Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

by TheodoreFinches / 08/01/2016 at 11:14am / United Kingdom / Transportation

InfiniteSunshine's comment : Did these women not learn the kindergarten rule of not invading other's personal space? To pull your hair continuously is bad, to cut it off, I would be fucking livid. I'm pretty sure at that point it counts as assault and they can be charged.

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disataerkatie's comment about their FML

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

by disataerkatie / 07/15/2013 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (Cardiff)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

disataerkatie

I wish I had longer arms. Possibly the best part is that he is an entire foot taller than I am......

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

by Disappointed Mom / 07/31/2016 at 4:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Holidays

Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML

by sexisdead / 07/31/2016 at 1:16pm / Intimacy

doemetoch's comment : As a woman who doesn't read Cosmopolitan, I have to ask: what on earth do they give as sex tips that you need to have this fear?

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Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2016 at 12:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Tripartita's comment : TWO pets for the price of ONE?! Some people have all the luck!

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Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

by suspended / 07/31/2016 at 11:39am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2016 at 10:19am / Miscellaneous

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

by crazyattracts / 07/31/2016 at 1:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

by sad_unicorn / 07/31/2016 at 12:51am / Love

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

by :( / 07/31/2016 at 12:18am / United States / Love

 Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

by Ex-Employee / 07/30/2016 at 10:14pm / United States / Work

Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML

by Hutchie931 / 07/30/2016 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Dudley) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I got more birthday wishes from people checking my ID for alcohol purchases than from friends. FML

by taroschain / 07/30/2016 at 5:19pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.