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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

#21514487
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19552) - you deserved it (1498)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:10pm - misc - by Mellamononeyobiz (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

freya1998's comment : Soft kitty, high kitty Little ball of fur Happy kitty, hazy kitty Purr, purr, purr

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Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

#21514472
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (1513)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:18pm - misc - by ripmyphone - United States (Virginia)

ragnarok1540's comment : While the friend was filming, you should have grabbed the kid and thrown him in right after the phone! That would have made a nice video.

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Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

#21514447
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20265) - you deserved it (1272)

On 01/12/2016 at 7:16pm - love - by TabbyCat87 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

wingL's comment : she doesnt even bother to tell u anymore

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Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

#21514376
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21286) - you deserved it (1894)

On 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

#21514315
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19972) - you deserved it (6243)

On 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I am so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

#21514275
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16351) - you deserved it (4912)

On 01/12/2016 at 10:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML

#21514262
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19247) - you deserved it (1748)

On 01/12/2016 at 9:44am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

#21514245
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22884) - you deserved it (1278)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:24am - work - by Talis (man) - United States (California)

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

#21514228
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16879) - you deserved it (5017)

On 01/12/2016 at 5:48am - animals - by mutantprincess - Australia

Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors l should use. FML

Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML

#21514123
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21474) - you deserved it (6174)

On 01/11/2016 at 9:47pm - misc - by Lesser spotted female gaming nerd (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

#21514057
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19019) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/11/2016 at 6:15pm - work - by DookDaSpook (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

#21514032
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18511) - you deserved it (1300)

On 01/11/2016 at 4:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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