Today, I checked my husband's phone, as mine was dead. When I opened it, I saw a text conversation with his friend. He recently said, "Man you just gotta ignore your wife more. I stopped paying so much attention to mine and next thing I knew she was all over me, it's awesome." FML
Today, a sixth grader complained to me about her emotionally cheating ex and her current boyfriend. I haven't had a single partner yet. A 12 year-old has a VERY EXISTENT and better love life than I do. When I said this to her she said "Well, at least your parents love you." They didn't. I need therapy. And a life. FML
Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML
Today, it was me and my wife's anniversary. I spent it consoling her as she cried over a man she loved 20 years ago. They never even dated. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML
Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML
Today, a guy who I was low-key crushing on asked me out. I excitedly told my best friend, as I do when I have big news. She informed me that the same guy asked her out 15 minutes ago. He'd originally been into her and only came to me because she rejected him. FML
Today, I told my husband that I didn't think our marriage was going to survive our stillbirth, and that we should get divorced. He said, "No way. We're going to marriage and grief counseling and not giving up on our marriage." He just doesn't understand that I blame myself so much and want to set him free. FML
Today, my mom told me that she never wants to see me again because my family and I did not attend her wedding, which she wanted my youngest to be a flower girl to. I refused because this is her eighth marriage (that's right, 8) and she never learns. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me to her apartment for "Taco Tuesday date night", saying that she had "homemade tacos." She actually made homemade tacos for us to eat for dinner. Oh, and she was on her period. Fantasy ruined. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML
Today, it's another day of being madly in love with a girl. We went on a date on Saturday and I’m so in love. I want to have her over to hang out but my parents would freak because I was raised in a devout Christian household. So much for my teenage love story… FML
Today, I got married and my mom refused to be there because my dad, whose guts she hates, was there even though I promised repeatedly that I would keep them apart. I couldn't do the mother-son dance. She keeps insisting that it was a "lapse in judgment." Yeah, like we're really going to be able to have a do-over. FML
Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML
Today, I had no choice but to break up with my fiancee because my son absolutely despised her, no matter what I try to do, made me choose either her or him. I'll always choose him, but… FML
Today, my coworker was talking about how he fixed his broken marriage and how his wife adores him. I asked for his advice, since mine has been rough. He started talking about God and Christianity and how religion showed him the path. Uhh... nope, I think I'll stick with things the way they are. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed! I wanted to get a jump on things so I started looking at photographers, and he mentioned he already knew a good one. I went to check out the photographer’s Instagram and found a picture of my boyfriend… and his wife. FML
Today, I've had a crush on this girl at my office for years. Our work sent us to a conference. We bonded there. That night, we were talking by the hotel pool and she leaned in and kissed me. Tongue and everything. The problem is, at 40, I still bite my nails when I'm nervous. Well, she choked on the finger nail in my mouth. FML
Today, I found out my husband texted his ex-wife, all the while I've had a torn rotator cuff for a year, which I will finally be getting surgery on in three weeks. He twisted his shoulder last week while installing a toilet and suddenly the world is ending, his pain is all encompassing. I also have Lupus since 2017. FML
Today, it was a milestone birthday - another zero year - and I got many acknowledgments from everyone in my family, except for the one person that means the most to me: my wife never acknowledged my birthday. No card, text or anything. I truly believe she hates me. FML
Today, my 37 year-old fiance is calling off our wedding for a 21 year-old woman from Colombia he’s been talking to online. He’s gonna marry her and bring her to the US. He’s been using ChatGPT to speak with her in Spanish. I’ve spent over $5000 on our wedding and was picking up my dress next week. FML
Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML
Today, my wife slept in my bed (she normally sleeps in another room because of my nightmares from PTSD). I fell asleep in 30 minutes and had a nightmare, in which I woke up to me kneeing her tailbone from an in-dream assault I fought back from. I hadn’t had these in a while, and now she’s injured. FML
Today, my wife told me she’s leaving me because her "nervous system now perceives me as a threat." Apparently, seven years ago I was her "safe space," but now I’m just a cortisol spike in human form. FML
Today, I was on a date when a woman across the restaurant started choking on food, so I and a few others rushed to help her. We got her to cough up the food but as I looked back to my date, she was stealing food from the plates of other people who'd left their tables to help. FML
Today, I was about to admit and open up to my good friend about the guy I like, who she's known longer than I have, until I heard her say something to another friend about him: "Stop pestering my sister's boyfriend!" FML
Today, my dad's new wife, who is two years younger than me (I'm 24) and hates that I'm a lesbian, threw a fit when I told her that I would never call her Mom. My dad took her side. I don't live with them but still… FML
Today, my husband confessed to cheating but then tried to turn it around on me. Apparently, because I wasn’t regularly checking his phone, it must mean I don’t really care about him or I’d have caught him months ago. Sorry for trusting my husband I suppose, geez. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML
Today, I realized that I could strip down butt naked, slather myself in honey, and roll around in $100 bills, and still wouldn’t be able to get my husband’s attention. FML
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