Intimacy: Absolute beginners

Absolute beginners

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 20:00 - Spain - Ripollet

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 893

You deserved it 5 961

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 262

You deserved it 7 761

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 6 456

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 5 981

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 073

You deserved it 6 437

Romantic afterglow

By easyontheeyes1 - 01/05/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 784

You deserved it 6 722

By quickfingers100 - 22/07/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 901

You deserved it 10 711

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 653

You deserved it 15 179

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 807

You deserved it 4 626

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 128

You deserved it 8 212

Welshite 39

Monday 14 July 2014 5:17

He was just so over-whelmed. I would take it as a compliment if I were you.

pjsr 32

Monday 14 July 2014 5:17

Aww - they took his breath away!

Comments

JRT98 12

Monday 14 July 2014 5:24

I can just imagine... "oh boy the breastibules... OMGZ NIPPLEZ!" *wheezing noises get louder and louder* "I CAN'T DO IT GET ME A PAPER BAG". Joking aside, be proud you have a breathtaking pair of bewbs.

Welshite 39

Monday 14 July 2014 5:28

If a boyfriend says "OMGZ NIPPLEZ", it should be the last time he sees said nipples.

JRT98 12

Monday 14 July 2014 5:30

Ah yes, but imagine the humor.

shay_serendipity 29

Tuesday 15 July 2014 4:17

13, I cringed reading the terminology used...

purplebabytacos1 14

Monday 14 July 2014 5:24

A man's breast friends!

rylaii 26

Monday 14 July 2014 6:09

You have said that twice. Wasn't really funny the first time.

warsun 27

Monday 14 July 2014 14:02

Are you referring to 14 or 16?

ylime23456 18

Monday 14 July 2014 5:26

Poor guy he's probably really embarrassed

weeping_angel_ 13

Monday 14 July 2014 5:28

Oddly enough I have the same reaction when opening a package of Oreos

TheCrispyCat 20

Monday 14 July 2014 6:49

Dude same!

davincidasecond 24

Monday 14 July 2014 7:52

Wow. I don't think I've ever felt so connected to two complete strangers until now. I'm the exact same.

teashock 5

Monday 14 July 2014 16:06

Yes, that! And sticking a spoon into an unopened bottle of peanut butter. Ahh, it feels like heaven!

rosheno 4

Monday 14 July 2014 20:50

"Spoon," huh?

FilbertMoo 11

Monday 14 July 2014 5:28

That sucks, but hopefully you didn't make him feel badly about it when he came to; he's probably very embarrassed.

dawood_k 27

Monday 14 July 2014 5:28

Wow you must be "breathtaking" to have accomplished that

amiralj 12

Monday 14 July 2014 5:31

What a great story to tell about your first time lol

captainsmegma 12

Monday 14 July 2014 6:18

Get a paper bag for him to breathe in. Then whip those puppies out very slowly. Have the paramedics on standby with the paddles energized for when you show him your woo woo.