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Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

#21515546
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21411) - you deserved it (1847)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

JusstJef's comment : Damn, must have been some great sex before that happened.

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Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

#21515486
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21799) - you deserved it (2190)

On 01/15/2016 at 5:56am - kids - by DatAss (woman) -

fakedsincerity's comment : Tell their parent? Or if they were alone tell them it's not okay to touch someone without their permission. Not that this advice is useful now, yknow but just in case it happens again.

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Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

#21515446
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (1615)

On 01/15/2016 at 1:57am - kids - by Vitani_Verci -

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

ertyert's comment : better get her some toast then

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Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

#21515416
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (1928)

On 01/14/2016 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

#21515273
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23467) - you deserved it (1634)

On 01/14/2016 at 5:21pm - misc - by notmyfault - United States (Indiana)

Today, my husband taught our son how to pee while standing. His aim is as poor as my husband's, but I guess now they can blame their mess on each other. FML

#21515142
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20458) - you deserved it (1582)

On 01/14/2016 at 10:05am - kids - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

#21515129
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (1363)

On 01/14/2016 at 9:31am - money - by FuckedOver (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

#21515102
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27358) - you deserved it (12966)

On 01/14/2016 at 7:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I almost died. My friends dragged me unconcious, hypothermic and half-drowned out of the sea. A helicopter took me to the hospital where they brought me back to life. My family's reaction? "You aren't dying so we don't have to come to the hospital." They wouldn't even bring me clothes. FML

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

#21515040
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21856) - you deserved it (3876)

On 01/14/2016 at 1:17am - health - by ringrash - United States (Pennsylvania)



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