | 19

#6528764 - Friday 5 February 2016 0:40

I bet his nickname at the office is Jake the Snake.

By afrightenedhuman | 16

#6528519 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:46

Well, you could check with a lawyer, except if you signed something saying that you agree to that.... Then you're pretty much screwed.
Hope it was insured, if it wasn't then you learned a lesson, always insure expensive things.

By weird_adult | 27

#6528522 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:50

Will they be liable for the inevitable foot that gets lost when someone shoves It up their metal arse with those rules?

By Publikwerks | 14

#6528523 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:51

14 CFR Part 254 - google it.

Department of Transportation requires airlines to reimburse you for up to $3,300 of luggage value.

Reply

igive | 29

#6528530 - Thursday 4 February 2016 17:57

Whaaaaatt! Good to know! Thanks!

Reply

allforfun | 23

#6528551 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:18

It's the information they don't volunteer, most people will never know so they don't have to pay most people. Shady!!!

By SoBeSatan | 22

#6528543 - Thursday 4 February 2016 18:09

Perhaps you should consider carry-on for the more expensive pieces next time.

Reply

Suaria | 37

#6528611 - Thursday 4 February 2016 19:27

Except it was dental instruments as stated in the FML. Most of those instruments would be considered weapons by the TSA.

Reply

EarlFug | 19

#6528766 - Friday 5 February 2016 0:42

Dammit I was going to make a carry-on joke but #13 unwittingly beat me to it.