Intimacy: Backhanded

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

agreeclassic 43 113

vote type 1 4 518

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By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

agreeclassic 16 175

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By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

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Shaving!

By John Doe - 07/01/2020 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML

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Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 16:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

agreeclassic 33 083

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Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

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By FreshDonuts - 28/02/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

agreeclassic 40 358

vote type 1 6 288

CryMoreFMLs 14

Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:50

Fun sized!

PSQ91 6

Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:54

She's trying not be offensive. You should be grateful to have her.

Comments

Df3278 5

Thursday 29 September 2011 0:32

Im always laugh at by girls they never say its cute

niceman144 0

Tuesday 13 December 2011 6:09

She's cruel! What a bitch!

KissMyFurryAss 10

Friday 23 March 2012 22:22

I wish there was a share button- I'm a chick :3

wikedjest 0

Monday 3 September 2012 7:59

ouch

Sockmonkey12 10

Thursday 6 November 2014 4:46

She's a keeper! ?

Bush_Did_711 18

Monday 22 February 2016 7:03

Sad little donger

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Top

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

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Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

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Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

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Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

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Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

agreeclassic 24 266

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Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

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vote type 1 2 408