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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

#21421576
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28698) - you deserved it (1820)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

jkp1291's comment : This has to be against someone kind of law or policy. Please, for the good of mankind it has to be.

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Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

#21421518
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27774) - you deserved it (4965)

On 06/05/2015 at 10:14pm - love - by CassidyQueen - United States (Missouri)

naturallyfuck's comment : Well I wouldn't let you touch my apple jacks either

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Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

#21421488
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (2536)

On 06/05/2015 at 9:00pm - work - by cbarr98 - United States (Iowa)

littlekellilee's comment : If this girl has the same interests as you, make friends with her. Then everyone can hang out together.

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Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML

#21421481
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25184) - you deserved it (2018)

On 06/05/2015 at 8:44pm - misc - by fugly - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, one of my two roommates moved out without warning after we discovered that the rent hadn't been paid in full in a month, the utility bill hadn't been paid in two months, and the electric bill hadn't been paid in three months. We found out when the power was turned off. FML

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

#21421325
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25135) - you deserved it (3179)

On 06/05/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by yuck (woman) -

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

#21421289
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26503) - you deserved it (2150)

On 06/05/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML

#21421237
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25783) - you deserved it (2903)

On 06/05/2015 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

#21421168
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (1929)

On 06/05/2015 at 9:42am - misc - by Dig4life - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

#21421148
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28014) - you deserved it (1998)

On 06/05/2015 at 8:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

#21420967
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31514) - you deserved it (2296)

On 06/04/2015 at 11:01pm - misc - by jared576 -

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

#21420933
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25584) - you deserved it (9801)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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