Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 174

Hiding from the drama

Age difference

Taking stock

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 10:28 - United States

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 956

You deserved it 30 991

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 019

You deserved it 1 214

Maybe it's by accident?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 21:30

Today, I've been binge-watching a certain Twitch/YouTube streamer. I love his political insights, but I've noticed he keeps saying, "On accident." It grinds my gears so much, I had to go outside and listen to birds chirping instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 470

By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 006

You deserved it 55 028

By woahitbechels - 25/04/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 944

You deserved it 12 582

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 13:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 700

You deserved it 2 175

By a-non - 02/02/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I realized that the dog humping my leg was the most action I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 8 187

By Salliemae - 11/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 859

You deserved it 373

Caught!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 02:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me, thanks to a friend's TikTok account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, formal portraits of my entire class were posted online, with about five photos per person. As my mom was looking at them, she was commenting about how pretty all my classmates look. When she got to my photos, all she had to say was "ugh". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 747

You deserved it 2 531

Felt that

By jdot747 - 18/01/2009 01:48 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week-old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later, I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 653

You deserved it 29 454

By planes - 30/12/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 921

You deserved it 2 603

By audied - 04/01/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 180

You deserved it 4 572

By Chlo - 11/08/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 373

Tour de France

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Ipswich

Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 662

You deserved it 26 357

Creepy

By WadStakk - 08/10/2021 23:00

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old daughter, who always acts so sweet, is antagonizing a 24 year-old woman via social media regarding her boyfriend, whom my daughter is *likely* having sex with. I thought she was the purest sweetest thing and she always has a believable excuse for times unaccounted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 505

It's been a while

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Perkasie

Today, I finally had someone else touch my man parts. It was my doctor, checking for testicular cancer and a hernia, as part of my yearly physical. He's the only person other than myself to touch my junk in the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 186

By EmbarrassedChild - 30/07/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 309

You deserved it 1 897

By Weasel123 - 26/10/2012 07:58 - United States - Anadarko

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 2 342

By IHateMyJob - 14/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 3 373

By BMike - 11/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 504

You deserved it 2 961

Idiots on bikes

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 18:50 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 754

You deserved it 2 313

By sampaloompy - 08/01/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 325

You deserved it 8 159

Customers from hell

By hexphoenix - 07/04/2015 00:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 326

You deserved it 2 680

Unwanted guest

By MMM - 21/01/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 406

You deserved it 11 426

The movie of my life

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:02

Today, I learnt my boyfriend has just been using me for character development for the last 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 166

You deserved it 3 346

By poorgirl - 17/05/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 179

You deserved it 1 675

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 12:49

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 308

By Allie - 23/11/2018 12:00

Today, right after I finished writing a very important paper and saved it to my hard drive, my barely 2-year-old Macbook decided to completely stop functioning. I went to the Apple store and even they can't get it to turn on. That's $1500 down the drain along with my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 442

Don't do favors for strangers

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 19:58

Today, after getting a friend of a friend a job, overnight she turned into Satan, making a job I once loved a hell on earth. I should really try to get to know people before I do them a favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 281

By malnourishedstudent - 08/06/2016 08:38 - United States - Palm Coast

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 450

You deserved it 1 476

By IwishIwashigh - 01/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 496

You deserved it 7 227

By Awkward - 22/08/2013 23:50 - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 3 136

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 123

You deserved it 25 963

TMI

By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 448

You deserved it 10 387

By powerless - 14/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 15/09/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 470

You deserved it 2 086

By samantha - 27/01/2010 14:05 - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 670

You deserved it 4 347

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 175

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Top comments

DarkAngelsBlade 25

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Thursday 28 May 2020 20:01

He dumped the wrong girl probably.

spinspinsugar 12

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Thursday 28 May 2020 22:02

sounds like the fuckwad was looking for a reason to dump you. good riddance.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 28 May 2020 6:19

Probably because you're not using it enough. A good sex doll should be used several times a day!

DarkAngelsBlade 25

Send a private message

Thursday 28 May 2020 20:01

He dumped the wrong girl probably.

spinspinsugar 12

Send a private message

Thursday 28 May 2020 22:02

sounds like the fuckwad was looking for a reason to dump you. good riddance.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 139

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 89