Intimacy: Bad timing - FML

Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 944

You deserved it 12 574

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Same thing different taste

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 359

You deserved it 7 199

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 4 122

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 658

You deserved it 12 195

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 442

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 14 580

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 028

You deserved it 9 703

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 012

You deserved it 18 779

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 313

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 489

You deserved it 507

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 005

You deserved it 4 670

Next

Top comments

TraceCase_ 19

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:14

Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders

a_cassie 4

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:04

that's kind of awkward

Comments

KickItHigh 32

Monday 18 April 2011 7:37

is*

Tporr80 0

Monday 18 April 2011 8:36

Tell him no more head 4 u...I have my own head 2 shine!!! FHL, HaHa!!

NPN_Scorpio 16

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:37

Way to focus, bf.

ScoundrelDays 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 3:12

I know! What's with the vicious comments!? Clearly the guys' at fault for being a tactless twit. As if all of these posters have bodies/habits beyond critiquing. And some of the male comments! Misogyny: alive and well here.

marissabunge23 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 3:18

take care of it! jesus

Sournick 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 4:12

U should've bit his dick off

logan7058 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 6:04

lol

kei1108 13

Tuesday 19 April 2011 6:10

Maybe you should've known him long enough to know how much if a jerk he was.. a ********? really?

1970chevelless 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 7:37

ummm...no comment

KickItHigh 32

Monday 16 May 2011 2:37

You just commented, therefore a comment.

diehlx3 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 7:43

wow what a dick

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 3

Today, my grandpa forgot that my aunt set up a baby monitor in his bedroom in case of a fall. I’m sitting in the living room with his wife - who is deaf - and I hear him moaning over the baby monitor. My grandfather was jerking off and forgot that someone could hear him. I wish I could forget too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 130

The Top

Today, my wife and I used to have sex at least 5 times a week, but since we said "I DO" at our wedding I’m lucky to get a shag once a month, and you can forget about blowjobs, I’ve not had one since before the wedding. Nothing about our life has changed to cause this, except we’re married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 359

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 426

You deserved it 2 222

Today, a good friend from childhood, who was my maid of honor four years ago, got married. Without me knowing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 209

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 93

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 944

You deserved it 3 509

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 109

You deserved it 523