By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01
By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00
By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 18:34
By superfreak6 - 20/05/2016 13:25
By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14
By bushburn - 01/06/2020 02:00
By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 16:58
By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 12:00
By Anonymous - 01/12/2019 20:00
By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 05:03
By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32
By stretchy - 06/05/2013 19:58
By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 13:01
By Anonymous - 18/02/2015 18:06
Add a comment - Reply to : #
I'm sorry but it's better that you find out now rather than later!
I somewhat agree. But in all honesty, should she really care if the wife hates her? It's unlikely their paths will ever cross again, hopefully because they both dump the dingus. I'd rather know if my husband was a cheating scumbag, so I could tear him a new arsehole, then divorce him, instead of having him date a string of women over the years, and find out years later that I'd been betrayed from the start. Cruel to be kind.
I'm sorry, OP. Are you going to tell his wife, or just let it go?
I caught my best friends husband sleeping with someone else. I told her. She had a hunch he was cheating all along. But when I told her, she made ME the enemy, and went on a downward spiral. 2 years later, they're still happily married, but I lost my best friend who still refuses to speak to me. Before the downvotes commence: Not saying OP shouldn't let the wife know. You can do whatever you think is right OP. But if I, personally, could have another go at the this situation, I would have punched myself in the face before telling my best friend what I saw. So keep that in mind. All I did was hurt her, and their marriage is still thriving. She would have found out for herself eventually, whenever she was ready to look. And that way, it wouldn't have caused as much of a ruckus as me dropping the bomb on everyone.
@25. Uhm. Excuse me? But my friend was very sweet! You say you'd want to know whether your boyfriend was cheating NOW, but when things seriously come down to it... it's not so black and white. When you tell someone something they'd rather DIE than hear, you become the bad person for inflicting that feeling! On top of that. That man has a newborn baby! It's not only OP's life involved anymore. If the wife wants to know whether her husband is cheating or not, she will look. And that way, she'll be expecting the worst and will be ready for the aftermath. I find it very wrong when you waltz into someone's life (which was going well up until your arrival) and tear it apart with that piece of information. If she wasn't ready for it, or expecting it, she will be CRUSHED. And not only will you be crushing the wife, you'll be quite possibly be the cause of a divorce (A horrible thing. I had divorced parents). You may be stealing a childhood/parent away from a pure/innocent child. I wouldn't do it. Rather her look and find out for herself, then both husband and wife can sort out their OWN marital issues, which will have a higher chance of repair if nobody else is involved. And won't that be better for that newborn baby?
@29 If telling the wife her husband cheated, is a way for OP to show that guy some sort of innate retribution. Isn't that self absorbed/motivated? And it won't be complete justice because OP may be causing a divorce in a marriage that MAY have been able to repair. As well as permanently affecting the life of a child. If that were me, I wouldn't want to live with "what if I hadn't said---" on my conscience for the rest of my life. At least when the wife finds out for herself, whatever happens is out of your control and inevitable. Whatever, that just my 2 cents. This topic really holds near and dear to my heart so- :(
Every person is different and every person will take news differently. You were not in the wrong by telling your friend what you saw, even if you regret it. The newborn baby needs a good role model in its life. Cheating and lying is always a recipe for disaster no matter how you look at it.
#30 That sounds like you are very much saying OP shouldn't tell the wife. I understand your concern for his baby, but his wife should have the option to either face who she married or, like your friend, choose to willfully ignore the cheating. Sorry your friend shot the messenger, but that doesn't mean the message was wrong.
OP should definitely try to contact the wife. Why look at it as she'll just take the baby and leave? The sooner she knows, the easier it will be to repair the problem. It's proven that kids put strain on a relationship so I'm sorry you had to be the side chick, OP.
@30 Marriage is based on trust. If the wife trusted the husband then she wouldn't be "looking" to see if he was cheating, she would be trusting that he's faithful. So it would be a good idea to let the wife know. If it was me in that situation I'd want someone to let me know that my partner was cheating rather than me having to sneak around following them and going through their phone - because thats not a relationship based on trust and that just ruins it.
On the other hand, if this man is sleeping with other women, there's a chance he could bring something home to his wife. which makes me wonder if anything can be passed through breastfeeding? I think the spouse always deserves to know, they can decide what to do with that information. 22, if she'd found out some other way, and realised you knew, you'd have been the bad guy then. You were in a no win situation the moment you found out.
#30 you can't seriously think it's OK to lie to your spouse/partner as long as they don't know or want to know. My husband (before he was with me) dated a girl who was cheating on him. When he found out, the worst part for him was finding out his friends knew all along and didn't tell him. I know that OP is not his wife's friend but would still be nice to do the right thing.
#30, It was not wrong that you told your best friend the truth. She had her options how to handle what she heard from you, she could have appreciated what you told her and leave the cheating husband / fix her marriage or ignore you and leave / fix her marriage. Bottom line is you did what was right, whatever kind of reaction she had was totally out of your hands, it was her choice to make.
Im going to jump on this bandwagon and say confront him and tell the wife. As I myself am married, I would sure as hell want to know if my husband was cheating. Shit, Id buy the "other woman" a drink and sing her praises that she had the courage to tell me. It's different knowingly being a mistress, versus thinking you're dating a single man and find out he's a complete loser and liar.
your friend sounds pathetic and co dependent.. I hate when women blame the bearer of bad news or the other woman because they don't respect themselves enough to place responsibility on their cheating spouse. Also it doesn't seem like any relationship like that can be really "thriving", because he probably still cheats and she ignores it. you did the right thing in telling her anyway.
I thought it was obvious. Men that cheat on their wives can bring home an STD or get another woman (or women) pregnant. That's an even worse surprise than "only" finding out he was cheating on her. Injury added to insult. Better to tell her now than after something else adds on to the cheating issue.
On the other hand, if you tell her now, while she's sleepless and caring for a newborn, you might make it more difficult for her to get through an already trying time (new baby + possible postpartum depression). For all you know this guy hasn't done this before. Maybe he will get his act together. Confront him, not her.
F the wife's life and yours. tell the wife, ensure you hadn't know about her prior.