By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
I agree, your life sucks 151 356
You deserved it 15 134

By Anonymous - 03/01/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 10 541
You deserved it 29 112

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are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too

Hey, at least you know you turn him on A LOT This really never happens you can take my word I want to apologize that's just absurd Mainly you're at fault for the way that you dance and now I JIZZ IN MY PANTS Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a slut Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus Now I'll go home and change I jizz right in my pants every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times cause it's a necessity Cause I jizz in my pants

Comments

oh man... ur scarred for the rest of ur life... did u guys at least wear protection... its insurance that u can dump this short ride

If he came that fast, probably didn't wear anything

Um haven't you guys ever done anything else sexual? You think oh would notice this before hand

More like during hand ;)

are you sure he's not a virgin? He probably is if he only lasts 30 seconds. Dump him

are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too

i was thinking that too, maybe not a virgin but maybe a noob

Maybe not a virgin but hadn't had it in awhile and she was too tight for him

Either that or since you're a virgin you are probably toight like a toiger...Maybe he's just used to loose bar skanks

I know some first times are really awkward, but yours is just sad! You didn't even get to enjoy it! :(

Holy hell, are you sure he isnt like a fucking transvestite, and that dick doesn't give him any pleasure... Because if he wasn't a virgin, then your man, well is a little pussy.. and shouldve lasted way longer than 30seconds.

Eh there are guys that aren't virgins that only last that long. Sucks for them. Anyways, put out more and he'll start getting better at it. haha. Just be smart and wear protection.

Hey, at least you know you turn him on A LOT This really never happens you can take my word I want to apologize that's just absurd Mainly you're at fault for the way that you dance and now I JIZZ IN MY PANTS Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a slut Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus Now I'll go home and change I jizz right in my pants every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times cause it's a necessity Cause I jizz in my pants

WTF?!anyone else this or am I getting crayzer? ^^^^

that song is messed up lol

this song is just great lol :) really funny.

Thank You for expressing what this guy felt after 30 seconds.

LOL i used to love that song! Still do!

To be honest I'm surprised She even wanted me to do it Doesn't really make sense But man screw it I ain't one to argue with a good thing She could be my wife That good? The best 30 seconds of my life Lonely island really though of this guy huh?

#9 you can be turned on A LOT and still please your partner in bed. It's called having stamina. Guys that finish that fast are just selfish.