Parents

Elaborate backstory

By lordoftheweird - 06/06/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I found out both my parents are career criminals. My dad expects me to join the "family business" and my mom has decided that they'll "never get her alive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 101

See you in court

By Juliet - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Inglewood

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 132

You deserved it 6 647

Creepy

By JustClaire95 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 122

You deserved it 16 527

JustClaire95 tells us more.

JustClaire95 13

Monday 17 March 2014 16:48

I'll prob just wear jeans from now on. Though it'd be funny to see them react to a mini skirt lol!

Turn the other cheek

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 471

Gonna make things awkward

By nevermind - 13/08/2019 00:01

Today, while planning for our trip next spring, my friend told me that she's decided that her mom is coming with us. It’s non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 173

Out on the town

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was busy working on a paper, so my parents offered to go get me some Mexican food. Eager for some nachos, I thanked them. At 9 p.m. they weren't back, so I called. They weren't in an accident, but spontaneously buying a new car without telling me. They didn't return until 11 p.m. with cold, greasy KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 128

Not under my watch!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 22:00

Today, I told my dad I want to enlist in the army and he tried to lock me in my room. He did almost the same thing when I told him I wanted to do certain college courses to make it easier to become a police officer, only there was a lot more swearing and throwing of objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 218

Helicopter parents

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 20:00

Today, I got home to see that my dad had let himself in. He told me he'd caught a feral dog that somehow got into my house, but not to worry, he lured it back outside and it ran away. So yeah, my dad set loose the dog I literally just saved yesterday from being euthanised at our local dog pound. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 145

Never forget

By OhhhNooo - 14/03/2010 23:23 - United States

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 898

You deserved it 2 445

For the kids

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 22:00

Today, I overheard my parents discussing their divorce. Apparently, what they mostly disagree over is that neither of them want custody of me and are considering delaying their divorce until I’m 18, because at least then legally I’m not either of their problem to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 174

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 24/04/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, because my insane mother doesn’t want me getting a job to afford to move out and never see her again, she put my suit in the freezer last night so I couldn’t go to my 9 a.m. interview. I went in a t-shirt instead and they rejected me straight away for not "taking the interview seriously." FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 80

Low blow

By Well thenn - 15/04/2023 12:00 - United States - Bridgeton

Today, I told my sister that it wasn't classy to eat an entire box of cookies by herself. She responding by telling me it's not classy to not know who my son's father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 2 336

Get out

By Anonymous - 10/08/2014 17:24 - Germany - Würzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 278

You deserved it 3 249

Thanks for nothing

By Guess I'll Die - 13/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I tried to confront my parents with the fact that they're almost certainly going to outlive me unless I radically change my lifestyle, and that I needed their assistance to help me stay on track. I only realized after my impassioned speech that they were ignoring me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 459

Privacy

By silver bear - 15/05/2021 17:00

Today, my dad saw my cleared internet history and said, "You do know we can still track your history with your IP address, right?" I don’t ever look at porn or anything like that. I just don’t want other people knowing all my business all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 131

Favorite child

By Heather - 03/01/2023 15:00

Today, it was my college graduation ceremony. My parents didn’t come because they “forgot”, although I told them and had been reminding them for months. Last year was my little sister’s high school graduation. My parents wasted no time going to her ceremony and then took her out to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 127

Grow up

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 00:30

Today, my father came to my sister's place and yelled at her, "I knew it, you're such a whore!" because she slept with her new boyfriend. He's her first boyfriend in five years, since my father scared her previous boyfriend because of my father's possessive behavior. My sister is 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 030

You deserved it 133

Committed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 16:00

Today, I got home and once again my mom started shouting at me for ignoring her and never visiting. For context, I moved from London to Yorkshire to escape the evil cow. She not only found me, she bought the house next door to mine and moved in. I can’t afford to move again any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 102

Surprise!

By Idiot - 26/05/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 2 308

Call the police!

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 10:00

Today, and for the past two months, I've been raising a baby goat, whose mother rejected her. I went to visit my mom, and brought my goat with me, as my mom lives on 14 acres of farmland. I went to make her bottle for dinner, and when I came back outside, my mom's truck and my goat were gone. She won't say who she gave her away to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 143

ATM FML

By ATMDad - 05/05/2023 00:00

Today, my stepdaughter wants her biological father, a man who abandoned her as a child, drinks to the point of puking and acting violent, and hasn’t held a real job in years to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I feel like an ATM at this point because I paid for 80% of her wedding expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 203

Lucky, huh?

By Lesbihonest - 17/06/2015 13:31 - Australia - Gymea

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 747

You deserved it 3 725

Stressed out

By Emily Ann - 08/06/2021 13:59

Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 133

We Are Family

By bad dad - 15/03/2020 00:01

Today, I met my paternal grandparents for the first time, since my dad was never in my life and my mom wouldn’t talk about him. According to them, I have at least 28 other siblings from him, and who knows how many that haven’t come forward. No wonder my mom always hated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 139

When Stranger Danger goes feral

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was beaten up by a random dude for trying to pick my own son up from school. I'm pasty white, my wife is black, and our son was visibly born black, so I was beaten up for attempted kidnapping, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 145

Body issues

By Anonymous - 27/05/2026 09:00 - South Africa - Brakpan

Today, while I'm in the depths of postpartum blues and insecurities, my grandmother in-law gifted me a size 22 pair of jeans that does not fit her. I'm a size 12. I started crying and fake choked so that nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 87

Close to me

By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 1 168

This is fine

By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket! - 26/03/2019 22:00

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 621

You deserved it 230

WAKEY WAKEY

By izaya - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 2 222

Alexa, play "Family Snapshot" by Peter Gabriel

By totalloss - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 811

You deserved it 2 239

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The Top

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 417

You deserved it 1 486

Today, I went to a neon-themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 606

You deserved it 16 541

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 693

You deserved it 16 397

Today, as I served an elderly man at the fast-food restaurant where I work, he leaned over the counter so that his face was mere inches from mine and asked me if I wanted to buy his car. When I politely told him I wasn't interested, he insisted on making a complaint about me to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 89

Today, I met my girlfriend's friends for the first time. One of them walked up to me and gushed, "Oh my god, Joshua! It's so nice to finally meet you!" Then she made a remark about how she heard I played hockey. Hi, my name is Matt, and my sport is wrestling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 95

Today, I mustered up the courage to visit my estranged mega fundamentalist father to hopefully mend our relationship. The first thing he did was insult me for not having a beard, and call my wife and daughters whores because they weren't wearing long skirts or dresses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 120