Miscellaneous: Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked... - FML

By Dasani - 16/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 391

You deserved it 8 974

Broken heart

Mother of the year

Stress test

By Ecolo-girl - 11/03/2016 06:22 - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 960

You deserved it 2 011

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 05:01 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 296

You deserved it 29 634

By toeloezz - 26/09/2016 18:02 - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 000

You deserved it 1 256

By Anonymous - 30/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 810

You deserved it 5 622

Dine and dash

By talkomatic713 - 18/07/2021 09:58

Today, some friends and I went to IHOP. We joked about not having enough money, and as it turns out we were $5 short. We put down what we had and left. Upon getting to the car, I realized I'd forgotten my phone, and had to go back. I made eye contact with our waitress, our money in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 2 506

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 02:46 - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 573

You deserved it 4 344

By hatethatiloveyou - 10/02/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 880

You deserved it 14 732

By LostSleep - 24/05/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 689

You deserved it 774

Break time

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 04:28 - Canada

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 949

You deserved it 41 096

By Mandy - 26/03/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 876

You deserved it 3 986

By Anonymous - 17/02/2014 17:43 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 44 298

By sadlife - 09/07/2009 18:50 - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 264

You deserved it 66 376

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 241

You deserved it 3 258

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 19:08 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 2 304

By Wrabel - 08/06/2015 16:00 - Germany - Mainz

Spicy

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 303

You deserved it 9 887

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 726

You deserved it 6 607

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 576

You deserved it 47 303

By anonymous - 04/09/2016 22:12 - United States - Morristown

Today, I discovered that in the three days I left my 18-year-old son in charge, my dog had gotten pregnant. When I confronted my son about it, he stated, "I don't want the reputation of being a cock-blocker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 805

You deserved it 4 040

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 818

You deserved it 2 046

By trooper93 - 18/01/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 870

You deserved it 4 833

Bad timing, dude

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 07:59 - Australia

Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 116

By The Selfie Parent - 04/11/2014 21:48 - Canada - Mount Pearl

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 904

You deserved it 6 605

Fragile

By Ouch - 18/01/2021 08:02

Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 24/04/2018 03:44

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple their “vibrator will go off when a table is available”. I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 972

By boogerbrain - 09/12/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 033

You deserved it 4 162

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 523

You deserved it 2 868

By Noname - 16/02/2009 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 909

You deserved it 10 564

By N - 20/05/2016 20:22 - United States - Glenwood Springs

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 1 099

By Shamu - 27/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 7 057

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 16:35 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 187

You deserved it 4 090

By nikkiquila_0699 - 05/09/2009 21:24 - Canada

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 302

You deserved it 4 829

By Anonymous - 29/06/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 777

You deserved it 7 341

By brooklyn0118 - 12/09/2018 15:00

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 764

You deserved it 536

By ummWhat? - 23/12/2018 02:00

Today my car was broken into. The only thing taken were condoms and lighters I had in the glove box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 2 762

By failure - 16/07/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 562

You deserved it 101 833

By Noname - 08/02/2009 07:39 - Canada

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 6 806

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 15:49 - Australia

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 199

You deserved it 45 374

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 30 828

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:05

I think your mom was trying to be nice. Your life is fine.

Amkii 0

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 12:19

Yeah, tanning is definitely disgusting. Do you really want to be all wrinkly and leathery in 10 years, and have skin cancer? Gross.

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:35

you're pretty when she's drunk, too.

LexRB 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 17:00

wtf

nuggetmonster 12

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Friday 23 December 2011 5:28

Nice.

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:05

I think your mom was trying to be nice. Your life is fine.

Amkii 0

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 12:19

Yeah, tanning is definitely disgusting. Do you really want to be all wrinkly and leathery in 10 years, and have skin cancer? Gross.

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Tuesday 17 February 2009 21:15

agreed with #2 and #3. this is not fml worthy

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Wednesday 18 February 2009 6:36

#14 is you name Dasani? I know a girl named Dasani. She makes me think of water, people always tease her for her name.

SuzieLovesYou 0

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Wednesday 18 February 2009 13:51

Not FML worthy. Don't fish for compliments. It makes people think that you're desperate and needy. And this is coming from a 13 year old. :)

phunk 0

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Wednesday 18 February 2009 19:44

Dont be so self conscious.

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Thursday 26 February 2009 6:51

Read: Your sister is NOT pretty on the inside. To all the people saying she was fishing for compliments, I didn't see any of that. I saw fishing for reassurances. And I think it's a parent's responsibility to give it to their kids.

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 18:00

hahaha sorry but YDI for blatant compliment fishing oh but it's fine because barbie has no genitalia. so yeah..

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 8:08

If you're trying to be funny, you really aren't. Don't bring that crap into the comments.

scorpiogirl666 0

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 18:01

LOL I love #1, that's really funny!!!!!!! And true!!!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 121

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 295