Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin...

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 712

You deserved it 15 192

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Same thing different taste

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 323

You deserved it 38 286

Heartless swine

By Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 025

You deserved it 4 391

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 561

You deserved it 3 808

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 515

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 104

You deserved it 6 453

It's just a flesh wound!

By manhandled - 01/02/2012 18:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 168

You deserved it 4 026

Do that again

By lotrgeek - 13/02/2012 13:37 - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 647

You deserved it 7 140

Nuts

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 879

You deserved it 6 151

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 066

You deserved it 59 342

So hott

By facepalm - 27/02/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 772

You deserved it 15 178

jam26 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:03

are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too

amirn86 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:10

Hey, at least you know you turn him on A LOT This really never happens you can take my word I want to apologize that's just absurd Mainly you're at fault for the way that you dance and now I **** IN MY PANTS Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a **** Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus Now I'll go home and change I **** right in my pants every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times cause it's a necessity Cause I **** in my pants

Comments

mak349 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:02

oh man... ur scarred for the rest of ur life... did u guys at least wear protection... its insurance that u can dump this short ride

Macromartyr 3

Saturday 14 August 2010 11:08

If he came that fast, probably didn't wear anything

tutuluzer5968 0

Thursday 17 November 2011 15:26

Um haven't you guys ever done anything else sexual? You think oh would notice this before hand

Ty2win 3

Tuesday 17 April 2012 16:44

More like during hand ;)

trucanadian 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:03

are you sure he's not a virgin? He probably is if he only lasts 30 seconds. Dump him

jam26 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:03

are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too

Damone 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 2:38

i was thinking that too, maybe not a virgin but maybe a noob

naughty_angel94 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:44

Maybe not a virgin but hadn't had it in awhile and she was too tight for him

bkina 0

Friday 25 November 2011 21:56

I agree

benzel22 2

Friday 20 March 2009 16:08

Either that or since you're a virgin you are probably toight like a toiger...Maybe he's just used to loose bar skanks

mastercrammer 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:08

I know some first times are really awkward, but yours is just sad! You didn't even get to enjoy it! :(

hoeskie69 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:08

Holy hell, are you sure he isnt like a ******* transvestite, and that dick doesn't give him any pleasure... Because if he wasn't a virgin, then your man, well is a little pussy.. and shouldve lasted way longer than 30seconds.

Ender_ 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:08

Eh there are guys that aren't virgins that only last that long. Sucks for them. Anyways, put out more and he'll start getting better at it. haha. Just be smart and wear protection.

JohnnyViola 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:09

:( That sucks.

amirn86 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:10

TWSSMoment 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 5:45

WTF?!anyone else this or am I getting crayzer? ^^^^

nintenDX 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:36

that song is messed up lol

tpiper2852 0

Monday 20 June 2011 3:21

this song is just great lol :) really funny.

Humanspider 18

Thursday 24 November 2011 11:51

Thank You for expressing what this guy felt after 30 seconds.

brekab8 14

Saturday 31 December 2011 1:13

LOL i used to love that song! Still do!

BlackCube2 2

Friday 18 May 2012 20:10

da hell.....

xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18

Sunday 29 December 2013 14:10

To be honest I'm surprised She even wanted me to do it Doesn't really make sense But man screw it I ain't one to argue with a good thing She could be my wife That good? The best 30 seconds of my life Lonely island really though of this guy huh?