Today, my ex, whom I dumped in 2024 because she stopped caring about me or what I did, is stalking online someone I have just started dating. She went to her workplace, then called me to tell me I'm hers and she will never let "the other woman" take me from her. Not sure if I like the indifferent one or the jealous psycho less. FML
Today, I found out that my uncle, who is still married to my aunt, is trying to seduce my mom. FML
Today, my friend didn't believe me when I was bragging about how good of a boyfriend my partner finally was. She told me to prove it because he had cheated before. I opened his Instagram and the first DM opened was him cheating. FML
Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML
Today, I brought a girl back to my place. She commented on how neat and clean everything was for a bachelor. I absentmindedly said, “Yeah, my mom comes over and cleans three times a week.” She made a face like I'd just told her I eat puppies or something, then made an excuse to leave. FML
Today, I learned that my boyfriend of a year and half hit up another girl to hang out while we were six months into dating. He even shared photos with her from a day trip I was on. FML
Today, on our first wedding anniversary, my husband confessed that he had tried to leave me at the altar and only went through with it due to my dad, brothers, whiskey, and drowsy cold medicine, but now tat he’s given it the old college try and lasted a whole year, he wants a divorce. FML
Today, I found out the man (M 43) that I’ve (F 32) been seeing on and off for 5 or 6 years secretly got married two weeks ago. He was even at my job for an event a week ago and didn’t even tell me. This man took my first kiss and virginity. I even provided emotional support when his aunt and sister passed from cancer. Absolutely blindsided. FML
Today, my mother sat me down and told me, "I'm not going to lie, I hate living with you. Please get a job and move out." I'm 16. FML
Today, I told my crush I liked him. Instead of rejecting me or telling me that he might have felt similar, he decided to pretend to be dumb and clueless and just kept asking who my crush was. I found out later that he knew all along but he just wanted to ragebait me. FML
Today, I discovered my childhood crush's account after mourning our separation for years. I texted him and I introduced myself to him. I thought he would be as surprised and excited, but unfortunately he'd forgotten all about me. FML
Today, my husband declared that since our youngest son happened to be born on our anniversary, we no longer needed to celebrate. He reasoned that it would be “wrong” to make his special day about us. Truth is he’s just a cheap unromantic sod. FML
Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML
Today, my mom gave me thirty days notice to find an apartment and move out. Why? She's dating my former best friend and wants to move him in, but he won't do it until I'm gone because it would be "awkward." FML
Today, I turned down my boyfriend's proposal because I'm pregnant and I told him I didn't want people thinking that's why we were getting married. He… did not react well. Yes, he knows that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my ex, who physically and emotionally abused me, is in a happy marriage. His new wife is glowing and they have a kid, with another on the way. So basically, he was capable of being a Prince Charming who could give another woman her happily ever after, just not for me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of three months decided to break it off with me, all because I used ChatGPT to research something. FML
Today, I emotionally confessed my feelings to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat myself several times. He ended up saying no. FML
Today, I realized the only person who’s ever loved me was an old friend. She was an amazing girl, she was there for me at my highs and lows, but I didn’t find her attractive, so I turned her down. She has since then moved on and gotten married, while I’m still getting played left and right by women. FML
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed, "I love you." After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back, and said, "What kind of gun was it?" FML
Today, I learned that asking your Hinge date, “How tall do you wish you were?” lands you in the ER and will have you looking like Sloth from the Goonies. FML
Today, I tried to gently tell my boyfriend that he needs to wash his clothes more often as some of them smell pretty musty. He got all pissy (no pun intended) and assured me that none of his exes ever complained about a smell. I can’t even go down on the guy because his crotch smells bad. FML
Today, during a Tinder date, the guy spent a solid hour talking about the Tinder date he went on yesterday with someone else. Honestly, I only stayed to the end because the restaurant was excellent. The guy was actually confused when I split the bill and didn’t want to have sex with him. FML
Today, during a first date, we somehow got onto the topic of music, and I admitted I’d never listened to one of his favorite albums all the way through. He stared at me like I’d admitted I couldn’t read. The rest of dinner became a passionate TED Talk about artistic genius while I nodded in silence and ate fries. FML
Today, it's been 3 days since I matched with someone online and have been crafting witty, charming messages. We finally agreed to meet, and the second I walked into the café, I realized he was the bartender who'd already seen me cry there after a breakup six months earlier. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about four minutes. Then she said, "Can I have my hand back?" FML
Today, my husband is threatening divorce because I loudly objected at his daughter's wedding and made a scene. His daughter is 19 and got married to a 40-year-old man. FML
Today, not only did my deadbeat brother mooch off me for six months, wreck my car, and screw my wife, he just successfully sued me for the medical bills he incurred when I caught them and beat him within an inch of his life. Twelve fucking grand in debt. I should have just stabbed him. FML
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