Health

The indignity

By Anonymous - 12/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML

agreeclassic 409

vote type 1 182

Bad memory

By thereisnobaby - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

agreeclassic 12 654

vote type 1 850

Getting dryer

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 15:00 - United States - Ironwood

Today, I (32F) tried to break a two month dry spell with my boyfriend of five years. He pointed out a cold sore on my lip. I never got cold sores before I met him. FML

agreeclassic 420

vote type 1 126

Luscious locks

By lukey101 - 12/01/2025 06:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered that I bought two shampoos instead of a shampoo and conditioner. So for the past three months, I’ve been washing my hair twice. FML

agreeclassic 103

vote type 1 476

Core strength

By Susan01 - 11/01/2025 12:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I gave yoga a try for what seemed like the tenth time. I underestimated how it's actually harder than it looks, and my gross unexpected sweat made my mat uber-slippery, and I ended up sliding into the person next to me. We both toppled over like human dominoes. FML

agreeclassic 368

vote type 1 158

Glow up

By Anonymous - 11/01/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I used a new face mask that claimed it would make my skin glow. I must have missed the part about testing for allergies. My “glow” turned into a bright red rash overnight, just in time for a first date. FML

agreeclassic 351

vote type 1 184

SK8 OR DIE

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to be the cool older cousin by teaching my nephew how to skateboard. He’s now doing tricks, and I’m sitting on the sidewalk with a sprained ankle because I haven't skated since the Bush administration. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 455

What is happening to me?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 16:30 - India - Puducherry

Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML

agreeclassic 425

vote type 1 150

Absolute beginner

By Anonymous - 08/01/2025 22:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered that my "life-changing" skincare routine wasn’t working because I’d been using conditioner instead of moisturizer for two weeks. My skin is greasy, and I smell like coconuts. FML

agreeclassic 114

vote type 1 553

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

agreeclassic 7 486

vote type 1 42 544

Life ain't a Disney movie

By Phil - 06/01/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to pet a squirrel because it looked friendly. It did not feel the same way. Now I’m googling things like, "Can squirrels give you rabies?" FML

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 858

Toxic workplace (literally)

By Bob - 06/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after I left my job at lunch yesterday and didn't return because I felt sick to my stomach after they had me melting plastic, even though I asked for a mask and they just gave me a small desktop fan, they just called and want me back. Me, being desperate for work, I had to say yes. FML

agreeclassic 472

vote type 1 142

New year's resolution gone wrong

By Anonymous - 05/01/2025 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. Feeling pumped, I grabbed what I thought was a light dumbbell. It wasn’t. I dropped it on my toe and screamed so loud that the gym bros around me stopped mid-workout to stare at me. FML

agreeclassic 207

vote type 1 456

Straight into my veins

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, after being sick and not having coffee for a month, my body has invented a new way of processing caffeine: The tiredness and lethargy remains untouched, while the caffeine-jolt is converted directly into a fuzzy headache. FML

agreeclassic 333

vote type 1 135

That dang Ozempic

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 13:00 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I’ve worked hard to lose ten kilos. It took daily workouts and walking 10 kms a day to make the weight finally move, and I’m the fittest I’ve been in years. My mum, after having not seen me for a while, says in front of everyone during the holidays, “Wow, those injections have worked for you!” FML

agreeclassic 584

vote type 1 92

Grouchy old hag

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 21:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was ordering a new vape for my Grandma online, since she refuses to use the internet. When I told her that the type of vape she uses wasn't available anymore, she screamed, "WELL THEN, I'LL JUST GET A CARTON OF CIGARETTES, AND SMOKE THEM UNTIL I GET CANCER!" FML

agreeclassic 401

vote type 1 93

Glummy new year

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I spent all year avoiding COVID, colds, and flu. On December 30th, I caught the worst cold of my life. I’ll be ringing in the new year in bed, with tissues as my only company. FML

