Today, I discovered that I am going to the store, buying junk food, and eating it almost every night… entirely in my sleep. So much for being healthy and not dying in my forties. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML
Today, and since I decided to cut back on unhealthy foods, my last five dreams were literally just slideshows of junk food. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML
Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML
Today, my life is so devoid of love and joy that I seriously considered making junk food my full-time hobby, in the hope of getting diabetes and dying from it. At least that would be a pleasant way to kill myself. FML
Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
Today, I discovered that my body will go straight to “weak and lightheaded” before it even considers “hungry.” FML
Today, I was meal-planning for the week, and sent my fiancee a grocery list with the stuff I needed. She ignored the list and bought nothing but junk food. I guess we can just eat cookie dough and sugar cereal, and die of diabetes in our fifties. FML
Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML
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Top comments
Justkidding100 41
yeah, sure you are 🙄
RichardPencil 32
Are you driving to the store in your sleep? And no cashier at the store can see you are asleep? I'm not buying it.
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Comments (7)
Justkidding100 41
yeah, sure you are 🙄
RichardPencil 32
Are you driving to the store in your sleep? And no cashier at the store can see you are asleep? I'm not buying it.
FluffythePink 24
Sleep walkers can present as completely awake, especially when it's this level. They might seem a bit spaced out and random but if you don't actually know the person and the difference between their conscious and subconscious personality then it's very easily missed or mistaken for drugs or mental health problems.
HouseOfM 8
While Fluffy might be right about it being possible the likelihood is slim. Better odds are "sleep walking" is them half asleep or not wanting to admit to it.
Gubbon 17
How is this possible? The store clerks don't notice anything?
FluffythePink 24
I once woke up in the middle of making a tomato sammich. As in knife half way through the tomato and slices already on the bread. It was a very disturbing experience. I still finished and ate the sammich though. Most of my 'episodes' are caused by severe, sustained stress. If it's not something that is 'normal' for you (some people just sleep walk like others can play guitar) then you need to go talk to your Dr asap. *Especially* if you are driving while asleep. If you live alone and don't have anyone to hide your keys for you then you want a safe box with a time lock on it for keys. Whatever you do consciously, your subconscious will know. People who have never experienced it just do not understand. Make a drs appointment. If it's new, it probably is just stress related (I mean, what isn't these days?) and that's triggering your subconscious into comfort eating. But it can also be a sign of something up physically. Don't feel silly. It's a nightmare condition. Literally. Go talk to the professionals and make yourself as safe as possible. Timed lockboxes for car keys and the like. There is also much help on the net if you look for it, but drs, please. Asap. 🫂
Yudith 28
While you wait for the doctor appointment you obviously need, maybe you can write "I am sleepwalking. Do not sell me food" on a white t-shirt with a marker. This will become your new pajama top, health saver, and money saver.
poopface82 25
You might be surprised what sleepwalkers can do. There is legal precedent for a person who killed someone while sleepwalking and got off because of no culpability. That said, it might be time to see a sleep specialist.
amd21905 9
I have done this while taking Ambien! I took kid's grocery shopping at 2 a.m. and cooked and baked after with zero knowledge. Ambien is scary!