Intimacy: Bad timing

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 946

You deserved it 12 574

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Same thing different taste

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 361

You deserved it 7 199

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 4 122

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 660

You deserved it 12 195

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 442

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 14 581

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 029

You deserved it 9 703

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 014

You deserved it 18 781

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 315

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 507

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 4 671

TraceCase_ 19

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:14

Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders

a_cassie 4

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:04

that's kind of awkward

Comments

shaniecerb 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 8:50

keep your head where it belongs

Annie443417817 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 15:38

Use head and shoulders, and never give him a bj again! Seriously! :/

strauny 3

Tuesday 19 April 2011 16:16

why the he'll would you tell people you gave him a *******....?

5t3ff1k4h 44

Tuesday 19 April 2011 21:37

Because no one knows or cares who the **** she is. Get with it, kid.

scotchnacid 4

Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:31

Lol that's hilarious

fleck13 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 7:44

That's when you bite ;) JK!

kiko686 0

Friday 22 April 2011 15:19

hey 16 wanna remake this girls first bj but take out the flakes;)

insidejokeswithm 0

Saturday 23 April 2011 22:51

how sexy!

r33dr4c3r 0

Monday 25 April 2011 4:40

Did he like it?

Feltz99 0

Friday 29 April 2011 23:18

give me a BJ

Fmlfylydiopp 2

Sunday 1 May 2011 17:22

maybe it was an excuse to get out of the *******.. maybe it sucked

Keywords

Work Money Capitalism Drunk Cheating Love Relatable Health Music Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Concert Coworkers Intimacy Sextoys Embarrassing Pranks Morning Gross Allergies Transportation Cars Food Cute AITA Mental health Medication Annoying Nice Guys

The Top

Today, I was talking to this girl I have dinner with every week. She’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. She said, "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was, "Aren't we?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 794

You deserved it 15 815

...

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 6

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 015

You deserved it 13 403

Today, my father said I only voted for Biden "because I watch the news." He's a hardcore Trumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 512

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 248

You deserved it 14 863

Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 3 524

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 151

You deserved it 41 019

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 691

You deserved it 3 479