agreeclassic 418

vote type 1 120

Let me be

By Dying - 30/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after spending two days pampering my sick fiancee and her sick son, they were finally feeling better. I woke up feeling rotten and said I needed to rest. She said, "Okay, but I want to deep clean today. Let's go! Out of bed! Up up!" FML

agreeclassic 560

vote type 1 91

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Warren

Today, the cold I caught last Friday decided to go into the home stretch the day after Christmas. I have sneezing fits late at night. Typically ten sneezes or more in a row and I have no idea when this stupid cold will end. Surprisingly, the worst I had before this was a sore throat and a bit of dry mouth. That's it. FML

agreeclassic 342

vote type 1 104

Fork off

By Godzilla’s wife - 28/12/2024 18:00 - United States - Orange

Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML

agreeclassic 346

vote type 1 120

Fried

By Anonymous - 28/12/2024 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I decided to bleach my hair but then my mom got mad and put my hair in a bun after helping bleach it. Mind you, it is currently blonde orange and black and I don't think it worked, and my hair is fried. FML

agreeclassic 162

vote type 1 423

Man flu

By Anonymous - 28/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Today, I'm horribly sick with a stomach bug. My wife insists on yelling for my help every fifteen minutes, saying, "If you want kids, you better get used to this. They don't just go away when you're sick." When she's sick, however, she expects to be treated like a princess. FML

agreeclassic 496

vote type 1 149

Manly man

By takinabreak - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

agreeclassic 66 243

vote type 1 33 878

Joy to the world

By Anonymous - 26/12/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, for Christmas, I got the 3-month anniversary of a constant cold and cough, my period, plus the diagnosis that I have been secretly left-handed for 40 years, and need to switch sides now if I want to unfuck my physical and mental health. What I still don't have are decent boots - I've been hunting them for 3 years. FML

agreeclassic 365

vote type 1 158

Red flag

By WalkingOnEggshells - 25/12/2024 21:00 - United States - Miami

Today, the man I've liked for so long asked me out on a date. Three years ago I fell for him and he denied me unless I "lost 100lbs” Now I've lost about 85lbs (not because of him, but for myself) and he wants to give me the time of day. I still like him, but I feel like I have to watch my weight to keep him if I say “Yes.” FML

agreeclassic 350

vote type 1 527

Receding

By Peyton Manning - 24/12/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my friends like to call me "Peyton Manning" because of my huge forehead. I thought it was funny until I realized my forehead is "huge" because I seem to be going bald. I'm 21. FML

agreeclassic 405

vote type 1 79

Treat Yourself Day (derogatory)

By mindy - 24/12/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML

agreeclassic 346

vote type 1 115

Merry Christmas!

By Anonymous - 22/12/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I drew the short straw to play Santa at the office Christmas party. As I bent down to give my coworker a gift, my "Ho, ho, ho!" turned into "Ow, ow, ow!" because I threw out my back. FML

agreeclassic 437

vote type 1 128

Make up tutorial

By Bunni - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half-closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

agreeclassic 15 007

vote type 1 30 440

I prefer my mysteries solved, thank you

By Pauly - 21/12/2024 15:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that the source of the "mystery whistling" I’ve been hearing in my house for days was my own nose. Apparently, I’ve got a built-in wind instrument. FML

agreeclassic 348

vote type 1 149

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

agreeclassic 12 559

vote type 1 4 518

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

agreeclassic 29 525

vote type 1 5 571

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

agreeclassic 39 723

vote type 1 3 411

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML

agreeclassic 48 785

vote type 1 13 760

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

agreeclassic 52 950

vote type 1 4 392

Today, I asked my boyfriend of several months about his history with girls. Almost every single one was a girl he met while they were underage, then fucked as soon as they turned 18. When I flipped my shit, he looked at me like I was crazy. "They were all legal, what's the issue?" YOU'RE A FUCKING GROOMER, DUDE! FML

agreeclassic 422

vote type 1 143