Intimacy: Bad timing

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 946

You deserved it 12 574

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Same thing different taste

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 361

You deserved it 7 199

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 4 122

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 660

You deserved it 12 195

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 442

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 14 581

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 029

You deserved it 9 703

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 014

You deserved it 18 781

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 315

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 507

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 4 671

TraceCase_ 19

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:14

Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders

a_cassie 4

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:04

that's kind of awkward

Comments

tylerpienta 6

Tuesday 10 May 2011 0:24

I'm sorry

DyleonSFQ 0

Sunday 15 May 2011 9:39

Not cool. Sucks for you.

KayleeRobertson 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 3:24

Haha... they have shampoo for that(:

rom8_6 0

Friday 10 June 2011 4:14

What a low blow!

roxy59_fml 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 6:40

ewww thts y there is dandruff shampoo !

KellyyM143 10

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:59

Lmfao xD

ThisRandomChild 0

Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:31

I would have bit his dick

bkb1886 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 17:33

That gives a whole new meaning to "Head" and Shoulders

Flocka_23 14

Monday 19 September 2011 13:33

Someone sucks at giving ********....

AndrewClark 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 4:08

How do you think you did on the *******?

Keywords

Capitalism Money Work Love Drunk Cheating Health Relatable Awkward Concert Miscellaneous Friends Music Coworkers Pranks Embarrassing Sextoys Intimacy Gross Morning Cars Allergies Transportation Cute Food AITA Mental health Medication Annoying Nice Guys

The Top

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys, and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour, before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 9 575

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 188

You deserved it 11 911

The Top

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 664

You deserved it 40 726

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 558

You deserved it 4 754

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 595

You deserved it 16 481

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 678

You deserved it 55 050

Today, I quit my job because I wasn't given the time or space to pump for my newborn child. I went back to work 4 weeks postpartum, and they suggested I pump in the bathroom, my car or the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 224

Today, I received a dick pic from my partner, with whom, although taking a ‘break’, we were apparently ‘working on things’. He forgot to remove the Grindr watermark from his pic. FML