Today, my mother told me that my father once told her that he was glad she wasn't a red head. He wouldn't have married her if she was because he hates red heads. I am his red-headed daughter. FML
Nikkalicious16 tells us more.
Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML
Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it wasn't my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it wasn't my sister either, she said, "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML
Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with, "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML
Today, the ninth grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new, because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML
Today, I told my mom I want to try out for American Idol. She responded with, "You don't take disappointment well." FML
Today, I made a couple of videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I got back from school to find my family huddled around the camcorder, laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML
Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML
Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML
Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML
Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said, "See you in a decade." FML
Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
efffmylife tells us more.
Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML
Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML
Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML
Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML
Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML
Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML
Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said, "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML
Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML
Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML
Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
