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Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

#21368636
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5) - you deserved it (2087)

On 03/05/2015 at 12:10pm - work - by Completely Innocent - United States

hotheadslav's comment : I'm not 100% sure if that actually legal to do, if it's only a thought/belief! If I were OP I would talk to an HR or someone higher up and see what you can do about that..

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Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

darknut79's comment : "Family game" Well there's your problem.

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Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

#21368562
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14307) - you deserved it (42594)

On 03/05/2015 at 9:32am - misc - by jlol - United States

EverestMelting's comment : That's a great way to open an investigation on your household. Good job OP.

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Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

#21368542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35045) - you deserved it (2833)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:32am - love - by therealkathl - Austria

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

#21368524
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (2329)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:38am - kids - by MrsRODixon - United Kingdom (Bridgend)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

#21368483
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4) - you deserved it (5872)

On 03/05/2015 at 4:19am - work - by lion2294 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

#21368266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29127) - you deserved it (2673)

On 03/04/2015 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML

#21368246
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (2469)

On 03/04/2015 at 8:18pm - misc - by neverforgetyourphone - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

#21367992
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31295) - you deserved it (2612)

On 03/04/2015 at 1:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7) - you deserved it (10)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

#21367801
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41042) - you deserved it (3438)

On 03/04/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Highnapple - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

#21367736
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27421) - you deserved it (8839)

On 03/04/2015 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was expecting a card from my husband stationed in Japan, but he mailed it to my mom. Since I'm busy and don't see her much, she tried to help by mailing it to me. It's long overdue, and the post office never got it. The card came from Japan, only to get lost traveling from 30 minutes away. FML



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