By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 23:02

Alexa, play "Noise Annoys" by Buzzcocks

Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1237

You deserved it

Favorite

Dangling modifier

Our house, in the middle of our street

Season finale

By ealovan - United States - Des Moines

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35864

You deserved it

9648

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Queef Richards

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

803

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By blowinchunks - Canada

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28687

You deserved it

2946

Favorite

By romainmain - France - Charleville-m?zi?res

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12907

You deserved it

26489

Favorite

By Annon - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25746

You deserved it

2465

Favorite

By Just another Dude

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2875

You deserved it

931

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30115

You deserved it

3873

Favorite

By anon - United States - Washougal

Today, I rear ended a cop while talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8572

You deserved it

90934

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I learned something new. I knew that ripening apples release some kind of gas that affects other fruit. But I learned that apparently, it can also affect living plants. Meaning that if you keep a windfall of apples in the same room as a potted rose, the rose will die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1293

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By Cannachick

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1913

You deserved it

417

Favorite

By mjayne17 - Canada

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another, and we were just getting to the good parts when his mom walks in. After a long, awkward pause, she says "I like your socks" and walks out. She is a teacher at my highschool. I have to see her everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51939

You deserved it

22218

Favorite

By levi69 - United States

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60414

You deserved it

4703

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12246

You deserved it

38532

Favorite

By Chihuahuanope - United States - Lincoln

An Expensive Snack

Today, my girlfriend's 2lb chihuahua ate 500 dollars worth of textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6832

You deserved it

748

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53385

You deserved it

7423

Favorite

By AnDroidZ_BabY - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36357

You deserved it

3809

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9876

You deserved it

39500

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 20:01

Brain fog

Today, I was at the dentist and got laughing gas to lessen the anxiety I get from the numbing shots. When I was good and "relaxed", an assistant leaned real close and said, "Open wide." I just stared back at her and widened my eyes. She had to clarify she was talking about my mouth. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

691

You deserved it

190

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 05:01

Late bloomer

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

837

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Hunter

Today, my five year old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side so I decided to grab a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13697

You deserved it

33746

Favorite

By Jimseagoon

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2746

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By Wyomingwannbe - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13056

You deserved it

2282

Favorite

By Sabrina - Australia - Canberra

Move on, dude

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1604

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By Anonymous - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15613

You deserved it

1034

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53055

You deserved it

6795

Favorite

By DezyCoCo - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10124

You deserved it

2541

Favorite

By crybaby - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11594

You deserved it

813

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54057

You deserved it

30266

Favorite

By KS - United States

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49179

You deserved it

8920

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21629

You deserved it

79771

Favorite

By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42859

You deserved it

4868

Favorite

By Anonymous

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1449

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By seizuregirl17 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49412

You deserved it

2865

Favorite

By notsoaloneanymore - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they 'thought I would be lonely'. I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14888

You deserved it

3115

Favorite

By Lisaaa - Canada

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13681

You deserved it

34501

Favorite

By awkwardbf - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25752

You deserved it

4812

Favorite

By - 4/4/2021 07:59

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks

417

You deserved it

1278

Favorite

By anon - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30963

You deserved it

2219

Favorite

By bad surprise - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34113

You deserved it

7509

Favorite

By FawnPrincess

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4117

You deserved it

418

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Brightside86 | 23

#7917059 - Sunday 28 June 2020 6:17

Maybe get her some headphones. Lots of people's hearing gets bad as they age.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7917040 - Sunday 28 June 2020 2:42

WHAT?

COMMENTS

By bloopaloop | 27

#7917040 - Sunday 28 June 2020 2:42

WHAT?

By Chazzster | 21

#7917053 - Sunday 28 June 2020 4:58

It sounds like Mom is losing her hearing.

OP - Sorry that is tough to be around if you have normal hearing.

By Brightside86 | 23

#7917059 - Sunday 28 June 2020 6:17

Maybe get her some headphones. Lots of people's hearing gets bad as they age.

By rotflqtms_ | 19

#7917561 - Monday 29 June 2020 22:57

Maybe everyone should start using headphones. I almost always use them. It makes the house way quieter... then if someone does need to talk or something, everyone can hear what they want to hear and not what they don't want to hear.