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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (700) - you deserved it (3386)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML

#21379776
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30354) - you deserved it (2448)

On 03/22/2015 at 10:24pm - kids - by anon - Canada (Ontario)

triplebeerox's comment : You definitely need to talk to the mom so she doesn't think you're molesting her kid

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Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

#21379759
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30536) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/22/2015 at 9:58pm - kids - by Mary C. (woman) - United States (Illinois)

firelegend's comment : What the hell is wrong with your mother in law

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Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32805) - you deserved it (6565)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

iCantKillYou's comment : ahaha did people scream HAIL HITLER!!! ?

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Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

#21379703
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27142) - you deserved it (31)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:20pm - misc - by dicedicebaby - United States (Ohio)

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

#21379638
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24235) - you deserved it (7524)

On 03/22/2015 at 6:32pm - work - by waxer150 - United States (Ohio)

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

#21379555
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25885) - you deserved it (2522)

On 03/22/2015 at 3:51pm - health - by uhoh.. - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, we got CCTV fitted in our store. My lovely boss told me he'll be spending his free time watching the footage on his phone to know what I get up to when he's not in. FML

#21379507
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22347) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/22/2015 at 2:19pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27281) - you deserved it (3223)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

#21379420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29890) - you deserved it (3536)

On 03/22/2015 at 10:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

#21379352
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26572) - you deserved it (2451)

On 03/22/2015 at 5:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

#21379225
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27541) - you deserved it (2982)

On 03/22/2015 at 12:03am - health - by noway - United States (California)

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

#21379171
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28550) - you deserved it (2289)

On 03/21/2015 at 10:27pm - health - by ellabellabooboo - New Zealand (Auckland)



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