Intimacy: Assumptions

Assumptions

By enderw - 16/06/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So you are the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and I a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 163

You deserved it 6 413

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Jayanka - 03/05/2018 05:00

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 175

You deserved it 608

By embarrassedmom - 31/08/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 360

You deserved it 4 238

By Fat Dad - 03/03/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 665

You deserved it 43 837

Bad seed

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 22:00 - United States - Worcester

Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 354

Thanks for the help

By singlemom - 15/07/2021 16:01

Today, while in line for my prescription, my daughter was interrogating the man behind us. I'm a single mother. She asked the man, "Do you think my mom is pretty? Want to go on a date with her?" When he told her he was married, she replied, "So? You can get a divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 197

You tried

By well okay then - 10/09/2012 04:39 - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 029

You deserved it 3 464

By Bear - 10/07/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 764

You deserved it 384

By NotYourDaddy - 08/08/2017 00:31

Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 529

You deserved it 564

Parental disapproval

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 80

By savanna(: - 12/02/2011 08:05 - United States

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 123

You deserved it 17 859

randomdude1234 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 2:05

A lot of cops are idiots. Not saying that there aren't good ones but a lot of them are idiots.

Emma_91 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 2:05

WTF? Or maybe the cop just has a dirty mind XD

Comments

spirited_away33 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:34

ehh, this FML would have been better without the last sentence. FYL!!!

123sploosh 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:37

dont call your daughter a hoe

bollywood_rocks 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:43

Uh, he didn't. Who in their right mind will call their daughter a piece of garden/farm tool? :)

em0_AzNcHiKK_12 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 1:35

my mom...or shall i and everyone who knows her say: one great ray of sunshine...a BURNING ray of sunshinex(

bigotcretin 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:41

wincest

emptyxXbliss 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:44

Well, it's possible she wasn't dressed slutty and just was wearing a lot of jewelry or something of that sort. People assume jewelry equals ho even though they don't make like any money... Though she still would've had to be wearing a lot of make-up. You kinda deserve it.

funsize003 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:47

pshhh hahah. --> you should have held up a few bucks, winked at the officer, and said "a cheap one too" and sped off. would have been ******* HILARIOUS.

flex_able 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 19:47

lol it would have

bollywood_rocks 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 21:41

I'm pretty sure the following arrest won't be. The cop may arrest him for eluding a police officer.

thelarkscaw 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 3:58

daughter was probably dressed like a ******* ho.

rightsaidred 3

Wednesday 17 June 2009 4:00

That... is just wrong. I hope you got his badge number.

darkangel550 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 4:10

While the cop's intentions were professional, his reaction to the OP telling him that the girl is his daughter was not. I would have filed a complaint, because it was completely unnecessary.

TunaSammich 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 4:20

The cop is the one who was out of line. I said "you deserved it" because you were ashamed of your daughter over it instead of thinking the cop was a jerk. I'm glad you're not my dad. Heaven forbid a woman wear what she wants without being shamed and treated like a prostitute for it.

dramatay 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 4:54

Please I'm a woman and I'll be the first one to admit that most girls dress like ***** nowadays. I went to a show and in the audience saw a girl who couldn't be more than 12 whose shorts barely stuck out from under her shirt. That is just not appropriate. I wish for the days where I could buy a pair of shorts that hit me at mid thigh. I haven't worn shorts in years because they don't sell them at a descent length anymore. Now I don't know how this girl was dressed but going by how most girls today, especially girls going downtown (you should see downtown Orlando at night), I can see how the cop might have come to his conclusion. But he shouldn't have been ashamed of his daughter he should have been ashamed of himself for not parenting her.

jem1991 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 7:50

maybe you are exaggerating a little? they sell plenty of shorts/skirts in plenty of stores that sell mid-thigh or longer length.. ive seen them.

bollywood_rocks 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 21:44

Agreed but I'd be putting the blame on the parent for not getting appropriate clothing for her not the stores for not making them. I have seen 9yr olds who wear shorter shorts than I do(although the "shortest" I own is a capri for working out. I never wear shorts.